to think it's wrong to leave a baby/toddler sleeping alone in a hotel room?

[strawberry34]

When you have a monitor and are still in the premises?my friend says she does it when on holiday, she goes to the bar/restaurant and responds to the monitor if her 2yo dd wakes, I was shocked and said I wouldn't ever want to, I stay in the room and read a book/have a bath. Aibu to think what she's doing is wrong? I don't want to refer to famous cases but to me there's too much risk.

I am not accepting my stance is not rational.
I have both rational and irrational reasons for not wanting to do it.

But you're right. I am not judging others on this.

:) Well, no one is forcing any one else to do anything in between either

It's a shame there's been so much vitriol.
It's quite an interesting date really.
But underlines why I am always banging on to dh that villa holidays are better than hotels when one has small children.

The problem on this thread is that so many people are trying to say that perfectly legitimate irrational choices are the only reasonable responsible ones, and to tell people who actually consider risk in a logical way that they are being bad, irresponsible parents. Which, understandably, rankles.

This

Trying to leave my professional experience aside I just think its a completely unnecessary risk for a very poor reason.

As I said I've been involved with children who have had accidents in hotel rooms and also cases where issues of abuse have arisen. That aside, and I accept that some people just can't get their heads around that these things happen, we all know someone who has had belongings stolen from rooms.

Thefts from hotel rooms are pretty common. Its happened to me and several people I know (top end hotels too). Everybody knows this and that's why there are safes in rooms. Why on earth then would people leave a baby? its just nonsensical to me.

date? Debate.

Not all the reasons are illogical. Some are. Not all.
I indulge in a bit of both.
The real trouble here is that there are some ppl on each side of the debate that are making value judgements which can be hurtful.

Well Hamilton, I have been staying in hotels for the past 25 years on a reasonably frequent basis. I have never had anything stolen. The hotel I was staying at in Devon was quite small and seemed very well run with happy staff. I was completely comfortable with my decision.

Had it been a massive chain hotel or some seedy London hostel type, then er no I would not have left my baby.

Anyone reading this thread who hasn't stayed in a hotel before is going to get an interesting perspective on how they are run - apparently they are all quite flammable and staffed by child abductors and petty thieves.

I think my point about piss poor risk analysis remains pretty strong.

We did it in a small hotel in the Lake District in the 70's. We didn't have a monitor! Ds was 7 and dd was 3. We showed ds which button on the phone to press for the dining room if they needed us. I wouldn't do it now though! It was the only hotel holiday we had when dc were small. Both dc were amazingly good sleepers though so if there had been a local fire or someone had got into the room the consequences would have been beyond horrible. I can't believe we were so stupid. We popped in to check them every 30 minutes (shades of MM) and were only gone from the room for 90 minutes but I wouldn't feel it was OK now.

Btw I would not dream of judging anyone who couldn't bear to leave their baby under any circumstances. That is probably basic biology and is usually a sane and sensible response.

But I will judge and be annoyed at people who tell me I am a bad parent because they apply irrational criteria to their own judgment process. Instead of wasting your time moaning at or about parents like me, campaign for all hotel baby monitoring services to be criminalised and parents prosecuted. An entirely rational response to the huge numbers of babies who die or are injured in such circumstances (in your mind).

So agree entirely with curlew.

I have only done it once, when DD was small and slept well. I rang and requested a room right next to the restaurant. It was the only option for a special anniversary. We have cottages etc to avoid the situation. But, I can see that it is illogical and would never judge others that do it.

For posters that keep their children out late so they can enjoy their holiday, that to me is unreasonable and selfish. CHildren need regular bedtimes, so IMO either they are not the best parents because they do it regularly at home, or they are putting their own needs first and keeping thier children up late for their own selfish reasons so they themselves can enjoy their evening. Not great parenting in my book.

The only thing that is acceptable then, is to go to bed at 7 or 8 with the children. Some people obviously do, but those who don't, are not in a position to judge. Everybody is trying to get adult time in the way that is acceptable to them.

I have stayed in hotels regularly (as a child on family holidays and as an adult on business and on holiday, including three consecutive years of inter-railing for a month as a student) for over 50 years and never had anything stolen from the room.

The one time I had anything stolen from my room was when I was staying in a chalet. Same chalet where in later years we stayed with ds.

Still didn't stop me eating meals with ds asleep in the the room.

Yes, I have only done it twice. Once in a downstairs restaurant with baby monitor, once 2 hours outside hotel with hotel staff on reception with monitor.

There was only a small window of opportunity when she was too little to wander about and she was sleeping well. I would not leave a mobile child, I would get a babysitter or not go out.

But I do quite dislike this attitude that everything has to stop for you when you are a parent. I don't think that is healthy for parent or child. Usually my daughter comes first because she has needs whereas I usually have wants. But I am still a human being who would be very unhappy if my life revolved entirely around a child.

Spero

If that post is directed at me I find it ludicrous.

Wealth of years of professional experience has shown me its certainly not an irrational risk and whilst small it is still an unacceptable risk to most people who have far greater awareness these days. Piss poor risk analysis is laughable. Thinking that these things don't happen or that hotel rooms don't have thefts is delusional.

Not sure how you feel in the position to judge people who disagree with your choice and yet take issue with them judging you.

I don't think it's unreasonable or selfish to keep children up late on holiday.
It makes perfect sense.
Nap in a cool room around lunchtime. Eat later with family when it's cooler. A bit of routine change is no bad thing IMHO.
The restaurants were full of local families in the evening when we were away. It wouldn't have made sense to have the children eat at 5 or 6 in 40degree heat. Much better to make it later.
Each to their own.

Hamilton I was simply pointing out that in 25 years I have managed to stay at hotels where nobody stole from me.

I am sorry that you didn't have the same advantage. It's obviously had an impact on your emotional equilibrium.

Spero bitchy comments just reflect on you.

In a sense you are right though, it does have an emotional impact when you have to break the news of a child's death to hysterical parents on more than once occasion. You would be a bit of a sociopath to be totally unaffected by this.

All I have ever said was its an unnecessary risk, which it is. If people don't like hearing this then they can suck it up.

Hamilton, is that the phone? I think it is Mr Pot calling for you.

Sorry you have had to tell parents their child has died. That must be hard.

But I am wondering how many of those deaths resulted from being left in a hotel room with a baby monitor?

I am seriously interested on those stats because of my risk assessments are based on dodgy info I would really like to know. But no one seems to want to help with that info. I can't find it anywhere.

Hamilton75- you keep talking about your experience- but when asked specific questions about specific circumstances, you won't answer.

I repeat. Do you know of cases where a sleeping baby in a locked hotel room has come to harm while its parents were downstairs in the same hotel with a baby monitor? Yes or no?

My keen research has thus far revealed that hotel swimming pools are incredibly dangerous and an 11 year old boy was found dead in a hotel in North Carolina.

Devon seems pretty clear of burning hotels thus far.

Google Devon hotel fire

Devon has had a fair few hotel fires. Even lots I would say.
though this may be because Devon is the second biggest county, and has lots of hotels.

Though I take your point that a small family run hotel is different to a Travelodge at Heathrow airport.

I wonder if the smoking ban has had an impact on the number of hotel fires, completely off the original point I know

Heck. Just realised I dont want to put people off going to Devon.
I expect it's fire safety is the same as elsewhere?

Just goes to show that even if a fire does break out, no harm appears to come to babies left sleeping in their rooms..........

Bearing in mind that one of the two fires reported was a small blaze in a tumble dryer in the laundry room, quickly extinguished. If my tumble dryer (if I had one, which I haven't) caught fire, I might well not notice......

Can I ask, do people feel guilty?
I think we all adjust risks and consequences as we go along.
I am pretty sure, actually know I am sure that there are a few things I did childwise, that I will advise my own children not to do.
Cot death stuff for one.
When mine were little I put the face down I think. My mum said that was not the right thing to do. I said it was, it seemed right to me, and that was the medical advice at the time.
Now you put them the other way up? And cot deaths are down. So I was wrong, and my mother was right.
But we all have to do what we think is right at the time. Do I feel guilty? No, not really. Would I do it again? No.

curlew

Asked and answered. Read previous posts. Unless you are seriously expecting me to give family names out I'm not sure what you want.