to find it really irritating when people who earn a lot say...

[Doodledumdums]

...But I work really hard for the money I get.

Sorry, totally unimportant, but it really irritates me!

I have a few friends who earn quite a lot of money, and I don't begrudge them this at all, but I just find it really insulting when they say 'But I do work really hard for it.' I also work hard! I feel like it implies that I don't! Okay, I am on maternity leave at the moment, so am not actually at work, (although i'd say that to some extent, looking after a baby is harder than my actual job anyway!) but when I am working, I am usually in the office by 8am, and often don't leave until 7pm, and I earn literally a fraction of what some of my friends earn. That is fine, I knew that when I got in to my chosen industry, but it doesn't mean that I don't work as hard as they do or deserve more!

They don't need to be defensive about it at all! It is totally fine that they earn what they do, I just don't understand why they can't be a bit more gracious about it and say something like 'Yes, I am lucky that I have a job I love which pays well.'

Oh I don't know, maybe I am being unreasonable and ultra-sensitive. I am sure they don't mean to imply that I don't work hard, but it just feels like that sometimes. Totally a first world issue!

P.S- I have self esteem and anxiety issues...which is possibly why I find this upsetting!

When you listen to these people you often get the impression that "if only everybody else worked as hard as me they could be company directors too".

Whereas a brief reflection suggests that "if everybody became a company director we would all die from cholera within the year".

They're like small children who think "daddy is silly because he goes to the office in the morning when he could be going to softplay with me", because they haven't yet worked out that if daddy didn't go to the office there wouldn't ever be any softplay- and no food and no house either.

That link was great - www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying_p2/ that does kind of say it all!

TRF I agree with you about the damned if I do damned if I don't.
I tried to say something similar earlier, but you phrased it so much better.

yanbu

Honestly, I would have a hard time spending time with someone who 1. had much less money than me and made snarky comments about how much more money I had than them or 2. had much more money than me and endlessly bragged about how much money they had.

I wouldn't choose to spend time with either. Life is just like this; people have more money than you, people have less. You have to get your head on straight & stop with the comparisons.

Whereas a brief reflection suggests that "if everybody became a company director we would all die from cholera within the year".

Brilliant.

I think some high earners and I guess low too if they don't value the work company directors and the like do, would do well to be humble enough to realise that most of us who are lucky enough to make any choices, put our hard work where it will earn us the best return, given our talents and opportunities. Some people get high financial rewards, some don't. Although an ex friend of mine sees things differently, I see that we are both good at and work hard in our chosen careers. It's just hers is more financially gratifying. I need her in business to keep the economy going, she needs me, or others like me to teach her children.

OP what would you like people who have high salaries to say?

FS - "Yes, I've been lucky to have the opportunity." Or even "Yeah, everyone here works hard; it doesn't seem fair sometimes!"

I really can't better the way these points are made in the Six Things link, but try this on ... A wheelchair-bound person tells an able-bodied friend they envy their friend's Salsa dancing abilities. The dancing friend replies to the disabled one, "I worked really hard at it!"
Insensitive or not?

FasterStronger I don't really expect them to say anything particularly, I just think that sometimes a little sensitivity is nice. I don't wear old clothes and drive a beaten up old ford because I don't work hard, in my opinion, I do work really hard! I just feel that to a certain extent, the implication is there that they deserve nicer things because they work harder, and I don't necessarily think that is the case.

People may be right though, maybe it is a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. I doubt i'll ever find out for sure, I work in a notoriously badly paid industry!

If you are in a badly paid industry, change industry and change your 'luck'. Don't begrudge others their higher earnings just because you have made a choice to be in the industry you are in.

If you aren't bothered enough to change your job and earn more then you can't moan if others are paid better than you. For all this talk about luck, it has a fair bit to do with personal choice too.

I too wonder how your friends came to say that they worked hard for their money. I just hope you aren't one of those people who say, 'Aren't you lucky for having x, y or z. If you did you kind of deserve their response.

If you didn't lead them to defend themselves in this way though, if they made the comments totally out of thin air to boast, change your friends if the inequality bothers you that much.

Garlic that is a poor example. A disabled person can't just get up and dance no matter how hard they try. A person in a poorly paid job could, with effort, change jobs if they really wanted to.

For the record I don't get paid much, just above minimum wage. It wouldn't occur to me be jealous of other people because they earn more than me because I could do something about it.

YANBU.

Many of those on low incomes work at least as hard as some people earning several times more.

There are people in Africa living on £1 a day who work harder than any of us, so money and work are clearly not directly proportionate.

No, it's not as simple as "changing jobs if you really wanted to". Wanting something doesn't necessarily make it possible, as there are other factors that can't be changed (health, location, outlay etc)

Where have all these assumptions of jealousy come from?

Going back to me and my cleaner (because I'm poor now, and because we had those conversations at length that year,) she wasn't hating me for being so much better-off than me. She was envious, sure, and I didn't blame her. She and her DH worked as hard as me and mine - I'd say harder, actually - we were all the same age, and her husband's training was as lengthy as my H's and mine. The vast disparity between our lifestyles was down to intellect, education and opportunity. I wouldn't say either of them were thick - just not as conventionally bright as us - and they worked in 'obvious' trades, whereas my H and I were in less well-known areas (which we, ourselves, didn't know about until we went to uni, because we came from the working class.)

The comparison with disability is not spurious. It's extremely insulting to suppose everybody has the same advantages and opportunities. They don't! ... And, as cory, says, we don't even want everybody to be a managing director so why look down on those who keep the world going round?

BigBoobiedBertha- I think that was a little harsh! You are making a few incorrect assumptions IMO.

If you are in a badly paid industry, change industry and change your 'luck'. Don't begrudge others their higher earnings just because you have made a choice to be in the industry you are in.

I don't want to change my industry. I worked very hard to get into this industry, and am very lucky to have my job. I have said repeatedly that I don't begrudge anyone earning the money that they do! This conversation has got nothing to do with me begrudging people for what they earn. It is to do with my feeling that the perception is that I don't work as hard.

If you aren't bothered enough to change your job and earn more then you can't moan if others are paid better than you. For all this talk about luck, it has a fair bit to do with personal choice too.

It has nothing to do with me not being bothered enough to change my job, I love my job, and I am not moaning that others are paid more than me. Sure, it would be nice if my chosen industry included higher pay, but it doesn't, and I knew that before I chose it. I say again, my objection is that because my industry pays less than others, there is sometimes an implication that I don't work as hard.

I just hope you aren't one of those people who say, 'Aren't you lucky for having x, y or z.

No, the conversations do not come about like that. There are various situations where the comment has been made, either to me directly, or indirectly to a whole group of people during a general conversation.

change your friends if the inequality bothers you that much.

I said in my original OP that this was a first world issue and totally unimportant- so I feel that changing my friends would be a little extreme! I merely started a thread about something which irritates me, and it has provoked quite a lively debate. I am not sure it is necessary to change my friends over it! My husband cuts his toenails on our sofa and that irritates me, but I am not going to leave him over it!

A person in a poorly paid job could, with effort, change jobs if they really wanted to

I guess this is a matter of opinion, but IMO it is not true. Changing jobs requires a lot more than just effort. It doesn't matter how much effort I put in, I could never achieve my dream of being a vet- for many reasons.

It wouldn't occur to me be jealous of other people because they earn more than me

I never said I was jealous!

'I work hard' does not translate as 'you don't work hard'.

A does not = B. In fact, A has absolutely no correlation with B at all. The only way it does, is if you arbitrarily decide it does in your own head.

I just want to say that my DH is highly paid and works hard for it.
my sister is not paid very well - also works hard for it. both have jobs that not many people can do, DH more so than my sis. she lives in a different country, much poorer then the UK generally.

I wish my sister could earn more. she is single, no kids.
I actually wish DH could earn more as 6 are eyewateringly expensive.

I look up to both of them enormously and equally.

I don't know what this adds to the conversation apart from that comparing salaries alone is a dumb thing to do.

YANBU

• 6 kids are

Yes, bigboobedbertha, because right now there are so many jobs in higher paying careers/industries that are just sitting there, waiting for a less experienced person to turn up... Weirdo.

Well you can just give up and say' woe is me I don't earn much and I work soooo hard' (do you though if you think looking after a baby is as harder than your job) and stay bitter about other people's success or you can try and change things for yourself. At least try, don't just blames everything and everybody else for you failure to earn what you think you deserve to earn. Whinging about your friends is weird not trying to better yourself.

As the OP says in her reply to you, changing jobs takes more than effort. It could require requalification that takes years and £000's to achieve, which is out of most people's power, or it requires a position to become magically available in a higher paid sector. In the real world this just doesn't happen than easily.

As others have said and I agree, there is an element of luck involved in this. I qualified and went into a sector that looked as though it was a good decision, but has been badly hit by the recession. Other friends chose different sectors back in the early 00's when things like finance were relatively easy to get into as a graduate, and have been there long enough now to mostly have secure positions and survived the recessions. At the start out, there wasn't anything to chose between what we were doing. But the luck of the recession has made things turn our differently for us.

What the OP is talking about, and I do agree with, is that some people believe that their higher wage is to do purely with working hard. For some people yes, it is a reflection of how hard they do work/have worked compared to other people. For other people, it is all to do with having found a profession that is recession proof, and so it can be a bit galling when they imply their higher wage is purely to do with working hard.

Well my work doesn't wake me up three-four times a night screaming, and while I am there I am able to eat food easily and go to the toilet alone, so in that respect, yes, looking after a baby is harder! But in general, no, my job is harder and a lot more stressful. I was just trying to highlight that looking after a baby isn't always a walk in the park!

I think you are misinterpreting my original OP. I am not remotely bitter, I don't feel like saying 'woe is me', and I don't want to change things for myself. I haven't failed. This has nothing to do with me wanting what other people have. You appear to be confusing a higher income as 'Success'. I am not bitter about anyone else's 'Success', I am successful IMO, I just don't earn as much as some of my friends, this does not mean I don't see myself as being as successful as them, it just means that they earn more, and my point is that I dislike the implication that this means that I don't work as hard.

Why is whinging about my friends weird?! I hadn't realised that there was a protocol about what we are allowed to post on here?! And I fail to see the correlation between whinging about my friends and how it implies that I am not trying to better myself? I never said that me whinging about my friends was an attempt to better myself? Not that I want to 'Better myself'. I am not sure where the assumption has come from that I am bitter and need to better myself?!

All the talk about 'luck' is a red herring.

It still all depends on you hearing 'I work hard' and translating it as 'you do not'.

And that's entirely of your own head's making.