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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to have an argument with SIL over her post about controlled crying?

361 replies

katykuns · 12/07/2013 11:45

Post: 'Dear mommy,

I am confused.
I am used to falling asleep in your soft, warm arms. Each night I lay snuggled close to you; close enough to hear your heartbeat, close enough to smell your sweet fragrance. I gaze at your beautiful face as I gently drift off to sleep, safe and secure in your loving embrace. When I awaken with a growling stomach, cold feet or because I need a cuddle, you attend to me quickly and before long I am sound asleep once again.
But this last week has been different.

Gentle, Tear-Free Sleep Solution
Each night this week has gone like this. You tucked me up into my cot and kissed me goodnight, turned out the light and left. At first I was confused, wondering where you?d gone. Soon I became scared, and called for you. I called and called for you mummy, but you wouldn?t come! I was so sad, mummy. I wanted you so badly. I?ve never felt feelings that strong before. Where did you go?
Eventually you came back! Oh, how happy and relieved I was that you came back! I thought you had left me forever! I reached up to you but you wouldn?t pick me up. You wouldn?t even look me in the eye. You lay me back down with those soft warm arms, said ?shh, it?s night time now? and left again.
This happened again, over and over. I screamed for you and after a while, longer each time, you would return but you wouldn?t hold me.
After I had screamed a while, I had to stop. My throat hurt so badly. My head was pounding and my tiny tummy was growling. My heart hurt the most, though. I just couldn?t understand why you wouldn?t come.
After what felt like a lifetime of nights like this, I gave up. You don?t come when I scream, and when you do finally come you won?t even look me in the eye, let alone hold my shaking, sobbing little body. The screaming hurt too much to carry on for very long.
I just don?t understand, mummy. In the daytime when I fall and bump my head, you pick me up and kiss it better. If I am hungry, you feed me. If I crawl over to you for a cuddle, you read my mind and scoop me up, covering my tiny face with kisses and telling me how special I am and how much you love me. If I need you, you respond to me straight away.
But at night time, when it?s dark and quiet and my night-light casts strange shadows on my wall, you disappear. I can see that you?re tired, mummy, but I love you so much. I just want to be near to you, that?s all.
Now, at night time, I am quiet. But I still miss you.'

She doesn't understand why it's angered me. In my opinion, it's emotional blackmail and utterly manipulative. I did controlled crying with DD1, but she was naturally a good sleeper so it wasn't really a challenging experience. DD2 isn't a great sleeper, and we do try for a few minutes to see if she will settle, but get her back up when she doesn't.
As I see it, this is written by an adult projecting her own feelings about CC onto others through the form of a poor vulnerable baby, it really doesn't sit right with me at all.
I don't really agree with co-sleeping, but I never would post stuff like this to upset people doing co-sleeping.

OP posts:
LingDiLong · 12/07/2013 13:14

bumbleymummy, I can't speak for other parents but being awake for 3 to 4 hours in the middle of the night or waking up every 1/2 an hour through the night felt like a genuine problem rather than them not sleeping to my schedule. And ultimately with work and other kids to see to, if they'd wanted to make up the sleep in the day (they didn't), I still would have been left trying to survive on very little sleep.

DuelingFanjo · 12/07/2013 13:15

"but most of my BF don't feel the need to post lots of stuff to effectively preach how important it is to others. Same with sleep techniques etc."

but you can't tell other people how to use facebook.If your SIL is using it to highlight certain parenting techniques that you happen to disagree with then so be it. You ARE, of course, free to have an argument with her about it but personally I wouldn't think there's any point unless you want to continue to upset.

fromparistoberlin · 12/07/2013 13:15

oh that's made me laugh

who THE FUCK makes this shit up, seriously someone needs to get out more

afaraid I am also in the "anti CC" camp tho, FFS they are only babies for 6 months. get over it

Boosterseat · 12/07/2013 13:16

Do babys not have Dads anymore?

Or are they not soft, warm and do they smell like shit?

All this houlier than thou crap that pits mothers against each other - its just bollocks trying to provoke a reaction.

Manipulative bullshit - CC or no CC
Block her.

RestingUnderTheSun · 12/07/2013 13:16

Your SIL clearly has some strong convictions about CC and bfing. As a lot of people with that sort of conviction, she posts things about it on her FB.

Now assuming you are not her only friend on FB, this was clearly not directed at you but more the expression of her own beliefs.

I am not sure why you have a problem with that.

I would have answered the same way than your SIL to your comment though. What else was she suppose to do? Apologize to express what she believes in.

FWIW I think you are seeing more than there is to it. That it is somehow a personal attack on your parenting choices.
You might want to learn to step back a but because it is quite possible that you and your SIL will make many more opposite/different parenting choices and it would be a shame to fall out on that.

DuelingFanjo · 12/07/2013 13:16

oh, just read "She replied 'I am sorry you feel like that hun x' Gaaah."

really, what did you expect her to say. Clearly she's not wanting to have an argument and not wanting to upset you - result.

now you can move on.

katykuns · 12/07/2013 13:17

I don't use controlled crying, and I co-sleep. i also think that whoever originally wrote that horrifically cutesy, coyly manipulative drivel should be made to read it out loud in a baby voice and get an electric shock for every use of 'soft, warm arms', 'tiny tummy' etc. Actually for every adjective.

Grin
OP posts:
RestingUnderTheSun · 12/07/2013 13:19

However, you are entitled to think that that sort of copy and paste isn't great and a bit sickly.
You are allowed to not like the subject.
Or to think that this sort of status/update is irrelevant/not interesting/trying to make a point too much etc...

The best to deal with it is to the same than all the other uninteresting posts you can find on FB (and there are A LOT of them!). Ignore.

pommedechocolat · 12/07/2013 13:20

duelingfango - I think the worry is the need to share parenting techniques in this preachy unbalanced vomity way on a platform such as facebook. Do what you want and leave others to do what they want unless they specifically ask for advice.

I might now go off to share that quite often I am shouty, sweary and park my kids in front of cbeebies for hours at a time now.

Agree that it is blatantly a first time mum post. Try a second that sleeps for no more than two hours in a row until nine months.

MonstersDontCry · 12/07/2013 13:20

Personally I wouldn't post it but if we're honest it's probably what babies are thinking.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 12/07/2013 13:20

Or, you could always wait til she posts up about being utterly exhausted with a baby that won't be put down and then tag her into a photo of you and your friends going out :o . See if she likes it when she's forced into accepting other people's views.

LJL69 · 12/07/2013 13:21

I have a number of friends that post crap on facebook - I scroll past. I am firm believer in doing whats best for you and your kids. If a friend brought their child to me to look after and told me they needed to be painted blue on the hour every hour, well i would think they were mad but i would do it. I would do it because its their kids and they will do what they think is best. Might not agree but its not my business. Unless someone is doing something that is abusive etc then obviously it becomes my business

gamerchick · 12/07/2013 13:25

Ahh it's just the same type of drivel up there with the anti meat/anti abortion lot. Designed to make you feel guilty because your choices arnt the same as theirs.

I personally would write 'what a load of bollocks' PMSL ' under it and not give it another thought.

pommedechocolat · 12/07/2013 13:26

EXACTLY LJL69.

Now will someone tell my MIL that too please?!

bumbleymummy · 12/07/2013 13:26

LingDiLong - depends on why they're waking up really. Hungry/thirsty/too hot/too cold/pain somewhere etc. They aren't sleep problems.

DuelingFanjo · 12/07/2013 13:27

" I think the worry is the need to share parenting techniques in this preachy unbalanced vomity way on a platform such as facebook. Do what you want and leave others to do what they want unless they specifically ask for advice.
"

Have I misunderstood? Did she post it onto the OP's Timeline?

LingDiLong · 12/07/2013 13:30

Yes bumblemummy, I really was that stupid that it never occurred to me that they might be hungry/thirsty/too hot etc etc. If only I'd had the benefit of your wisdom at the time Hmm

tomverlaine · 12/07/2013 13:32

if she believes that why isn't she co-sleeping? bit hypcritical.
That sort of post is horrible. I tried some sleep techniques with DS as I was desperate but I felt so guilty about trying them anyway that seeing something like that would have made me (more of) an emotional wreck.
I think until you have had a baby/child who really doesn't sleep - not just to your schedule - and especially when you are working/have day time committments which mean that you can't catch up you have no idea of the impact.

ll31 · 12/07/2013 13:34

Ignore . Don't really know why your so upset if your happy with doing cc anyway.

IceAddict · 12/07/2013 13:38

It doesn't sound to me from what you've said that you were particularly strict or mean to your children whilst doing CC. Ignore her, its up to you what you do, she's making out like you've intentionally harmed and been evil. You could unsubscribe to her posts, as I have my BIL, as he irritates the life out of me, she will be non the wiser and you won't have to read her shite anymore, everyones a winner Grin

IceAddict · 12/07/2013 13:41

Also I'm sure there's a greater risk of cot death with co sleeping than CC. So put that on her FB if you wish to irritate her in return. Sure this has been said. Ignore me if it has x

DuelingFanjo · 12/07/2013 13:43

Why would the OP want to do something to deliberately infuriate someone on their facebook? Bizzare.

HaroldLloyd · 12/07/2013 13:47

But it's ok for her SIL to do that fanjo?

DuelingFanjo · 12/07/2013 13:49

Again - have I misunderstood and did the OP's sister in law post the thing onto the OP's timeline?

DuelingFanjo · 12/07/2013 13:51

When I said "Why would the OP want to do something to deliberately infuriate someone on their facebook?"

I mean why would the OP want to irritate someone deliberately by posting a link onto the other person's facebook timeline, as suggested in an earlier post.

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