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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Either I am sensible or a mega bitch

91 replies

Arnie123 · 12/07/2013 12:51

Not sure whether people will see my point of view on this or flame me as the bitch from hell.

Background my 40 year old hubby has an 18 yr old half brother. I have been with hubby 4 years and we have only seen him a handful of times apart from when he asked for a job off me. I gave him a job and he lasted one week before he stopped turning up and did not bother to phone in and let me know. I went to his house and he was smoking pot with his mates a d said he did not want to go to work as he had decided to decorate the house.

Hubby shares mum with this guy. My mum in law threw him out of the house at 15 due to truanting and bad behaviour to live with his dad. I think this was a disgraceful thing to do as dad was a severe and violent schizophrenic who could not even look after himself.

Anyway the dad died last week and the whole family are on benefits and cannot afford the funeral. Apparently they pay out and then the social foot some of the bill after they get the receipts. Some being the important word here

Hubby has today said he will lend them 1400 out of MY business account. The problem is even if we take him to court for not repaying the cash the judge will let him pay it off at 5 per week as he is on benefits

This is about laying a relative to rest but it is also about cash I have grafter to earn and I think I will never see again

I am happy to offer a token amount eg 100 but hubby has already said we can afford it

Am I being a cow here?

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/07/2013 12:54

Your business account?

As in a company owned by you?

erm. he can't actually do that.

How will it be put in the accounts?

I would cancel the cards and change the passwords and lock him out of the account asap.

DeepPurple · 12/07/2013 12:54

Tell them that it isn't possible to borrow from the business account as it isn't a business expense. Explain that hubby had it wrong and offer to pay £100 towards the funeral.

I don't think YABU at all.

LimitedEditionLady · 12/07/2013 12:54

No its your money,i would personally feel the same tbh

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/07/2013 12:54

YANBU but your DH is...what a cheek offering money from your business account. A business account is exactly that...not for dipping into for personal stuff. Plus, why would you pay for someones funeral who you don't even know.

He will get a funeral anyway, a basic one so no YANBU! If your DH feels so strongly about it tell him to dig from his own pockets and not yours.

JackNoneReacher · 12/07/2013 12:55

You are sensible. What a cheek to offer your money!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/07/2013 12:55

click here

there is help available for funeral costs.

CuriosityCola · 12/07/2013 12:57

Yanbu! You will never see it again. Your hubby can deal with the fall out as he shouldn't have offered without consulting you first.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 12/07/2013 12:58

YANBU and your husband is an arse.

DaddyPigsMistress · 12/07/2013 12:59

Tabby at all

CoolaSchmoola · 12/07/2013 12:59

If my husband promised out a sum of money that large without discussing it with me they'd be needing two graves. If it was my business account they'd never find the parts.

There isn't a chance I'd do this, and I'd double check what they are saying about paying first as many funeral directors will wait for payment until the funeral grant is paid. Plenty of people couldn't afford to pay up front yet funerals still happen, sounds fishy to me.

Birdsgottafly · 12/07/2013 13:00

The payout from the DWP will fund nearly all of it, if you keep the funeral simple, so the amount quoted shouldn't be needed.

However that isn't the issue, all spending should be decided on, if then there is a disagreement, then the person who wants to spend the money, does so out of their spending allowance, iyswim.

It shouldn't be taken from a business account and the transfer needs to be accounted for, if done that way, do you have an accountant?

If your DH needs a personal loan from you and you can afford it, then i think you should give it.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't see his brother often, the brother has only just turned into an adult and has had a difficult past.

Perhaps your DH is looking to start fresh with him and be of support?

ComtessedeFrouFrou · 12/07/2013 13:00

Erm, are you running a limited company? Does your husband realise that this is not actually legal, what he's proposing?

DaddyPigsMistress · 12/07/2013 13:01

Tabby? what kind of autocorrect is that?!

Yanbu at all.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/07/2013 13:01

i just can't believe he can think that a business account runs that way!

It's either going to have to be given as some sort of bonus or extra salary, which will affect tax and everything, or it's going to have to be some fairly dodgy accounting, which leaves you very vulnerable.

I am not sure about this but I think it can't go down as a loan, because if it's a business and you say you're lending a sum of money to someone as a business, don't you need to be registered with the FSA or something?

And wouldn't there need to be something in writing?

The man is just bloody insane!

Original poster
Arnie123 · 12/07/2013 13:02

No I am a sole trader

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 12/07/2013 13:03

"many funeral directors will wait for payment until the funeral grant is paid"

Yes they will and your DH can contact the funeral director direct, if they need a deposit, the cheques are usually made out directly to the funeral director.

Original poster
Arnie123 · 12/07/2013 13:06

Is 1400 a lot for a basic funeral? Thankfully I have never had to arrange one. They have told me if I do not cough up the hospital will incinerate him without a funerAl I really do not believe this

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 12/07/2013 13:11

No, YANBU, he'll have to tell the he's made a mistake, you can't take a sum like that out of a business account, it's ridiculous, he'll have to explain to them you can't do it

ilovechips · 12/07/2013 13:12

That sounds like the worst kind of emotional blackmail. I haven't arranged a funeral for over 10 years but the cost sounds ok to be fair. But are you able to just take cash from a business account like that? I have no idea how these things work but I always assumed the cash in business accounts was, well, accounted for? Does your DH have access? If so I would stop it...

TalkativeJim · 12/07/2013 13:12

I don't know about the incineration, but it certainly sounds like bullshit and can easily be checked out - I'd do so...

...after you've changed access to your business account and told your H to swivel. You'll never see that money again, whether a grant is paid out or not.

TalkativeJim · 12/07/2013 13:13

...and if my H 'told' me that I'd be paying out an expense I didn't agree with from MY business account, his feet wouldn't touch the floor!!!

SodaStreamy · 12/07/2013 13:16

My first question would be ...can you afford it?

You are a sole trader is the money in the business account profit that you just haven't moved to your personal account yet or is it actively part of your businness trading and loss accounts?

YouTheCat · 12/07/2013 13:16

The hospital will not incinerate him with no funeral. What utter bollocks!

Tell him no way. Token amount yes but £1400?

mydadsdaughter · 12/07/2013 13:18

Funerals are expensive, my dad's cost about £1600 and that a was a no frills affair, ie. no. cars, only one wreath etc but in pretty sure you can get some financial assistance from the state or charity.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/07/2013 13:23

If there is nobody willing or able to pay for a funeral the state will arrange one.

please look at my link above.

or this one hope I've done this right it's a pdf

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