To find attachment parents pretty blooming judgemental and smug

[rowtunda]

Or is it just me.

Raise your childhowever you want, different mums & different babies etc etc but at the moment I seem to be getting exponents of gentle parenting, attachment parenting, co sleeping, baby wearing ramming it all down my throat, sharing links on facebook to articles about how much they pity parents who use CC, etc etc

Mumsnet also seems to also be full of people who recommend these parenting styles i.e. sitting in a drak room for hours holding your
toddlers hand in a darkened room until they fall sleep, condemning people who use sleep training methods, want an evening sans child etc etc.

Maybe its just all the mums I know who are doing this 'parenting style' are a teensy but self righteous. I think it really annoys me because of the insinuation that I have failed my child (not responding to their needs/breaking the maternal bond etc) by
doing it another way.

I am prepared to be flamed - but does anyone else out their feel the same.

Fine if you want to be an attachment parent but please stop preaching on about it like you have reinvented the wheel!

yuk and ahhhhhh.

wish dd would talk to me, she just looks at me like what rock have you crawled out from and why must you speak?

Mine too Hully.

Just asked her if she was traumatised by cc and also the time mummy got quite drunk at school sports day and she just stared at me. Quite disconcerting.

I knew I should have got that bloody sling.

Mine says, What do you mean? Why would you even say that?

About EVERYTHING I say.

Mind you I did have a sling and it was a bit rubbish and once I leaned over when I was getting out of a taxi and dd slid out and banged her head.

So that might explain a lot.

Part of the fun is traumatising and embarrassing our children. Otherwise what was the point?

Lol dd said to me yesterday, 'are you going OUT in that?'

I thought I looked dam good but changed obviously.

Also ' your doing my head in'

And always 'OH MY GOD MOM' at the least tiny request to perhaps not using every bloody towel in the bathroom to assist in fake tanning.

I used to get a lot of eye-rolling and fgs

Now she's 18, she's almost human.

You, just biding time Cat. Have grown up lads who were right daft as teens but my dds!!! Something else.😄

Hah! Hully I thought there might be a ruck then. Sadly not. Sigh.

Now, can I just say the sling I have is rather marvellous? I can go to the bar, get a bottle of red, stick it in the sling and carry dd, wine and 6 glasses back to the table. Bet all you attachment-deniers wish you had one now don't you?!

Btw, I heard that parents who do CC eat the baby on the fourth night if it doesn't work. Honest.

😳😀

I have just remembered giving DS1 a black eye on the car door when he was in a back carry in the sling.

Slings should clearly be BANNED.

There was a time when I was That AP Parent, on holiday in Edinburgh when DS1 was about 5. He was in the sling in a back carry, fast asleep (ASD, crowded shopping area, meltdown followed by passing out, baby asleep in pram, seemed like a sensible idea but rather a lot of people went [judge]) His feet were by my knees.

What I don't get is, are there actually people out there who picked out a "parenting style" before the DC arrived and then stuck with it after the DC arrived?

Because I had all these wonderful fixed idea before DS arrived

Would put him in his own room straight away - no co-slept till 9 months

Wouldn't do CC - saved my sanity at 10 months

Wouldn't let him watch TV - Pingu is the only reason any laundry gets done in this house

Would never feed him crap from a pouch - Hello, Ellla's kitchen

etc

Because once he arrived he made it abundantly clear he was an individual and wasn't going to conform to any books I had read.

So I took the "muddling through with whatever works and lots of wine" style

And if I have another DC I won't assume that what worked for DS will work for them.

So I am always surprised people seem to be able to make decisions on how they will parent and then manage to apply them to a real life child. It was beyond me.

I can say that it was my biggest shock as a parent. I truly believed they were a blank sheet - I had not realised they had a mind of their own. I was very proud of DS at 24hrs old- the midwife said that 'all babies liked being swaddled'- he wasn't having it! He struggled and struggled and he got his arms out!
There is no harm in reading books as long as you wait and see if it is going to work with your DC.

It shocked me

He had a mind of his own from minute one and didn't want to fit into any of my naive ideas about how children should be raised

Mind you - I probably set the tone when I told the midwife I didn't give a stuff if it said I wanted to breathe my baby out on my birth plan whilst listening to whale song and having a relaxing shoulder massage with organic lentil oil, I wanted an fucking epidural NOW.

I agree Cat - I can't imagine any parent not changing views in some way after having had children, moreso after they have had more than one I would think!

books, parenting styles and other things may provide you with ideals but life doesn't work to ideals!

That is why I never had a birth plan- you haven't had a baby before so you can't possibly know what you want! You think you know what you might want, but you have to be ready to adapt. Same once the baby arrives.

YABU, in that to some extent I think APs have more of a right to be smug as it takes a lot more hardwork, effort to practice what you preach. Take for example CCing, it is done to end the sleep deprivation that the parents are experiencing, co sleeping, especially when they're older, is not exactly a great nights sleep but often parents do it for the sake of the children. Wearing a sling is for the child's benefit as opposed to a baby that has learnt to accept the bouncy chair, enabling their parents to get on with things without having a baby attached to them.

I don't think the opposite of AP style if you want to call it that is on a par with AP efforts and in that sense they are not equal choices IMO.

I am not saying this as someone who has practiced all these wholesome approaches. For instance, the one I find tricky is constantly providing wholesome snacks and limiting 'treats'.

Golden that is bollocks.

Anyone who wants to label themselves and be smug is a twat. Parenting is hard work whatever way you do it.

Exactly YouTheCat- if you want to do it and it suits you, and more importantly your child, then just get on with it.
The irritation comes from the idea that it is superior or harder work- parents don't get medals for effort!

I did CC for the sake of DS as well as myself and DH as he wasn't getting enough sleep. Sleep being hugely important for his development

You could equally (badly) argue (and I wouldn't as I don't judge how other people parent) that parents who don't CC a because they find the thought / practice too difficult (and it is) and would rather let their DC go without proper sleep than put themselves through a difficult few nights.

But you'd be a twunt to make such an argument, whichever "style" of parenting you subscribe to, wouldn't you?

Well done goldenbear, your post managed to sum up why people have issues with the nature of some AP parents because they think they are superior to others.

I do agree with cat that a good nights sleep is vital for children. For DS co-sleeping would guarantee an even worse than normal sleep

Ffs if doing stuff that people label as AP was harder I certainly wouldn't be doing it! I do things the way I do because it is easier. If I had a baby who didn't like it or it was disrupting my family I would do something else.

But I've never read a parenting book except the Rapley BLW one (I read the introduction and the page about foods not to be given to babies then wondered how she'd spin it out to a whole book!) so being a martyr about this stuff has passed me by because I haven't read that bit I only found out I do AP-typical stuff from reading it on here!

Anyone who deliberately makes parenting harder for themselves without considerable and actual benefits for either parent or child is bonkers. Why would you make it harder? It's hard enough already!

Are you joking, goldenbear? I fell into AP parenting out of sheer laziness. Keeping the baby in bed? Easier than trying to get him to fall asleep on his own. Extended breastfeeding? An easy way to calm down a frustrated toddler.

If I had a better, less self-centred parenting approach then my DC would definitely be out of my bed and weaned off my breast by now.

Parenting is all about what works for your DC and you. (shrug)

Oops, x-posted with k8middleton!