Either I am sensible or a mega bitch

[Arnie123]

Not sure whether people will see my point of view on this or flame me as the bitch from hell.

Background my 40 year old hubby has an 18 yr old half brother. I have been with hubby 4 years and we have only seen him a handful of times apart from when he asked for a job off me. I gave him a job and he lasted one week before he stopped turning up and did not bother to phone in and let me know. I went to his house and he was smoking pot with his mates a d said he did not want to go to work as he had decided to decorate the house.

Hubby shares mum with this guy. My mum in law threw him out of the house at 15 due to truanting and bad behaviour to live with his dad. I think this was a disgraceful thing to do as dad was a severe and violent schizophrenic who could not even look after himself.

Anyway the dad died last week and the whole family are on benefits and cannot afford the funeral. Apparently they pay out and then the social foot some of the bill after they get the receipts. Some being the important word here

Hubby has today said he will lend them 1400 out of MY business account. The problem is even if we take him to court for not repaying the cash the judge will let him pay it off at 5 per week as he is on benefits

This is about laying a relative to rest but it is also about cash I have grafter to earn and I think I will never see again

I am happy to offer a token amount eg 100 but hubby has already said we can afford it

Am I being a cow here?

Arnie so sorry to hear about your mum, you really should not be having to deal with this sort of shit while you are grieving and your 'h' should have a bit more consideration for you, he seems to be giving that to his brother. I hope you have someone to support you

Its the right thing to do give your dh the money he invested, do you have to go through the accountant to do that? was just thinking cover your back and make sure its all documented, its then up to him what he does

I do have to state my mother was very abusive with me (social services described it as severe abuse) so I am probably not quite as upset as a normal person would be losing a mum. I am in counselling about it at the moment. I did not even get a sympathy card off husband though and no one bothered to see how I was coping.

I have told husband he is getting 500 a month for 4 months and so he is lending step brother 600. I have told him we need to draw up a repayment plan and not to give cash to do direct bank transfer to funeral home.

Annie, how come it is £1400 but another website you have posted this on says it is only £600. So which one is it?

Who is Annie?

well I would not have expected my Dh to send me a sympathy card though i would expect sympathy in your situation

your own husband is not got to send you a sympathy card about the lose of your mum? That is not what husbands do at such times

however it does sound that you daling with grief that you probably didnt even know was going to be there so keep speaking with consuseller and take care xx

It is amazing the things 'D'H's think they can spend their OH's money on...YADNBU

The amount changed as of about 2 hours ago. Mother in law phoned and said they now only needed 875 of which they had managed to find 300

All a bit weird really

You aren't a mega bitch.

Offering him a place to stay says more than trying to give him money that, TBH, you haven't got if it's coming out of the business it's earnings not savings.

The fact that you are willing to put him up absolves you of any wrongdoing in my eyes.

I am sorry about your mum, I can see why you are bringing it up because none of them gave a shit about your loss but you are expected to pay for the funeral of their preference for someone that they have lost.

YANBU.

I have managed to convince him not to pay. I have told him he can "loan" 50 but in truth this will be part of a bet as I am betting him another 50 he will not see it again

Husband is sulking but it is better than losing 600

Oh and he went and got me flowers as I was crying

I'm glad your dh is finally thinking of you.

I bet they lowered the amount required when they realised you weren't going to pay for it all.

How long is dh' s brother going to stay? He will be upset and not able to plan for the future at first, but you should impose a time limit on your hospitality now, of six months or a year, otherwise he could be jobless and dope smoking in your home forevermore.

The whole thing has now kicked off. M I l has just called asking for the cash and despite him agreeing with me last night not to pay he said he would get it today. I was fuming and so called m I l telling her we don't have the cash and this had to stop NOW

Phone got slammed down on me and hubby says we are not going to the funeral now. I am effin fuming

Sounds like a nightmare op, you have my sympathy. If I were you I would ring the funeral home in question, find out exactly how much money is owing and see if you can make an arrangement on behalf of your husbands half brother to pay the remainder over so many months. That way they can have the funeral they want, but the onus is on him to make sure he makes the payments. If he says he can't pay it then how exactly was he proposing to make the repayments to your husband? You will also find out this way if the amount they are asking for is actually what is owed, or if additional has been added on.
Very kind of you to offer to put him up, I certainly wouldn't want a pot smoking thief in my home.
Sorry for the loss of your mother, be kind to yourself

In the end we refused to pay and the deceased sister coughed up £1300. My brother in law has just bought a caravan which apparently cost over one grand. What a scumbag!

Well - lucky escape then!
Burials are expensive - he won't have a headstone that's for sure.
Also - you would never have gotten a DWP funeral payment - as long as someone anyone from immediate family has a job, that's it - you must pay, you are not entitled to help.

My auntie lived off benefits her whole shortish adult life, when she died, her daughter was in same position - my pensioner grandparents had to pay all from their savings - because deceased's son had a ( very low paid) job - that was that - no financial help.