To have uprooted this playgroups usual, normal habits? Was this woman BU?

[OHforDUCKScake]

Theres a very popular play group in my small town, the waiting list is a year long. A few weeks ago I got the call to say a space had come up for my child.
I thanked her an asked if there was much food there, because if there is then we wouldnt be able to come but its not a problem. (Genuinely).

My son is anaphylactic to several foods.

The lady has been lovely, said they only give out milk free biscuits and dont serve milke to the children and she will talk to the other parents and see if they mind asking their children to stop bringing food in because and allergic child is starting.

My stomach is churning in memory of this conversation.

I very much appreciate her help and support in integrating my son, but was worried it would go down like a lead ballon with the other parents.

The lady told me that most were more than happy. But there were one or two. One had a 2 year old who walked round with a bottle in the side of her mouth and it got dropped and kicked around a lot.

Anyway, today was a taster to see how it went in preperation for it starting in september as it ends soon.

The lady had sent rounf a letter to the parents too. This also made me feel uncomfortable but the lady had gone out of her way to help me so I didnt feel as though I could look a gift horse in the mouth and not go. Plus, it would mean a lot to my son.

We got there and everyone was lovely, so welcoming.

Then I went into the garden and spotted someone I recognised. After a few minutes a woman next to me had a child (who I was later told was 3yo in case that makes a difference) from which she yanked a bag of crisps from. The child started screeching, the mothers reply was this

"NO! WE cant have food here any more, APPARENTLY. NO I told you, we are never allowed food here again! Oh for God sake, we are going to have to leave, come on! We have to go, we cant come back here again, this is never going to work. She hasnt had food since 6am. She's hungry and she isnt allowed to eat!"

This wonderful speach was shouted for effect.

I was already nervous about the reception so probably being over sensitive but I was so damn embarassed I burst in to tears. Not that I let her bloody see it.

The thing is, next week is the last week and her child doesnt come back in September. (The children go until the term after they are 3)
So what was her outburts for? What was the need? Even if she thought IWABU couldnt she just bite her tongue and hate me for 2 hours in her whole life?

The lady with the 2 year old also let her child continue to let her toddler walk around with the bottle, these two are friends.

Theres a baby section where babies are bottle fed, we simple avoid that area.

Please can I ask, if you feel like it would erk you or you think the shouty woman had a point, can you elaborate on it? Because I dont understand her rudeness.

[ShadeofViolet]

Is this a toddler group or a playgroup?

It seems very odd for children to be walking round with food at playgroup. At ours they have snack at 10.30 but no one brings their own food for the morning session.

[BeetleBugBaby]

How exactly is it your fault her DD hadn't eaten since 6am? She was being a cow.

[piprabbit]

Shouty woman was being unreasonable. It wasn't your fault that she hadn't fed her child since 6am.

[Justforlaughs]

I don't understand her rudeness, neither do I understand why she hadn't fed her DC before then. I hope it goes well for you and your DC.

[OHforDUCKScake]

I need to add, they have snack time when they all sit in a circle. This woman and her child were the only ones would didnt join in.

[OHforDUCKScake]

What is the difference between a toddler group and a play group?

[cornyblend37]

The woman who runs it is probably delighted that they aren't coming back.

[ArbitraryUsername]

I don't see how she thought she would get sympathy because her child hadn't eaten since 6am and wasn't allowed crisps at playgroup hours later. Normal people would feed a hungry child before playgroup.

Needless to say, she didn't have a point.

Honestly, don't worry about it. It's much better to not have the children trailing food all round a playgroup anyway, whether there are allergy issues or not.

The woman who runs the playgroup could have handled it better. Rather than attributing the change to your son starting, she could just have explained a change of playgroup policy so that food would only be available during the snack time at playgroup and would be provided. There are educational reasons for making a change of this sort anyway (it socialises children into eating communally; it prepares them for nursery where they won't be allowed walk around with a bottle/eat crisps at will, etc).

[anklebitersmum]

She was clearly one of those Mothers, who are best avoided at all costs anyway.

I would ignore ignore ignore her little episode, her and her sidekick and focus on you and your biter enjoying the opportunity.

Good luck

[ArbitraryUsername]

And, it also keeps the toys cleaner.

[landofsoapandglory]

I would have told shouty woman to shut up and grow up!

Ignore her. It must be really hard for you and your DS but I hope you both settle well and have a good time there.

[Lovelygoldboots]

Playgroups are usually charities, run by parent commitees and are ofsted registered. Toddler groups are usually where parents attend with their children. Yanbu, our playgroup had a dedicated snack time and any children with allergys were on the notice board. There was no need to tell all the parents. The staff are responsible for the childs safety.

[BarbarianMum]

It is usual to have snack time at Playgroup sessions that go on for more than an hour ime. So perhaps it would be wise to work with leaders to agree snacks that can be provided rather than go for a total ban - much safer cause then people are less likely to slip things to their toddlers if they know a pre-arranged snack is coming up.

I'm guessing by your post that milk is one of the things your lo is anaphylactic to? That is really, really hard when they are this little - and the damn stuff is in tea and coffee too. It really does get easier as they get older.

Long sleeves are a good protection if he's contact allergic.

As for the other woman don't even give it headspace. You are going to need hide like a rhino to get through the next few years and she will not be the last person to feel that your child's life is worth considerably less than her convenience.

[ItsintheBag]

YANBU she is an idiot.

FGS we have met at least one child at every level from playgroup to school who has a terrible nut allergy.It's no big deal for the other parents unless they are intolerant like that mother.
She should be thankful she doesn't have to deal with that sort of allergy.I can't imagine the stress of worrying about coming in to contact with nuts etc.

[ShadeofViolet]

Toddler group - parents stay
Playgroup - another word for preschool, playschool etc. Parents dont stay.

[PrincessScrumpy]

Yanbu - I run a play group and this hasn't come up so far but I know the group would support you and your child as it's that kind of group. Dd1 has a child in reception who is allergic to eggs and we had a letter as DC have packed lunches. I didn't take offence at all. Surely DC at the group can snack on fruit.... I can't stand seeing dc wondering around with bottles so my judgey pants would be on I'm afraid. Anyway she's wrong. I hope you find the groupimproves, or a better one

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

She sounds horrific, don't take it to heart. People can be awful, there was a little boy with leukaemia at my DDs preschool and people used to moan about not being able to send their ill kids in! They shouldn't have anyway, people can be very thoughtless

[QueenofallIsee]

She is a twat, you are not - ignore the daft bint and concentrate on how great the group will be for your son who did not ASK to be allergic and only has you to man up and stand in his corner

[BackforGood]

Have to agree with everyone else. The woman was not only being very rude, I can't understand why her dc was allowed to eat at 6am, then nothing, then a bag of crisps ?..... now, if we all want to get judgy, it's not you anyone would be hoiking their pants up at

Regardless of allergies, I think it's really weird that this has been the way things have been happening up to now, tbh - I'd have thought a child getting a bag of crisps in front of all the others who haven't was hardly conducive to a great toddler group anyway - I've always experienced a 'all sit together, lets not pass round the biscuits or fruit or breadsticks or toast or whatever the snack of choice is, rather than random children roaming with a bag of crisps, no doubt dropping them all over the place and getting toys and books all greasy.
Anyway, she won't be there next year so you'll be fine.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Thanks, I thought there would be mixed responses, there usually is when it comes to allergies.

I appreciate the replies, I would usually cry (!) but its been a funny few months and I was anxious about the start of this group.

Im not sure its a play group or toddler group (I thought that was the same thing) its a group for toddlers to go and play with the parents present. Its 2 hours long.

[OHforDUCKScake]

*wouldnt usually cry

[5madthings]

The woman was weird and incredibly rude.

At all parent and toddler groups I go to there is a specific snack time where children sit down at a table and they check re allergies.

letting a toddler wander round with an bottle in their mouth all the time is crap for their teeth, had I been really pissed off I may have made a pa comment about that

Its a pita the woman made the changes in reference to you coming, they could have been established as new rules but they do need to know to understand the seriousness of the issue?

Keep going and ignore, ignore ignore.

[5madthings]

Its a toddler group, I playgroup is where you leave your child, or a preschool again where you leave your child.

But this is a parent and toddler group where you stay.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Ah see I call that a nursery.