To have uprooted this playgroups usual, normal habits? Was this woman BU?

[OHforDUCKScake]

Theres a very popular play group in my small town, the waiting list is a year long. A few weeks ago I got the call to say a space had come up for my child.
I thanked her an asked if there was much food there, because if there is then we wouldnt be able to come but its not a problem. (Genuinely).

My son is anaphylactic to several foods.

The lady has been lovely, said they only give out milk free biscuits and dont serve milke to the children and she will talk to the other parents and see if they mind asking their children to stop bringing food in because and allergic child is starting.

My stomach is churning in memory of this conversation.

I very much appreciate her help and support in integrating my son, but was worried it would go down like a lead ballon with the other parents.

The lady told me that most were more than happy. But there were one or two. One had a 2 year old who walked round with a bottle in the side of her mouth and it got dropped and kicked around a lot.

Anyway, today was a taster to see how it went in preperation for it starting in september as it ends soon.

The lady had sent rounf a letter to the parents too. This also made me feel uncomfortable but the lady had gone out of her way to help me so I didnt feel as though I could look a gift horse in the mouth and not go. Plus, it would mean a lot to my son.

We got there and everyone was lovely, so welcoming.

Then I went into the garden and spotted someone I recognised. After a few minutes a woman next to me had a child (who I was later told was 3yo in case that makes a difference) from which she yanked a bag of crisps from. The child started screeching, the mothers reply was this

"NO! WE cant have food here any more, APPARENTLY. NO I told you, we are never allowed food here again! Oh for God sake, we are going to have to leave, come on! We have to go, we cant come back here again, this is never going to work. She hasnt had food since 6am. She's hungry and she isnt allowed to eat!"

This wonderful speach was shouted for effect.

I was already nervous about the reception so probably being over sensitive but I was so damn embarassed I burst in to tears. Not that I let her bloody see it.

The thing is, next week is the last week and her child doesnt come back in September. (The children go until the term after they are 3)
So what was her outburts for? What was the need? Even if she thought IWABU couldnt she just bite her tongue and hate me for 2 hours in her whole life?

The lady with the 2 year old also let her child continue to let her toddler walk around with the bottle, these two are friends.

Theres a baby section where babies are bottle fed, we simple avoid that area.

Please can I ask, if you feel like it would erk you or you think the shouty woman had a point, can you elaborate on it? Because I dont understand her rudeness.

[LingDiLong]

YANBU - the woman was clearly a twat. And if your child's allergies hadn't given her something to rant and bitch about something else would - she sounds like the type who will always find something to kick off about.

FWIW, I'd love to go to a playgroup where snacks are banned (apart from a proper, organised snack time) - I bloody hate it when other parents start cracking open the crisps and fruit shoots and I end up having to constantly distract and stop the kids who are with me from mithering for crisps too. I mean, why bring food when you know food will be provided and then let your child walk around covering everything in greasy fingerprints and crumbs. I go to one where we sing and then have a snack, every time we go one mother lets her little darling walk over to the yogurts put on the side whilst we sing and start systematically work his way through 3 or 4 of them. Meanwhile my kids who were happily joining in the singing start nagging for food too. Argh!

Sorry OP, I'll get down from the soapbox now.

[Yonirubbishnamesleft]

We are not allowed to bring our own snacks full stop in case there is a child with allergies. Also, they like to keep food mess in the one area. The organisers sort out suitable snacks that they have at circle time. Works fine, no grumbles.

The babies do obviously have bottle/boob. Oh and milk in our teas.

[CrapBag]

YANBU.

The leader has done a great job of informing people and trying to make your DC feel included. If a couple of people are put out, then they don't have to go.

She was rude and I seriously doubt she had not fed her child from 6am. Tosser (woman, not you OP).

[TeWiSavesTheDay]

I know what you mean fos!

[Sirzy]

Some people are just ignornant. I am sure her child could cope a few hours without food.

My sister has a severe peanut allergy which can be triggered by being in the same room as peanuts. As a result she has a medical note to show airlines (and always tells them in advance) meaning they don't sell nuts on flights she is on. Last time I flew with her when they announced this over the tannoy a woman sat behind us started complaining how unfair it was that she wasn't allowed to buy nuts as she had been looking forward to them all day, I had to resist turning around and explaining the effect her eating nuts could have had.

[Hissy]

Could you perhaps build some bridges by baking something safe that everyone'd enjoy?

Ignore that woman, she engineered that situation, and won't be there next term anyway.

[foslady]

I think most of the mums would be relieved actually - I wouldn't have wanted my dd at 2 years old asking me why she couldn't have crisps at 10:30 in the morning like the other child had!

[MerylStrop]

YANBU to want your child to go to playgroup and to expect the environment to be safe

No harm is done, crisp-feeder was probably loving the chance to have a tantrum. If there are snacks provided there is no need for kids to bring their own. It's not hygienic to have toddlers walking around with junk food anyway. Most of the playgroups I've ever been too discouraged or barred eating apart from snacktime, at the table.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Well, twice my weight, slight exaggeration there.

[OHforDUCKScake]

Apparently she was ranting about having a friend with a child with allergies so she 'knows what its like' but I didnt hear her say that.

I have no idea if she knew the difference between allergies and intolerances, it might be she knows someone whos child has lactose intolerance and cant have milk.

But no way am I going to try and correct her, Im rarely intimidated by people in RL but this woman was loud and boisterous and had to be heard in every room she entered. She was about a foot taller and 4 times my weight, she was absolutely covered in tattoos and had partially shaved head.

I mean, I dont judge a book by its cover, Ive had dreads and piercings and I used to hate being judged for that, but her whole persona was intimidating.

I actually havent felt like that since I was at school.

And yes, I know I need a thicker skin, I agree.

[LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning]

She's a twat, seriously don't sweat it

[QuintessentialOldDear]

So let me get this straight. This woman was ranting that her 3 year old had not eaten since 6 am, and she was starving, and she could not have her crisps ?????




What a terrible woman.

[ICBINEG]

I am seconding the safe snack list...

There are lots of safe common snacks for a toddler allergic to milk, eggs and nuts (I am sure the OP will be able to reel them off!) So why not provide a list so people can switch brands and still bring something?

[Drywhiteplease]

You're not being unreasonable at all.....it's just a little bit trickier to manage at a toddler group where the parents stay because it relies on other parents being sensitive and cooperative, which most normal people do.
I worked in pre schools and attended a toddler group with both my children.
This woman is a nasty piece of work.....it will be better when she's not there.
At a pre school it's so much easier to control. Over the years that I worked in one we had lots of children with allergies . All staff were epipen trained, we had a procedure in place should a child accidentally go into shock. We even had to source gluten free play dough, glue, biscuits,ice cream when we made milkshakes for a little girl who had a severe gluten intolerance . Most pre schools will be obliging I'm sure. Don't let this woman's extremely rude attitude make you even more apprehensive than you are about your child.

[CombineBananaFister]

And can't imagine how it must be day to day trying to avoid stuff like that - I'd be terrified some people are so selfish

[CombineBananaFister]

Although i do think she was being a passive aggressive tosser and there was no need to be shouty, i can see how things like this escalate and cause friction.

You have a playgroup that has been run a certain way for a number of years and mums have chosen it because it's good and fits in with their childs needs and now it has to be changed for 1 person.

Any decent human being would acknowledge your Ds' allergy (Not intolerance) and accommodate the change but some may decide it will make the playgroup not right for them anymore if they can't give their kids snacks and they'll resent it.

Obviously having a whingey toddler because they can't have a snack is not on par with an anaphalytic allergy. Does she know that? the difference between intolerance and allergy and what it will do to your Ds? Think it could have been handled without mentioning your Ds and just done as a blanket policy

[OHforDUCKScake]

The problem is, whilst his anaphylaxis is only milk eggs and nuts (-
And raw potato but that tends to be less of an issue!) most people will think quite literally. They wont bring milk eggs or nuts (well not all, that was clear) and not consider all the millions of foods that contain milk eggs and/or nuts.

The person who ran it kept saying that food wasnt actually 'allowed' anyway but they'd got into the habit over time.

solid I did, we had snack time he had his own safe biscuit they had wheat biscuits, they all had a drink and every one was happy.

Except the woman who made her feelings known, she sat out alone with her daughter.

[WillowKnicks]

We went on holiday a couple of years ago & they announced on the plane, there was a child with a peanut allergy & therefore, no nut based snacks would be served during the flight. My DH had a grumble to me that he enjoyed some nuts with his inflight drink blah blah...anyway, he managed to survive the flight without some nuts

As chance would have it, we ended up becoming very friendly with the family of the child with the allergy & they told us how it affects their life on a day to day basis & their absolute terror of her coming into contact with nuts. Suffice to say, DH felt very ashamed & we just felt EXTREMELY grateful that our children weren't affected in such a way...the woman should just thank her lucky stars that the only affliction her DD has, is having a piss poor mother, who doesn't feed her properly & is prone to toddler like tantrums [grins]

YANBU!!!

[SolidGoldBrass]

She was being rude. However, I do think it might be an idea to make a list of what foods are safe and appropriate for snacktimes: most toddler groups have a snacktime and usually it's fruit/biscuits and it shouldn't be that difficult to accommodate allergies.

[Hissy]

Why don't you tell the group what your child CAN eat? Put a more positive side on it, so they know what isn't an issue?

Otherwise ignore the rude cow.

[cansu]

The other mum was very unreasonable to shout and react in this way. I was however wondering which foods your ds is allergic to and whether a total food ban is necessary? Does he have to touch the food or is the smell enough to cause a reaction? Could it be worked out so that food is only consumed in a set aside area?

[cakebar]

YANBU, they were. Don't feel arkward, the 2 toddler groups I go to ask you not to take in your own food, one because of allergies, one because it can cause other children to play up. It is quite normal and no one minds.

[LesAnimaux]

Well, the other mother was a rude cow.

I would phone the leader and say you really enjoyed the session, and you will definitely be back in September, but something has come up and you won;t be able to make it next week.....and therefore avoid vile cow shouty mum.

[5madthings]

See I don't find it annoying, I just think it common sense and am grateful that my children don't have allergies (I do have allergies) and making allowances for a couple of hours once a week really is not a problem.

The child could gave milk if they sat in a specific area the op said, just not wander around with food/milk. Which most toddler groups don't let you do anyway.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

It's a bit more annoying if your child has an anaphylaxtic reaction