DH is being unreasonable [title edited by MNHQ]

[expatbrat]

To think that it's bloody ridiculous how much research is going into which Doctor to go to for a vasectomy and how little (none on his behalf) it was for me to go on birth control?
I mean REALLY... Get over it and get it snipped!
Happily married, 2 grown kids, no plans for any more (fingers crossed) Time of life I would like to not be screwing up my hormones and reach menopause in some kind of natural state. All he has to do is pick which Dr he would like to go with and in/out Bobs your uncle.
IABU to think Google is a bugger and should be banned from all Husbands on a quest for vasectomy horror stories?

Should add he really does agree/want to get it done.

I think expatbrat is coming across as very unsympathetic in the OP, but as she lives abroad I wonder if she knows how that phrase is coming across back here in the UK? I have to say, I didn't read the phrase that way and I've spent my entire life here. I read it as 'special snowflake' type of behaviour, not behaving like someone with a disability.

And just to throw a spanner in the works, when we decided our family was complete, I was the one who had surgery. I didn't want to become pregnant again under any circumstances and wanted to be as certain as I could about that. No regrets at all.

It's not a hunting party with torches and pitchforks.

It's some individual posters commenting and being offended, separately.

I took it as meaning precious and a bit of a drama llama.

Cutler, thank God! Unfortunately your post is scarily close to things I have read on here which the posters did mean.

Wow, I really didn't know that "special" was used as an insult.

MN teaches me new things all the time.

I do think the OP meant "precious", and wasn't intending to imply anything to do with disability, but I do think perhaps it would be appropriate for her to ask for the thread title to be edited, in light of the upset it has obviously caused.

I originally thought that "special" was being used as in "special little snowflake".

I don't (and hope) op used it in a sn context.

I read it as precious. I kinda know how the op feels tbh. My dp backed out if having a vasectomy I'd love for him to have one. My body doesn't get on with the pill , I don't trust the implants , the dr advises me against a coil and even the latex free condoms irritate me. I've gone through a traumatic pregnancy with my second and for once I'd like him to do something.

I wouldn't be as unsupportive as op comes across but I do see how she would feel frustrated.

Oh give over, its clear op isn't meaning it that way. It's another word for precious. I've seen loads of posts saying "I'm speshul" and noone ever pulls them up on it.

Op Yabu about your dh though, its a big thing so its right he's researching

Yes, i think the OP now understands very clearly that she should have given the title a little more thought. I think she has been thoroughly educated by lots of separate people who in no way influence each other

Eyes - i was making a general point as others had posted similar stories. I also read monumental procrastination into the post - as obviously the OP is frustrated at ball feet dragging.

The fact that anyone thinks curlew was serious says it all to me. Curlew made a highly excellent point through irony.

Yuk to thread title. None of my family happen to have special needs, but I agree that using that word, especially in quotes, is offensive.

as to the OP's DH researching doctors to carry out the procedure, that seems eminently sensible.

My DH, like over 10% of men, suffered extensive pain for an extended period of time after his VS (over 2 years in all). Luckily all is well now (there was no guarantee that the pain would not be permanent), but it is not a quick little snip with no risks.

'I've seen loads of posts saying "I'm speshul" and noone ever pulls them up on it.'

Really? Well many of us who have children with additional needs do try, but we can't be everywhere. Unfortunately the ignorant and insensitive can.

Yes, really really.

So I can't use the word special in case I offend anyone, even though the context might have sweet fa to do with sn?

Did you read and understand Chipping's post, or do you need more coffee?

'Oh and to the nincompoops who say things like 'you can't reserve a word' FFS, there's a world of difference between saying 'It's a special birthday' or 'You make me feel really special' and saying 'He's acting ''special''' and if you genuinely can't see that, I pity you - but just learn not to do it.'

Oh gosh I never thought of the word special in the title as meaning other than a bit entitled. To me all children are special as in lovely individuals each unique and valuable. Like a special piece of jewellery or a special treat.

Aside from the title, OP YABU.

Of course someone will want to research the procedure and the competency of local providers. That you chose not to for a prescription has no bearing on whether he does so for an operation.

OP be happy he has decided to have it done, by whom is his choice. How picky he is is down to him, too imo.
Relax a bit, it's not exactly an easy decision for most men.
Special does not ring any insult bells for me but I'm forrin. Hope I haven't used it and unknowingly offended people.

Toys, of course you can use special in context. Like receiving a special gift, or saying that your partner had made an extra special effort.

But, like the S&B thread that was deleted, saying things like 'these shoes make me look special' ie they're big and clumpy like stereotypical correction shoes, or to describe someone's behaviour as special when it is a reference to behaviours of those with SNs is offensive.

I don't watch (much) tv, maybe that's why.

Read, understood the point trying to be made, and disagree.

And I've had plenty of coffee ta

My interpretation of the op is that she feels her dh thinks he is special, precious, the only person who has looked into a vasectomy. It's a shame that people are so quick to assume she meant it in a sn context.

Ignoring the title...

Op yABVU.

I think one reason that men find it a terrifying thought is that women, especially those who have had children, are used to people poking and prodding their bits (doesn't make it any better though). I know ŵith my DH it was the first time he had had to let anyone do anything like that and he was terrified.

But Thr main this is, he DID it. I cannot imagine belittling his worries. And it is an op, I disagree it's a major op but it is a life changing one, I can only liken to : I want to get my eyes lasered, I know lots of people who have had it done, but I am petrified because in some cases it can go wrong with awful consequences, and while if it worked it would be wonderful there are other options for me, so I won't go. Your DH is willing to. Don't be so hard on him!

If OP wants to talk about vasectomies, it might be worth starting a new thread in, say, Family Planning.

But of course there she will find several recent vasectomy threads. I strongly recommend she reads the posts about post-operative complications before consigning surgery to the "get over it" category.

I would not want, as OP suggests, to ban the MNetters who have posted about their complications banned from here or their posts deleted so they were not discoverable on google.

Has the OP returned?

I read the thread title as a slight on SN. Not cool.

Op is probably wondering WTF has gone on with her thread!

OP (if you are still hovering) - If you meant it in the SN context - really fucking bad and shame on you

If as I suspect you meant it as in "god he thinks hes so special" then YANBU about that BUT YABU to think he can just pick someone and get it done.