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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask your opinions on breastfeeding an adoptive child?

48 replies

HeffalumpTheFlump · 06/07/2013 22:47

Im watching a program on really about breastfeeding. It's mainly about extended bfing, a subject I find quite fascinating, but also features a woman who has extended bf her biological child and is now adopting a Chinese baby girl.

She wants to start bfing her adoptive child who looks to be between 6 months and a year old at the point of adoption.

I know it's none of my business what they do and i don't feel judgemental towards her. However I was quite shocked to hear of her plans, I've never heard of someone doing this before.

I am genuinely curious to hear others opinions on starting breastfeeding with an adoptive child. Does the age of the child make a difference? For information the child has been fed formula up until this point and the adoptive mother is attempting bfing her as soon as the adoption goes ahead.

OP posts:

formicadinosaur · 06/07/2013 22:49

Great if she can

Shallishanti · 06/07/2013 22:49

I would be very surprised if the child was able to do it. IME, bf children quickly forget once they are weaned

Fakebook · 06/07/2013 22:50

How will she teach a 6-12m old how to latch on if they've been bottle fed up until now? .

Ikeameatballs · 06/07/2013 22:52

I think it's a nice idea but I'm not sure how successful it's going to be.

SirBoobAlot · 06/07/2013 22:52

Have known of a few people to do it :) It's fabulous. And actually a lot of babies are able to remember how to latch months after last breastfeeding, indeed, if they ever had at all.

Jan49 · 06/07/2013 22:53

Not sure why you'd be shocked. I think it would be good if she bf the adoptive child. It sounds like she's already breastfeeding her own child so is far more likely to succeed in bf with the adopted child than someone who isn't already breastfeeding.

FreudiansSlipper · 06/07/2013 22:54

How wonderful if she can

not sure if she will be able to but if she can I think that is great

neunundneunzigluftballons · 06/07/2013 22:54

I think it is a great idea she may not be able to bf fulltime but any breastfeeding is better than none both for the baby's health and bonding with the baby.

1944girl · 06/07/2013 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lawabidingmama · 06/07/2013 23:01

I think I've seen this it was on a couple of years ago, if I recall she eventually got the little girl when she was toddling so 1 plus??? I wonder how it worked out? Was her older child a boy about 4?? I seem to remember him getting upset when she tried to feed the girl? What channel is it on?

NotYoMomma · 06/07/2013 23:06

I wouldn't :/

and I'm adopted.

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 06/07/2013 23:08

It just finished, it was on really. As far as you saw on the program she didn't succeed in getting her new daughter to take the breast. She did however give her some of her breastmilk on a spoon and she loved it.

Yes she had a nearly 4 year old little boy but he was helping with it, not upset at all as far as you could see on the program.

Shocked because I have never heard of it before, not because there is anything wrong with it by the way. My only concern was that the child seemed to find it a bit upsetting to be offered the breast because she obviously didn't know what it was as had always been bottle fed.

OP posts:

SuperiorCat · 06/07/2013 23:08

YANBU to ask people's opinions....but if you want a proper discussion about it then you might be better on one of the BF boards

TroublesomeEx · 06/07/2013 23:09

I think it's a great idea too.

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 06/07/2013 23:10

From seeing the baby a little more in the rest of the program I would say she was definitely closer to a year old. It was a bit hard to tell as she had only just met the new family and was mainly clung to the new mother.

OP posts:

Futterby · 06/07/2013 23:11

Fantastic idea, if it would be possible :)

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 06/07/2013 23:16

My Dh's gut reaction was to feel it was a bit wrong, especially as she was a bit older. I can see what he means, I don't think anyone would think twice if she was a newborn, but an older child could be a bit harder to get your head around. I did find myself questioning whether it was right or not when it upset the little girl for the new mother to try.

OP posts:

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 06/07/2013 23:19

Superiorcat - why wouldn't there be a proper discussion here? I like the fact that posters are brutally honest on Aibu, so was quite curious as to the responses.

OP posts:

Lawabidingmama · 06/07/2013 23:19

Must have been the same programme then, to answer your OP I think it's great if you can do it but in her situation with a much older baby who had never been breastfed I'm not sure it would work out? I bf my DDs for 9 and 7 month and if I offered my now 15 month old my boob now I don't think she would have a clue what I was doing having said that I'm not lactating so I guess if theres milk there they would soon click on! I would be worried that the pressure of trying to establish a supply and feeding in an older baby may be counter productive on the bond.

5madthings · 06/07/2013 23:26

If you can do it its great. I have reads several cases of adoptive mothers managing to do this,i f you google you can find lots of info about it.

NoComet · 06/07/2013 23:28

It's a lovely idea, but I'm not surprised the child found it difficult to BF.

My DD BF for many years, as she got bigger she slowly adjusted how she did it. Latching on without teeth and a babies snub nose may be instinctive, but holding your head so you can breath and latching on with teeth when you don't easily fit on mummy's knee is not. It's a skill toddlers develop over time.

valiumredhead · 06/07/2013 23:29

If it's the documentary I saw then my friend went to NCT classes with her. Useless fact

I think it's lovely if you can

SavoyCabbage · 06/07/2013 23:30

I once saw a programme about the ongoing health problems that some adoptive children have due to poor nutrition at the very start of their lives.

ohshitimlate · 06/07/2013 23:36

Fine for adoptive parents of young babies but if it's the programme I remember seeing then it wasn't right.

The baby was too old, the mother too invested in making bf work. She needed to drop it, bottle feed and bond another way. It was all about her needs not the children's.

VisualiseAHorse · 06/07/2013 23:38

The woman who was on the front cover of Time magazine nursing her 4/5 year old also BF her adopted son. (remember, there was all that fuss about it?)

I think it's worth a go. Why the hell not? I would happily wet-nurse for someone, or let them feed my baby. Same thing really. Breast milk is ace stuff, it's worth a go.

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