... to have an argument with SIL over her post about controlled crying?

[katykuns]

Post: 'Dear mommy,

I am confused.
I am used to falling asleep in your soft, warm arms. Each night I lay snuggled close to you; close enough to hear your heartbeat, close enough to smell your sweet fragrance. I gaze at your beautiful face as I gently drift off to sleep, safe and secure in your loving embrace. When I awaken with a growling stomach, cold feet or because I need a cuddle, you attend to me quickly and before long I am sound asleep once again.
But this last week has been different.

Gentle, Tear-Free Sleep Solution
Each night this week has gone like this. You tucked me up into my cot and kissed me goodnight, turned out the light and left. At first I was confused, wondering where you?d gone. Soon I became scared, and called for you. I called and called for you mummy, but you wouldn?t come! I was so sad, mummy. I wanted you so badly. I?ve never felt feelings that strong before. Where did you go?
Eventually you came back! Oh, how happy and relieved I was that you came back! I thought you had left me forever! I reached up to you but you wouldn?t pick me up. You wouldn?t even look me in the eye. You lay me back down with those soft warm arms, said ?shh, it?s night time now? and left again.
This happened again, over and over. I screamed for you and after a while, longer each time, you would return but you wouldn?t hold me.
After I had screamed a while, I had to stop. My throat hurt so badly. My head was pounding and my tiny tummy was growling. My heart hurt the most, though. I just couldn?t understand why you wouldn?t come.
After what felt like a lifetime of nights like this, I gave up. You don?t come when I scream, and when you do finally come you won?t even look me in the eye, let alone hold my shaking, sobbing little body. The screaming hurt too much to carry on for very long.
I just don?t understand, mummy. In the daytime when I fall and bump my head, you pick me up and kiss it better. If I am hungry, you feed me. If I crawl over to you for a cuddle, you read my mind and scoop me up, covering my tiny face with kisses and telling me how special I am and how much you love me. If I need you, you respond to me straight away.
But at night time, when it?s dark and quiet and my night-light casts strange shadows on my wall, you disappear. I can see that you?re tired, mummy, but I love you so much. I just want to be near to you, that?s all.
Now, at night time, I am quiet. But I still miss you.'


She doesn't understand why it's angered me. In my opinion, it's emotional blackmail and utterly manipulative. I did controlled crying with DD1, but she was naturally a good sleeper so it wasn't really a challenging experience. DD2 isn't a great sleeper, and we do try for a few minutes to see if she will settle, but get her back up when she doesn't.
As I see it, this is written by an adult projecting her own feelings about CC onto others through the form of a poor vulnerable baby, it really doesn't sit right with me at all.
I don't really agree with co-sleeping, but I never would post stuff like this to upset people doing co-sleeping.

[pommedechocolat]

What difference does it make as a specific fb timeline post vs a generally 'advising everyone on her fb friends list' post??

[charitygirl]

ROFL at 'I can see that you're tired Mummy'. This kind of breaks the spell for me.

[HaroldLloyd]

You know full well copying and pasting this sort of thing goes into ALL your friends feeds. Some of whom might be struggling with sleeping & babies. Infuriating.

Still I wouldn't do it back to her because I'm not a Facebook nob like that.

I would hide her.

[Dackyduddles]

It's a bit sappy but unfortunately some of the sentiment is accurate. As mum you do do things in the day that you won't necessarily do at night. I don't do strict cc but neither am I beholden to her at night. I tread a middle way I guess most do for peace!

Just ignore it.

It is a bit curious your having such a deep revulsion for it. Maybe it does say more than u are comfortable with? Only u need know/answer that.

[pommedechocolat]

'Mummy I can see that you are fooking knackered and that potty training my sister and trying to do your company accounts on 30 mins sleep is a real challenge. Never mind. Im hungry again, wap your breasts out.'

[LadyBeagleEyes]

Are people really agreeing with that over sentimental twaddle?
The debate about cc or not is fair enough, but anyone that can take that shit seriously the way it's been put across needs to maybe try nethuns.

[bumbleymummy]

LingDilong - I'd just rather know why they're waking up rather than thinking of it as a sleep problem that needs to be 'solved' with some form of sleep training.

I hate the assumption that those of us who haven't used controlled crying must have all had angelic babies who slept through from day one

[LingDiLong]

Bumbleymummy, and I hate the assumption that those of us who've had babies who simply wouldn't sleep are too stupid to work out that they might need feeding or similar.

I never, ever said that people who used controlled crying must have angelic babies so why on earth are you projecting that on to me? I said that they might have had babies who slept better or the mums themselves might simply have more patience to be able to dealing with the waking. In fact I'd say the latter is true of all the mums I know IRL who haven't used CC.

The very fact that you assume every baby who wakes up simply needs feeding/changing/warming up/cooling down or whatever suggests that actually you haven't dealt with the hideousness of a baby waking constantly or for hours at a time, day after day, week after week, month after month - or longer. Believe me, those of us who've dealt with that have had plenty of time and motivation to work our way through the 'are they cold, are they hungry' list.

[HaroldLloyd]

If any one can tell me exactly to find out why a baby is crying you can splatter that all over my news feed whenever you like.

[bumbleymummy]

Haven't said you were too stupid to work anything out. My second paragraph wasn't directed at you. It's a general observation - it's an idea that always gets out across on these types of threads.

I haven't said it can only be down to being hungry/cold etc - they could also be in pain (cramps/teething/reflux/colic) or even just scared. I also happen to have been a baby who didn't sleep (undiagnosed allergies) and my parents had to take turns sitting up with me so they could get enough sleep between them. They never used CC.

[bumbleymummy]

Harold, you can't - therein lies the danger of assuming they have a 'sleep problem' and using 'sleep training' to sort it out.

[DuelingFanjo]

"What difference does it make as a specific fb timeline post vs a generally 'advising everyone on her fb friends list' post??"

well, because it's not really right to expect everyone else to only post what you want to see is it? People should Post whatever they want (so long as it's legal) on your own facebook and stop worrying about what other people put on theirs, or indeed why they are putting it there.

Of course it matters if it was posted on their own timeline rather than onto someon elses. if I post something onto someone elses timeline I am directly involving them in that posting. I am saying 'I think you may be or should be interested in this' - if I post something on my own timeline I am saying 'I am interested in this'.

People here have suggested the OP tag her SIL in photos to wind her up or post things on her SIL's wall to deliberately irritate them.

It's childish.

[DuelingFanjo]

"Are people really agreeing with that over sentimental twaddle?"

for the record I think it's mawkish stuff (Though I wouldn't do CC myself) but I would defend the OP's sister in law's right to post whatever she likes (so long as it's legal) on her OWN timeline.

I had someone question me over why I posted stuff about extended breastfeeding once. WTF. if it annoys you block my posts, I have other friends who are interested but even that aside I can post whatever I like for my own entertainment.

[FridaKarlov]

:boak:

[KatieLily12]

I saw that doing the rounds on various groups on Facebook and actually dropped out of them. I co sleep and hold mine till she sleeps but I can't be dealing with this judgey rubbish.

To each their own. Roll your eyes and do what you're doing as long as you're happy with it and think little one is responding. I hate crying techniques but I've no time for unsolicited opinions. Parenting is hard enough.

[rowtunda]

bumbleymummy - please stop.

Personally I do see it as a sleep problem if my baby isn't sleeping well and if I am not getting enough sleep. My DS is tired, whingy and grumpy, I am tired, whingy and grumpy and I argue a lot with my husband. Sorting out the sleep solves these issues. Having a good amount of sleep is also bloody important for child development.

[OTheHugeManatee]

In the words of Dorothy Parker: Tonstant weader fwowed up.

[bumbleymummy]

Row - stop what? Having an opinion? of course sleep is important - where have I said otherwise? We obviously just differ in our ideas about 'sorting out the sleep'.

[Wossname]

I co slept but agree with the poster further up- sappy, mawkish bollocks.

[LingDiLong]

Well bumblemummy do you know why I think my two 'bad' sleepers wouldn't sleep? I think they, quite naturally, wanted their mum. BUT the presence of their mum kept them awake. I tried solving that problem in a variety of ways, co-sleeping but keeping noise and stimulation to a minimum, lying on the floor of their room (yes really!), fuck, I even got in the cot with one of them once - now that's desperation. None of that worked. What did work was CC.

I really couldn't give a toss that your parents were able to take it in turns to sit up with you, that has absolutely no bearing on my situation with a husband who was often working away and had elderly, frail parents who he needed to spend time with at the weekend also requiring him to be away over night quite regularly. Perhaps if your parents had been able to sleep more they wouldn't have dropped the ball when it came to teaching empathy.

[bumbleymummy]

No need to be offensive Ling. you're clearly sensitive about your decision.

[FunnysInLaJardin]

entirely naff and it would annoy me too.

[FunnysInLaJardin]

and judgy

[rowtunda]

Bumbleymummy - I think you are receiving the wrath of people because you have (possibly unwittingly, if I give you the benefit of the doubt)come across as a bit super judgy pants and simplistic in your personal view that there is no such thing as sleep problems - its just the baby doesn't fit in with the parents schedule or that maybe the parents haven't considered the needs of the baby - warmth/hunger etc etc.

So my 'please stop' was aimed at you to stop coming across on your posts as such a berk - for want of a better way of phrasing it.

We obviously do differ in our ideas of 'sorting out sleep' and you are welcome to your opinion but understand that for some mums and babies your opinion is both irrelevant and wrong.

[DomesticCEO]

We did CC with DS2 when he was 18 mths old and I nearly crashed the car through sleep deprivation.

There is such unbelievable shite spouted on here about CC and I think it's often confused with CIO.

CC worked for us and dragged me back from the brink of insanity. My now 3 1/2 DS has obviously had no affects from it because he doesn't bloody remember it!

Martyr yourself to sleep deprivation if you want but I figured a few short nights of CC was infinitely preferable to a car crash.