DH is being unreasonable [title edited by MNHQ]

[expatbrat]

To think that it's bloody ridiculous how much research is going into which Doctor to go to for a vasectomy and how little (none on his behalf) it was for me to go on birth control?
I mean REALLY... Get over it and get it snipped!
Happily married, 2 grown kids, no plans for any more (fingers crossed) Time of life I would like to not be screwing up my hormones and reach menopause in some kind of natural state. All he has to do is pick which Dr he would like to go with and in/out Bobs your uncle.
IABU to think Google is a bugger and should be banned from all Husbands on a quest for vasectomy horror stories?

Should add he really does agree/want to get it done.

[TSSDNCOP]

I can see from your explanations why Ops use of special is offensive, but I saw it in a different way. I've always known special to be used as a gentle insult in the context of "you think you're something special" as in better than the rest.

OP I reckon you're just blowing off some steam, but when you recover from being clobbered I'd get the thread title changed

[cricketballs]

ffs now I have heard everything! needaholidaynow what is the first word in SN? that gives you a clue that it is not an offensive term to describe SN but part of the title used.

As with most of these threads, it would be interesting if those who are so offended are of the group of people being discussed

By the way, the show is brilliant especially the episode my DS appeared in

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

MrsDV - sorry I'll explain a little clearer:

OP uses word special, probably having nothing to do with SN context

OP gets roasted for use of the word special, because sometimes people use that word in a negative way when talking about SN

Another Poster (me) asks if that means that they cant use the word special even if its got nothing to do with SN.

HTH

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Another poster (me) contends that you are being willfully obtuse here.

Hth.

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

Ok, try again as Im clearly not the only obtuse one here

"I must be special as Im the only DH EVER to have a vasectomy"

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

"I want that last chocolate because Im special as Ive had the week from hell and Im the only person to ever get stressed out"

is that ok? Going off this thread Id have my head kicked in if I used that phrase.

[Mrsrobertduvall]

I think op's husband is Marinho.

[LondonMother]

The example given that was deleted from S&B was clearly offensive and meant to be.

'These shoes make me look special/spechul/'special'.' I can't think of any way in which that could not have been meant as a slighting reference to disability.

However, I do think the OP's title is nothing like as clear cut as that. She's implying that her husband is making a fuss about nothing and behaving as if he is special in that he can't just submit to the ordinary run of the mill NHS procedures like everyone else. Nothing whatsoever to do with special educational needs.

Clearly for those of you with children with SEN still in the school system this is a very, very sensitive issue. But I'd never even heard of that BBC programme before opening this thread. It is possible to give offence entirely unintentionally, you know.

[TheToysAreALIVEITellThee]

Context is everything

Unsuspecting person - "blah blah blah .....I like that black one over there"
Mumsnet - "what? You fucking racist twat, how fucking dare you use that word to describe someone, whats wrong with "that person over there". I pity your children"
Unsuspecting person - "er....I meant the black bag"
Mumsnet - "oh......well, just so you know its still offensive and if you cant understand that I pity you, and your poor children, have you had enough coffee?"
Unsuspecting person - "erm.... okaaaaaaay"

[Abra1d]

'Special' used to mean 'precious' has been around for years.

[curlew]

So why the inverted commas? And why "being special"? Not "thinks he's special"?

There is much disingenuousness on this thread,

[MarshaBrady]

It's the quote marks. It mimics the way people say it.

Something special is fine as it doesn't have them. With the " would be a different thing - and entirely ridiculous.

[GobbySadcase]

Omg what a disgusting title.
Which is why I avoid using special needs, preferring additional.
Just like when the ignorant turned the word spastic from a medical term into an insult... I suppose it's because small minded bigots see disability as being lesser and therefore the terms to describe them are fair game for insults.

It's really sad and not at all in the spirit of 'this is my child'.

[ParadiseChick]

Jesus fuck

[YouTheCat]

Oh ffs.

OP - 2 bricks... job done.

[gamerchick]

'kin hell.. The things people choose to be offended by these days. [/eyesrolloutofhead].

Let him do his research OP.. He'll get there eventually.

[hazeyjane]

I read the title to mean "special" = stupid, and find that offensive.

If the op had said 'AIBU - Dh thinks he is special' I would not find that offensive,

Agree that some people are being disingenuous.

(And as a sideline op - yabu, it is his operation on his parts, he can google as much as he likes!)

[KateSMumsnet]

Morning everyone,

Thanks to everyone who brought this thread to our attention.

As many people on the thread have pointed out, "special" may not always be derogatory towards the SN community. However, in this case we felt that it would be better to edit the title to avoid any confusion or upset.

Also, just a gentle reminder that we will remove threads that become bunfights.

Hope you all get to enjoy the sunshine!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Well I find the Asda Extra Special range offensive.

Cos that's the same as calling someone "special" as an insult, of course.

at the massive disingenuity on the thread.

Glad the title was edited

[YoniWheretheSunDontShine]

I am v hot on this kind of thing BUT special is usually used to describe diva like behaviour making un reasonable demands.

In this instance I would take op to mean that.

[differentnameforthis]

OK, so if it is that easy op, why don't volunteer to be sterilised?

That's what I did. I live with a medical phobic dh! We talked about vasectomy, we looked into it, he couldn't do it & I am not in any position to force him. So I had a tubal ligation.

Before we got to the point I always expected (in my own mind) that dh would have the snip, also thinking that I had "done my bit' for our family. But once the time approached I realised how bloody stupid, selfish & point scoring stating that I had "done my bit' was. I didn't use childbearing as a competition that my dh had no chance of winning. Therefore my attitude that it was now "his turn" shocked me.

As I said, after talking about it, I dropped it & decided to get it done myself. There was nothing to it.

I don't understand why we expect contraception to fall to men after we have decided that we have had enough. I mean, unless they use condoms, they can't really do much else...they can't carry the baby, give birth etc.

Every one would be in uproar if a woman was forced to carry a baby, or take the pill, to get sterilised, yet we seem to think we can force men to get invasive surgery!

[FannyFifer]

It's not forcing, its about being with a man, in my case who shows respect for what I have put my body through for us as a family.

High risk pregnancies, hormones with the pill and associated health risks.

As our family is complete, I have done my bit, he wanted to do his.

[prissyenglisharriviste]

Just the quotes. That was all.

Anyway, I can't get excited over vasectomies. When dh started getting precious about it, I just pointed out the Caesarean sections, episiotomies, tears, bucket loads of stitches, and weeks having fanjo physio as a result of bearing his children, and told him to suck it up, princess.

Having a kid disabled by childbirth helped as a motivator, natch.

[Eyesunderarock]

But he isn't objecting, he just wants to check out all the possible outcomes and options. OP would be better off saying he needs to make his mind up and get it booked by a certain date.
I'd be very pissed off if I was scared about something like extensive dental work and my OH told me to suck it up because he'd had worse.