To refuse to buy fags for my friend?

[ScariestFairyByFar]

My friend can't leave the house so often asks me to get fags for her. This week I've helped her out buying food and dds birthday present as she was in tears cos she was going to have nothing to open because she could afford to buy her anything. She's found £10 this morning and wants me to get fags for her. Aibu to refuse to go?

YANBU

not even a little bit

I am severely disabled and am often housebound, having to rely on people for even basic things is unbelievably hard and can be soul destroying. But she is massively taking the piss

'I don't like the idea of using the fact that she can't, to exercise control over her decisions whether you agree with them or not.'

This is precisely why the OP needs to step away entirely.

Op is not exercising control, she has every right to not get fags for this woman, but she's not preventing her going to someone else!

yANBU. I'm not sure i could continue to be friends with someone so selfish, that they are prepared to let their child have nothing to open on their birthday. I think that would be a deal breaker for me. I certainly couldn't keep my mouth shut. I'd have to spell out how I felt.

If you do need her to be your friend for whatever reason, I certainly wouldn't be helping out financially again, although I would buy the cigarettes this time as it is her money. I would never sub her again, although I would try to slip her dd little treats and food directly. I do feel sorry for her dd . I would do my best to make her life better in anyway I could, even if it means reporting any concerns.

I know it's a poor choice to make on her part, but I'd just feel uneasy about doing that to a friend even though it would be understandable to refuse.

I'd buy them for her. If I felt uncomfortable or like I was being taken advantage of I'd then break away from the friendship altogether.

My DH borrowed some money from his parents (he should have let me know but at the time he thought he was helping by not stressing me out about money as I wasn't well). It wasn't a huge amount, but anyway a short while later I sold something on Gumtree to raise a bit of extra cash and as the in-laws lived near the buyer they offered to drop it off for me.

They kept the cash as part of the loan repayment without being offered it. Our financial situation hadnt improved enough to pay them back, but as they had it in their hand. They decided to keep it.

I know it's a bit different but it's part of the reason I wouldn't go along with anyone saying to take this woman's money and keep it/spend it on something else.

I think your friend is being pretty selfish. As a smoker I can safely say if I was out of money and couldn't even afford a bday present for my dd, the first thing I would do if I found some money would be to buy something for my dds birthday not to buy fags.

Yes it's an addiction and you get stressed out if you can't have them but there are more important things than getting fags and surely she should just suck it up and put herself second.

I say ask her something like "Is dds birthday all sorted out now then?" Or maybe even ask if she needs you to pick up a birthday cake or something to try and remind her of he situation.

Hope that helps.

OP I agree with others who say this "friend" sounds like a user. She's not going to change, so you have to decide how you want to be treated.

The disability is irrelevant IMO (except that if she didn't need someone to get her cigs, we wouldn't know she had conveniently found a tenner)