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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say why not use IVF to choose the sex of a baby?

422 replies

Poppycattlepetal · 03/07/2013 06:26

If people could save up for the IVF required, just don't see who else's business is it if they have a boy or a girl baby, really?

It seems U that we are not legally allowed to try for this in Britain. Clearly, we'd not all choose boys. See this mother of five sons in the Indy today: www.independent.co.uk/news/science/ban-on-sex-selection-of-ivf-embryos-is-not-justified-says-ethicist-8683940.html

It is allowed in US to do this, and you don't hear of a population imbalance over there. Just what seems like an incannily high proportion of celebrities who have twins, one of each!

I do get the issues about things being very different in other countries where there can be a cultural pressure to have sons of course. And i'm only talking about methods used before pregnancy begins. And obviously this would have to be genuinely freely chosen. Just feel that as the majority in the UK doesn't share any particular preference, why not let the people who do really mind, have the choice?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 04/07/2013 19:48

chocolate

What is there to be sympathetic about?

Unless it's gender selection to avoid a genetic issue it is completely unnecessary.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 04/07/2013 19:51

exotic - definitely no expectations here from the NHS Wink

And yet another blanket sweeping statement from yourself that rich people are misguided Hmm...don't most people who need IVF have to pay themselves too becasue of ridiculous waiting times and loopholes???

GoodTouchBadTouch · 04/07/2013 19:53

Puke at the poem. I think the status quo is fine - you can get it done in Cyprus, for less than 10k, which most people can find surely if it means that much to you.

The types of people who worry so much about other people unborn babies should consider that you can get a gender scan from 12 weeks and abort.. which is more offensive to you? Abortion for gender reasons or determining gender before conception?

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/07/2013 19:54

GoodTouch

They are both equally offensive to me personally.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 04/07/2013 19:57

A sympathetic understanding that there are some families (husband & wife in this household) that have a very real desire for a daughter [for the avoidance of another 100 posts about "what is your daughter is a tomboy?, "what if your daughter doesn't want to shop?", "what if your daughter doesn't go to university?"...that has already been covered earlier!].

The technology exists. Some countries have a sympathetic stance that enable famillies to use this technology. And I am grateful that they do.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/07/2013 20:00

chocolate

People have "very real" desires for a lot of things. Just because you want it doesn't mean you should have it.

The technology for cloning exists,it's been done with animals. People are next. Is it a good thing? Should it be done merely because the technology exists?

exoticfruits · 04/07/2013 20:01

So if it is not on NHS it is only the rich who can buy a child of their choice- and this is OK for society? Hmm
Luckily I have every faith that this Brave New World will never happen.

exoticfruits · 04/07/2013 20:03

Why have people got this entitled view that if they want something and have enough money they should get it?
I am thankful money doesn't buy you the child of your choice. They are not for sale.

bebemad · 04/07/2013 20:22

a tricky one in a perfect world we could all have what we want but we do not live in a perfect world, I understand that people would like/prefer a certain gender and thats fine I think PGD is a hard choice to make just for gender selection i think that there are so many risks involved in the process from the ICSI to the embryo testing.
I am a carrier of a genetic condition which means I am able to have PGD but there is something that I just can't get past with the PGD procedure (even though I have a wonderful dr who has done it thousands of times) maybe eventually i will have to just do it but for now I do not feel comfortable. I wonder if people who think of using PGD really understand the full range of risks, and its not always 100% accurate and doing it will not guarantee the 'right' gender. I just want a healthy baby :)

GoodTouchBadTouch · 04/07/2013 20:37

exotic - thats how it is at the moment. Anyone with the money can do PGD. It would be less I suppose if the cost of travel was removed though

Its legal in a few European countries

JackieTheFart · 04/07/2013 20:44

I'm not sure what I feel about it.

DH have three boys, he has a son with his first wife. She now has two other boys as well.

Would I like another baby, if we could afford it and had the room? Absolutely.
Would I like a girl? Absolutely.
Would I pay to have gender selection? Don't know. I'm not that bothered I don't think.

I would like a girl, but I don't feel like it would 'complete' me in any way. I wouldn't rule it out completely if we won the lottery. I don't think.

I do know a woman who has a boy and a girl. When her girl was born, she did confess that had she been another boy, she would probably want to have another baby.

99problems · 04/07/2013 21:15

Hmm interesting thread. DP and I need IVF to conceive (he has a 0 sperm count), we were talking recently and got onto this precise subject, would there be any harm specifying we would like a specific gender as we will be going through this treatment anyway?

I certainly would never consider gender selection if we didn't need IVF anyway - that seems like an awful lot of effort and I really would question why someone would go to such extremes in order to have a certain gender. IVF is a gruelling process and not something I am looking forward to in the least. However there are a lot of grey areas - like ours - if we are having IVF anyway, most likely abroad as it is more affordable - would it be ethical...

Personally I would prefer a boy, I have a ds from a previous relationship and I think, especially with the large age-gap, there is a higher chance of my ds having something in common with a brother than sister. It's not something I would have even considered had we not needed the treatment in the first place.

exoticfruits · 04/07/2013 22:25

I would love people to make their list of I want a girl because...........
I expect it would be all about me, me, me and I want and if I pay why can't I have it.
I would be very unimpressed with my parents if they had gone abroad to make sure I was a girl-it would definitely alter our relationship as I think the love should be unconditional and yet theirs was so conditional they had pay and go abroad to get me. I would think-'right I might be a girl but I'm certainly not going to let you think you have bought the girl you want'-a prime cause of rebellion I would have thought.
If it is so important there are lots of older children who need adoptive families.

NayFindus · 04/07/2013 22:28

all parents seeking sex selection will want to rigidly enforce their own ideas of appropriate gender-expression on to the unfortunate sex-selected child

Don't know if this refers to my post Poppy but that's not what I meant. The action in itself of gender selection to me would mean 'I am good enough because I am female. I would not have been good enough if I were a male.' Or else you wouldn't select the gender would you? The parents would in no way have to rigidly enforce anything.

exoticfruits · 04/07/2013 22:34

What you read on MN depends on the thread. On here people obviously think there is a difference between girls and boys. If I mention a difference on other threads I am told there is no difference. I am not even allowed to say that boys wrestle and girls don't! I am certainly never allowed to say that boys need different treatment.

MrButtercat · 04/07/2013 22:36

Nope Exotic I wanted a girl and a boy for the experience and both are great.I'm extremely blessed.Wouldn't have wanted to miss out on either.

MrButtercat · 04/07/2013 22:38

And Exotic it's not harming anybody to get both so therefor any objection is a non issue.

ICBINEG · 04/07/2013 22:40

So come on then people - meet the challenge!

List a reason (excluding medical/genetic) that you would prefer a baby of one gender to the other that doesn't make recourse to sexism or gender stereotyping?

Lets hear some examples!

5madthings · 04/07/2013 22:43

What experience, what so different about parenting a boy or a girl?

MrButtercat · 04/07/2013 22:44

Already have.

Because I wanted the experience of raising both- it's fab!Didn't want to miss out on either.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/07/2013 22:46

MrButtercat

But your experience of raising two children of the same gender would be "fab" as well...because children are individuals with personalities not solely defined by gender...

ICBINEG · 04/07/2013 22:47

That doesn't answer the question butter.

Why do you think there are two different experiences to be had? Or more importantly why do you think a boy and a girl are more substantially different than one boy and another or one girl and another?

You have given a reason that would apply to raising two children not specifically two children of different gender.

Do try again...

MrButtercat · 04/07/2013 22:47

I was a girl not a boy and sorry girls differ as much as different boys differ.You can argue all you like that all kids are identical cardboard cut outs but they're not

5madthings · 04/07/2013 22:47

What do you miss out on if you only have one gender?

Until two years ago I only had boys, i wasmt missing out on anything! I now have five, the fifth happens to be a girl, it hasnt changed my experience of parenting.

5madthings · 04/07/2013 22:48

All children are different yes, because they are individuals, not because of their gender.