DH is being unreasonable [title edited by MNHQ]

[expatbrat]

To think that it's bloody ridiculous how much research is going into which Doctor to go to for a vasectomy and how little (none on his behalf) it was for me to go on birth control?
I mean REALLY... Get over it and get it snipped!
Happily married, 2 grown kids, no plans for any more (fingers crossed) Time of life I would like to not be screwing up my hormones and reach menopause in some kind of natural state. All he has to do is pick which Dr he would like to go with and in/out Bobs your uncle.
IABU to think Google is a bugger and should be banned from all Husbands on a quest for vasectomy horror stories?

Should add he really does agree/want to get it done.

[yamsareyammy]

I didnt see the original thread title, so cant comment on that.

Not sure op will be back either, but I suspect she will read this thread.

I think it is fine for him to do research, even extra research.
His body and all that.
And yes, you could do as I and others did and deal with the matter yourself, though I think I am right in saying that it is still a bigger issue for women than for men.

The question I really want to ask, if you come back again, is just how much research is he doing?
Looking it all up for days and nights for weeks?
Though, if he is definitely going to get it done, that is up to him really.

[yamsareyammy]

Thinking about it, expat might be in bed, being an expat and all that.

[expatbrat]

Good morning all,

It would appear I have managed to offend the majority of MN for which I apologise.

All children and adults are special. Some have different needs to others. Thats what makes us all unique individuals. To the people that were offended by "Special" apologies again. It would appear to mean something different to you and I.

If I had to change the title, without over analysing it, it would say... DH is being a "Precious Prima donna" Obviously I seem to have some kind of addiction to inverted commas that needs addressing and am probably going to get roasted by all the Ballerinas now :(

Moving on as it's still early here and only on my first coffee of the day..

Some background. We move Country approx every 1-2 years most of the time it's to third world Countries (work related) At the moment we are in a place with excellent medical care and will be for a further 6 months.
DH suggested it's the perfect time to get the procedure so we have researched together and found 3 Doctors all with excellent reviews and all he has to do is pick which one.
I am not forcing him or his crown jewels into surgery. I am not on the pill but have a coil that if he doesn't hurry up and pick which Doctor soon, will need to be replaced, just to have it removed again in a Country where sanitation and Dr qualifications are questionable.

This is turning into a novel and just haven't woken up enough to want to justify or explain anymore.

Apologies again :)

[MrsMook]

I'm sure it could get exasperating if he keeps going over and over it.

I don't get to compare stats of suprise pregnancies on the person who inserts my implant.
I don't get to pick the obsertiction on duty for my emergency CS/ stitching up my perineum (which apparently was a knotty mess according to the MW on home visit)

Yes, pick someone decent, but you can have too much detail and over thinking. Women succumb much more to the luck of the draw in managing reproductive health.

(side matter, I'm not too convinced on the move to publish data on Drs performance in the NHS)

[yamsareyammy]

Pick the nearest doctor?

[SingingSilver]

To be honest OP, it's to the benefit of both of you that he finds the best doc for the job. Maybe the more experienced the doctor, the less likely they are to leave the knot so loose that some of his swimmers get through. Or something.

But I can see how you'd be getting impatient. Having the coil fitted isn't exactly pleasant, the two procedures may be quite comparable actually.

If he keeps dragging his feet, ask how he feels about two years of celibacy...

[Ubermumsy]

OP, at the risk of making you feel beleaguered, you might want to rethink your use of the term "third world". Not so much because it's offensive (though I'm sure the citizens of those countries might be a little at it) but because it's a massively outdated concept.

But I know I am a nerdy pedant to even point it out

[expatbrat]

Nope, I'm fine thanks :)

[AuntieStella]

It takes several months to get the all clear after vasectomy - if you're lucky it can be as few as two, if unlucky then between 6-12 months. So to may need to renew your contraception even if he had an operation on Monday.

Yes, the experience of the surgeon is important - are they doing vasectomies regularly? Also, which method do they use? Definitely worth finding out the answers to those two beforehand.

[Futterby]

I'm only commenting on this because I'm desperate to know what the thread title was!!

[Futterby]

Never mind - figured it out

[Pagwatch]

Really? You can't work it out?
And it upset people so you think that someone is going to re-post it?

[Pagwatch]

X-posted. Thank god.
It was a bit worrying.

[Futterby]

Didn't read past half-way down the first page as I have no opinion on the topic and I didn't want anyone to repost it. Was simply making a comment.

[TheFuzz]

Just to keep on topic. Hopefully your DH will be one of the 90% that are OK after surgery.

Just be cautious, that if he is one of the 1 in 10, and you don't have access to good healthcare, or indeed the likes of the NHS, then things could get very expensive.

I've landed in the 10%, been in pain for 9 months now, and just about to go in for risky surgery to 'try' and aleviate my pain. I'm fortunate we have the NHS, and they have said that post vasectomy pain is a 'very difficult condition' to treat. Oh and don't worry about conraception if he falls into this category, you'll be lucky if he get's frisky again.

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

If you have known anyone that has had post-vasectomy problems as I have, you would not be so blasé about it. Yes, perhaps the problem rate is low at 10% but it can be very very painful and unpleasant and cause other knock on effects. In his shoes I would also be looking around and trying to find the best possible (if that means getting some statistics somehow on a highly rated surgeon). I think it's wrong of you to show so little empathy and support. It may only be minor surgery in the scheme of things, but it is still surgery and I don't think any procedure should be taken lightly. If someone is worried about their possible surgery, they have every right to be.

On the other topic, are Kellogg's going to rename one of their cereals?

[TheFuzz]

I wouldn't call 10% low. It's incredibly high given the success rates of other surgeries. It's a simple procedure, but the 'risks' are very much played down, and not mentioned by the NHS, until you've actually got the 'problem'.

My next surgery has to be done under a General, and there is just a 50
% success rate it will get rid of my pain. There is considerable risk it will make it worse, or I even lose a ball. This I am 'bricking' it about.

What I can't accept is that the NHS really don't tell you the risks properly. I hope my GP has learnt that they 'should' be telling folk of the risks.

[JerseySpud]

I didn't see the title but im starting to think that our use of the word special (ie when extremely hungover - 'i feel special' ie 'i feel especially bad today') is wrong O.o

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

TheFuzz - agreed, I meant more that people generally seem to regard 10% as low risk until they really look into things. Medical or otherwise (ie, 10% chance of rain, that's very low, I shan't take a brolly).

[TheFuzz]

JessicaBeatriceFletcher - any 'good news' story from the 'person(s)' you knew with PVPS.

The condition is really getting me down !

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

He's OK now but he was in pain for ages, swelling that wouldn't reduce, a lot of bruising. Turned out something hadn't been done quite right and was causing all sorts of knock-on effects and he ended up with a thrombosis, I think, real agony, leg swollen twice its size, going back in and a hospital stay two weeks if I recall and recuperating at home another three weeks. I seem to recall having read some horror stories on MN on similar threads too. Good news, he is totally and utterly fine now, but it was three months before he was out and about properly and totally free of any pain. His wife now regrets bitterly nagging (her term) him to get it done.

I've known some guys up and about next day with not a twinge. I've known others who've been laid up in a helluva lot of pain for over a week.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

You're very brave to go back for the op, Mr Fuzz and i wish you all the best.

I too resent the lack of information we had. Before the op, DH had to attend a counselling session where him changing his mind, wanting a reversal, or the op not working was discussed. However, 10-15% chance of long-term pain was not mentioned. Sigh.

[lougle]

exbrat, thanks for your post.

To anyone who thinks "Special" isn't offensive, I was once at a Theme park with my DD1. She had recently been diagnosed with SN. She had an 'exit pass' because of her SN.

She broke free and ran under a barrier for a ride. I was calling out 'Don't let that girl on!' and trying to get to her. A woman gave me a scornful look. I said 'Sorry, she's got SN.'

The woman said 'Yea, well, they're all special aren't they love '

I felt so humiliated that I couldn't stop DD1 breaking free, that it looked like I was a queue jumper, etc., and in the end we just left.

"Special" can cut like a knife.

[ChippingInGoAndyGo]

JessicaBF On the other topic, are Kellogg's going to rename one of their cereals?

Are you really that unable to comprehend the difference between Special K, special birthday, special day out and he's being 'special'?

Really?

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

Sigh. Irony is lost on some people, isn't it?

Have to say, pre-MN, I had never used the term 'special' in the derogatory context. Seriously, I hadn't. Maybe it's a regional thing but I asked others and work and they had never heard it used in THAT way.