To find attachment parents pretty blooming judgemental and smug

[rowtunda]

Or is it just me.

Raise your childhowever you want, different mums & different babies etc etc but at the moment I seem to be getting exponents of gentle parenting, attachment parenting, co sleeping, baby wearing ramming it all down my throat, sharing links on facebook to articles about how much they pity parents who use CC, etc etc

Mumsnet also seems to also be full of people who recommend these parenting styles i.e. sitting in a drak room for hours holding your
toddlers hand in a darkened room until they fall sleep, condemning people who use sleep training methods, want an evening sans child etc etc.

Maybe its just all the mums I know who are doing this 'parenting style' are a teensy but self righteous. I think it really annoys me because of the insinuation that I have failed my child (not responding to their needs/breaking the maternal bond etc) by
doing it another way.

I am prepared to be flamed - but does anyone else out their feel the same.

Fine if you want to be an attachment parent but please stop preaching on about it like you have reinvented the wheel!

I shudder more at Gina Ford to be honest.

I think she is brutal

and only to be used when all other fair and reasonable means have been exhausted.

Reading a book, treating a baby or child like a problem that needs to be solved and totally controlled and subordinated - makes me want to puke.

And I am not smug tho my children are of course fabulous and gorgeous hop will testify to that! But I have just muddled along and found things that work for us, each baby has def taught me new tricks! They are all different and parenting techniques adjust to suit the child and family dynamics.

I have one of the new Firespiral wraps on preorder, and I have a Kokadi Sternen something or other coming a for sale board. Don't know if I'll keep both though.

Good luck with the party. Am crap aunt as per usual - still hunting for a present!

Oh, and yes, all of 5mads bunch are well adjusted and lovely!

You will have more slings than me I need you to teach me how to back carry dd!!

Tula toddler carrier looks fab. If only I had a spare hundred quid.... Are you honestly telling me your back doesn't hurt? I have a backpack for my 18 month old bit she's too heavy for me now

Children have been managing to build health attachments for years without the need to turn it into a 'parenting style'.

It is just an over reaction to years of research that cites the damage that can be caused by poor attachment. We are a load of neurotics basically and are neurosis can make loads of writers and course leaders loads of money. It's a passing bandwagon.

Children are resilient and can actually cope if we get it a littl bit wrong sometimes. They need a handful of fundamental needs to be met. If people have got nothing better to do than turn being a parent into a neurosis masking project then leave them too it. Each to their own. Everyone is different.

'non-attachment parents? -WTF??? All parents are attachment parents unless they are in a state of ongoing crisis, neglectful willfully or otherwise state or TOTALLY absent. Event then other people like grandparents are able to meet a child's attachment needs.

rowtunda I'm bored of this guff too! Ignore them!

Yep, honestly! It spreads the weight across the waist belt and over your shoulders so it's really comfortable. If you have a local sling meet then I'd go and see if they do hires. You can get postal hires too ( I think Slumberoo do them?) but it's good to get someone to show you how to do it/offer advice.

As a few posters have mentioned already, it's the labelling that's annoying. Parenting is parenting, we all want the best for our children and we use the methods that suit us best, cherry picking good (or suited to the individual) methods as we go.

Several new parents these days are deciding 'how they're going to parent' before the baby's been born and that's what annoys the crap out of me.

The ante natal preachers that head tilt at me at work when they ask a question about something I did (eg did I use disposable/terry nappies) and then proceed to tell me why I was wrong to do whatever and the potential harm I have inflicted etc etc etc.

Gina is fab,I heart Gina!

How old is your bub, OP? I was furiously anti-AP when my son was small and I went back to work too soon. We needed the money and motherhood scared me. Fast forward into the toddler years and I have the balance better.

Live and let live, I say. If people want to breastfeed until their kids are in school, carry their babies around and co-sleep, it's their look out. And if some of them go all evangelist on you, just smile and nod. That shows that they are insecure in their parenting. Safety in numbers, innit. If you are secure in your parenting, you don't mind so much how other people do it (bar violence and abuse).

The way to find security is not by reading shit but by doing it.

Thanks hop! Might give it a shot.

I am not a fan of parenting books generally but I found the baby whisperer book a sanity saver for getting dd2 to sleep and into a routine.

I find the thought of following any set of parenting rules to the detriment of my own preference and instinct really unsettling.

agree cat - heard people say they have follwed gina to the letter - shudder and also baby whisperer.

give it a go first, if you have problems, then read the books.

i hate the idea of people reading the books then coming down like a ton of bricks on a poor defenceless little tiny buba.

then labelling it.

Hmm but my preference wold be to let the kids have as much screen time as they want- no nagging from them and I get to MN.Sadly that wouldn't be in their best interests though.

Same goes for a shed load of other parenting choices.

" poor defenceless little bubba" - vom and pmsl.

I didn't know some attachment parents see buggies as Satan's wheelbarrow! That's mental.

"Parenting choices" = preference.

They all call each other 'mama' too. It's odd.

You parent the child(ren) that you've got. You can't crowbar an unwilling baby into a Ginaesque routine, and you can't get a child like my DS to co-sleep. I did quite like the baby whisperer though, as I felt a bit adrift when I had DS and it gave me some ideas of how to build my days and also helped me learn about his different cries and cues.

Frida Satans wheelbarrow. That's hilarious...

Generally speaking, I have found mothers who practice attachment parenting to be sensitive, caring parents, busy getting on with their own experience of motherhood. So its hard to understand the anger directed at them by OP here; it seems a rather sour even sneery attitude to take.

I have noticed that AP can be targets for criticism by family or friends who find any kind of sensitivity towards babies objectionable, or who feel inadequate or defensive about their own choices.

It is all shit. I breastfed all 3 to varying ages, from 12 months to 24 months. Co-slept with a couple. Used slings, prams, rucksacks, and pushchairs as needed and as appropriate with each of the 3. Had one who slept on their front. One potty trained at 18 months, one at 3.

All of this depended on the individual child and how my life was at the time.

Went back to work at various stages between 29 weeks and 3 years.

All 3 are different now, at 6, 9 and 13. Any connection? Not a one

When I had Dd she wasn't a sleeper, took 'cluster feeding' to the next level (all day) and wouldn't be put down. I bf-ed constantly, borrowed a sling and co-slept. It was the only approach that worked! Then I discovered that you could call this AP, and was relieved to learn that 'winging it gently' had a name, books to read and research you could quote to shut the ILS up. (They all back off when I pretend to go 'academic' on them.)

Then we had Ds and pretty much proceeded as though dd's approach was normal. They're 10 and 6 now and lovely kids. I suppose this may make me slightly smug, but I think I've always had 'slight smugness' as a character trait. I don't think I'm judgemental with it. Certainly we met with judgement, but you always will, won't you, however you try and get through those early days?

Anyway, yabu to suggest I am judgemental and smug, but yanbu to get your worries off your chest.

I think a lot of the problem is in the terminology. It's divisive and critical. If you're not an "attached" parent presumably you're detached. If you don't parent your child "unconditionally" presumably your love is conditional. If you don't baby led wean presumably you're shoving it in their mouths against their will. The terms are smug and unhelpful, and seem almost designed to annoy.

Another one who thinks that there are smug, annoying parents and 'just get on with it' parents and actually that is all they have in common. There are plenty of attachment parents who are doing it because it's the way they arrived at through trial and error, and non attachment parents who are evangelical about their approach, so to assume that one style or the other attracts more arseholes than the other is a mistake.

You'll find smug people everywhere in life. Among those, some people are smug about parenting, but smugness isn't just confined to one particular way of doing things, it can come from many directions. Some people are just smug!