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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Say No Thanks To This...

61 replies

FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 15:09

Have just received email from a class parent asking us for cash to buy 2 girls in DDs class a leaving present...
One of the kids is Alpha Mothers and head of mummy clique DD.
It's their choice to leave, so why the actual fuck are we having to buy a present???
Email says its "optional" to join in collection. We all know what optional means in practice when it comes to school politics....
Have just had to shell out £10 for collection for teachers. Another demnding email. Another passive aggressive "optional" ...

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 02/07/2013 15:11

I don't understand who the present is for but if you don't want to contribute, don't.

Onesleeptillwembley · 02/07/2013 15:11

Im guessing the mum will be gone when the daughter goes? Just ignore and be grateful.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 02/07/2013 15:13

I hope you're not teaching your children to roll over and accept every ridiculous and P/A demand made of them throughout their lives? No? Good. Then carry on the good work by completely ignoring this one.

YellowDinosaur · 02/07/2013 15:14

I'd either ignore, our if you think they'll chase you if politely reply saying something along the lines of 'in this situation I'd never normally give a leaving present and as things are a bit tight this month you're sadly not able to contribute. But you wish them all the very best'

Original poster
FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 15:15

I should add that Alpha Mum sent us a class email "announcing" her DD was leaving. And telling is not to forget them when it comes to birthday parties, school Ball etc...[eye roll]

OP posts:
Yama · 02/07/2013 15:17

Why do these people have all the other parents' email addresses?

No-one has mine. I think the school admin does but they never email me.

Just an aside but it intreagues me.

MerryMarigold · 02/07/2013 15:19

Yes, I think saying you wouldn't normally buy a leaving present for anyone let alone this child who is not your child's best friend would be perfectly appropriate. Ds1's class has several kids leaving and I wouldn't dream of buying any of them presents. Bit Confused as to why you would. You give a teacher a present to say thankyou for all your hardwork not 'goodbye'.

Bumbolina · 02/07/2013 15:19

Just say no to all of these things with "I prefer to make my own arrangements rather than join in group collections"

MikeLitoris · 02/07/2013 15:20

That is what I was wondering yama

The only mun that has a contact number for me is a friend that I knew pre dc.

We don't have an 'Alpha-mum' either.

Feel like im missing out on all the playground politics :(

lollylaughs · 02/07/2013 15:20

IF your dd is friends with her, as in good friends that she plays with, then I would. If she is just a class acquaintance, then just ignore.

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2013 15:22

Just say no to all of these things with "I prefer to make my own arrangements rather than join in group collections"

This ^^

Honestly, it's not worth getting your knickers in a knot about.

And also, why do you give your email address out to these people?

MerryMarigold · 02/07/2013 15:22

Mike, don't be sad. We have an Alpha Mum, but luckily she's not head of Mummy clique as no-one really likes her always pushing for her kids to have the best of everything in school.

Tee2072 · 02/07/2013 15:24

We had a mum who thought she was alpha, but we all just ignored her. And, unfortunately, all of the children ignored her equally thinking she was alpha daughter.

I don't have emails, but I have most of the mum's mobile numbers.

Original poster
FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 15:26

Neither leaver is DDs friend.
Am snippy over this because I am sick and tired of this clique controlling all child and parent activity in DDs class. They all air kiss. I find this gross and fake.

OP posts:
Original poster
FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 15:28

They are leaving independent all girls school to join alpha mixed independent school. Because our school is not academic enough....both leaving mothers were kind enough to publicise this to all class mothers...

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 02/07/2013 15:28

Shock Air kisses. You must move schools or areas. Or put up with it.

Tee2072 · 02/07/2013 15:32

If they are leaving, why do you care? Kiss the air and wave them bye bye.

Stand up for yourself, woman!

SoupDragon · 02/07/2013 15:37

It's their choice to leave

I doubt it is the girl's choice and it is, I assume, them you are buying a gift for, not the mother.

DDs class gave a departing girl a photo book with silly photos of them all in. DSs class have bought leaving gifts before too. It's not that unusual.

Anyhow, you are not under any obligation to do so, make the "prefer to do my own thing" excuse and leave it at that.

QueenMaeve · 02/07/2013 15:42

My 2 ds left their school last week. Both classes did a homemade card with their little messages inside. So thoughtful of them & their teachers had written a note too. I'd have been mortified if people thought they had to buy them a gift

CecilyP · 02/07/2013 15:44

I would say that they are very welcome to buy a leaving present for the 2 girls if they wish, but that you don't wish to be involved. I don't think you have to say things are a bit tight or, indeed make any excuse. Even if you were as rich as Croesus, you would be perfectly reasonable to refuse.

selsigfach · 02/07/2013 15:48

So she's emailed to say her daughter is leaving and can you give her money so she can buy her own daughter a present? Unbelievable! I'd be telling her in no uncertain terms where to go. Surprised she didn't attach a gift list, the cheeky cow.

elQuintoConyo · 02/07/2013 16:13

Was it in poem form? Please say it is so! Please print!

The ballsy cheek of some people.
I'd send a bluemountain e-card Grin

Monty27 · 02/07/2013 16:15

Ignore at your pleasure leisure :)

YouTheCat · 02/07/2013 16:17

They are leaving anyway, so a concise 'Please fuck off' in an email would be appropriate at this time.

Can you block whoever is emailing these farcical requests?

Jestrin · 02/07/2013 16:27

If neither of them are friends with your DD and it were me, I'd reply:

'I would be interested to know how you got my email address. Children who leave school usually receive a goodbye card or similar from their classmates. I have never heard of a whip round for children who are leaving before and it seems very OTT particularly as our children are not particularly close. I will opt out, thanks'