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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Say No Thanks To This...

61 replies

FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 15:09

Have just received email from a class parent asking us for cash to buy 2 girls in DDs class a leaving present...
One of the kids is Alpha Mothers and head of mummy clique DD.
It's their choice to leave, so why the actual fuck are we having to buy a present???
Email says its "optional" to join in collection. We all know what optional means in practice when it comes to school politics....
Have just had to shell out £10 for collection for teachers. Another demnding email. Another passive aggressive "optional" ...

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 02/07/2013 16:46

Oooh only in reception at the moment but wondering who our alpha mums are at school... I think we're all fairly passive. When does it become clear? :)

cozietoesie · 02/07/2013 16:48

Oh - and get yourself another email for personal matters and start changing over any contacts you have to. Who knows who may get hold of your current one.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 02/07/2013 16:49

Dont bother replying.

BarnYardCow · 02/07/2013 16:57

Ignore, so glad we left all that nonsense behind!

Pancakeflipper · 02/07/2013 17:03

Ignore it. Direct unwanted emails to your junk inbox and never touch it.

MakeGlutenFreeHay · 02/07/2013 17:08

Yikes - dd starts school next september, is this what we have to look forward too?

Leeds2 · 02/07/2013 17:08

At my DD's primary, a list was circulated with all of the children's names, addresses, birthdays and parental email addresses on it. As a parent, you were given a form to fill in requesting which bits of the above info you were happy to have circulated. People only tended to get cross when they forgot to return the form, and their child was omitted from the list!

That is probably how alpha mum has the OP's email address.

LadyKatherine · 02/07/2013 17:08

PrincessScrumpy it becomes very clear when for the second year in a row, you are unable/barely able to watch dc in the christmas play because yet again the alpha/cliquey mums are all in the front row seats having saved them for fellow alpha/cliquey mums.

(sorry for the rant, still smarting over last christmas play in which me, dh and dd arrived first and were first in line to go in to watch ds, just as we were due to go in, the receptionist decided that we had to go in the other way so we ended up stuck at the back of the line.)

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 02/07/2013 17:11

I would not contribute to this. Just ignore the email and outright refuse if actually asked.

Original poster
FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 17:17

This is what our Alpha Beyatch does..
Hogging front row at all plays and concerts.
First in queue at everything.
Likes to "volunteer" bwavely to do teacher collections, holiday get togethers, yummy mummy lunches at which she eats fuck all.
Coming in to school to loudly tell the teacher that her 4 yr old could "spell atmosphere, can't you darling?"
Is well over 40 but rocks up to school in hot pants. She even did the Jolie leg out of her car...
And see thru kaftans.
Has a scouse accent that she tries to hide.
Calls her DD a made up name from Captain Corellis Mandolin !!!!
Has private plate 4x4 with her kids initials on. Bleugh.
Takes her DH and son to ALL of her DDs parties. WHY?? She did this at ours two weeks ago. I was dying to say go the fuck away to them.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 02/07/2013 17:22

Blimey. This kind of thread always astounds me as this kind of alpha mummy stuff really doesn't happen where we are! When a child leaves, they would normally get a card signed by all and a little personalised present, maybe a mug or something, it would be normal here. Our parents give their details to be shared around the parents in their children's class (if they agree) so I have emails, addresses, phone numbers for all. Makes play dates, arrangements for class drinks, end of year gifts etc much easier; I assumed it was standard practise!

Original poster
FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 17:26

I'm happy for DD to write the girls a card, have teacher take a photo of the girls etc but a leaving gift? Fuck the actual fuck off.

OP posts:
TenToWine · 02/07/2013 17:30

At both schools by DCs have been at, one of the parent reps has put together a class contact list including mobiles andemail addresses. No obligation to include your details but everyone does and I find it very useful, particularly because I am not at the school gate that often so otherwise hard to arrange things. Didn't realise it is unusual.

Fakebook · 02/07/2013 17:31

Just don't take part! No one is forcing you.

I'm not taking part in the teachers gift thing either. We're making our own gifts for the teachers. I don't feel comfortable parting with £10 and letting someone else choose the gift.

We also have shared email addresses in the class so we can remind each other of upcoming events and class events. I don't see the problem with doing that.

flipchart · 02/07/2013 17:35

Well there is obviously a huge dislike going on there!

In primary about. 5 kids left over the tears from DS1 class and we had a whip round for them.

No issues, no moaning. Just got them a toy or something and the kids signed a card.

If you don't want todo this fine. We get you don't like the mums!

LittleMissGerardButlerfan · 02/07/2013 17:35

Just say did you mean to be so rude?

We have an alpha mum and her crew at our school, it was clear from the start. We used to have to go in a separate yard for reception class but thankfully now it's just one big playground so you can avoid them.

They try and befriend everyone and then gossip about others and try and get info and bitch about everyone they are horrible. As time has gone on their clique has got smaller and smaller, there is only a couple left now so not even a group really.

They are on the PTA and I joined at first with others but the clique took over and after me helping at a couple if events and given the really crappy jobs I left them to it. The PTA is getting smaller and they have trouble getting people to help at events and no one else joins because they find it too cliquey.

I think eventually the PTA is going to have noone left and should hopefully get restarted with nice people :o

Rant over sorry OP I got a bit carried away!

Alwaysbloodyhungry · 02/07/2013 17:35

Bollocks to that!

Alwaysbloodyhungry · 02/07/2013 17:37

Fuck the actual fuck off ! Great line Funlovinbunster

Onesleeptillwembley · 02/07/2013 17:41

Fuck the actual fuck off

Yep, concise but subtle Grin

WorrySighWorrySigh · 02/07/2013 18:02

When my DCs left their primary school as we were moving back to UK the class teachers took the opportunity to talk to all the children about change and moving on. The classes had made and decorated small gifts for each of my DCs and had a special little ceremony (to which we were invited) in each class.

It was very lovely.

Original poster
FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 18:11

Worry that is a lovely idea, and heartfelt too. I think that what your school did is a lot more appropriate and child centric. Perhaps my passive aggressive email response should suggest something along the lines of your post.
Sadly I think the leaving gift collection in our class is more about the wannabes kowtowing to Alpha and her DD. And that revolves around the egos, not the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 18:13

Go for it Littlemiss!!
In fact, anyone here on MN that has a parent clique grievance, please feel free to go for it and vent!!

OP posts:
Bumpotato · 02/07/2013 20:38

Don't contribute if you don't want to.

At my girls' school the class reps send out a spreadsheet at the beginning of term with each child's name, birthdate, address great for google street viewing when bored , parent(s)' names, mobile number, landline and email address. Each parent has volunteered the info. It is handy but then again it isn't used for ridiculous requests like the one OP got.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 02/07/2013 22:08

I agree that what was done for my DCs was about the class and teacher saying good bye and about my DCs saying good bye back.

A collection for a class gift will probably be pretty meaningless to the children which is sad.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 02/07/2013 22:23

DH has just reminded me of a couple of other things which DCs' primary school did:

  • official teachers birthday (a bit like the queen!) for the whole school. The only collection was that each child was asked to bring in a single flower. These were then put together by the class mother to make a bouquet for the teacher.

  • children's birthdays in reception were celebrated with the lighting of a candle for each year gone and one for the year to come. This accompanied by the teacher explaining what the children could do at each age and what they would be able to do in the year to come.

  • in later years the birthday girl or boy would bring in a box of chocolates and would be given a blank card. They would then go from class to class and the teachers would sign the card and get a chocolate in return.

All very low key and child-centric.