to find it really irritating when people who earn a lot say...

[Doodledumdums]

...But I work really hard for the money I get.

Sorry, totally unimportant, but it really irritates me!

I have a few friends who earn quite a lot of money, and I don't begrudge them this at all, but I just find it really insulting when they say 'But I do work really hard for it.' I also work hard! I feel like it implies that I don't! Okay, I am on maternity leave at the moment, so am not actually at work, (although i'd say that to some extent, looking after a baby is harder than my actual job anyway!) but when I am working, I am usually in the office by 8am, and often don't leave until 7pm, and I earn literally a fraction of what some of my friends earn. That is fine, I knew that when I got in to my chosen industry, but it doesn't mean that I don't work as hard as they do or deserve more!

They don't need to be defensive about it at all! It is totally fine that they earn what they do, I just don't understand why they can't be a bit more gracious about it and say something like 'Yes, I am lucky that I have a job I love which pays well.'

Oh I don't know, maybe I am being unreasonable and ultra-sensitive. I am sure they don't mean to imply that I don't work hard, but it just feels like that sometimes. Totally a first world issue!

P.S- I have self esteem and anxiety issues...which is possibly why I find this upsetting!

But they wouldn't need be be defensive about it, or feel the need to justify it if other people didn't keep making passive aggressive little digs about it, would they?

Following on from Edam's point people in middle management often experience their own type of stress that those higher up the chain don't have as they are in a no man's land with a lot of time constraints .

People with money can also limit their stress at home by buying in help.

i've only ever heard it on here
no-one i know, from a bin man to a hospital medical director and lots in between, talks about what they earn so there's no (attempted) justification

It's kind of silly to meet that kind of commentary with "I work really hard and this is MY MONEY"; it's just sinking to the lowest common denominator.

I don't know why anyone would feel the need to defend themselves against someone prying into their finances, it just makes them look as silly as the inquisitor.

I have a colleague who says ''well X has a disability and works FULL TIME'' it feels as if she's aiming her comment at me because i have to work part time due to my health problems (which i refuse to discuss with her and she is desperate to know everything).

I do know people who make the ''well i work hard for it'' comment and she is one of them; the thing is that what is hard for one person can be easy for another; hard work is subjective to how each person copes.

edam: I am MD of a small company.
It is often extremely stressful.
The nature of our work is last minute.
We could get a phone call today for a £10k job to be ready in two days time.
It is stressful in the quiet periods wondering how I'm going to pay the seven lots of wages at the end of each week.
It is stressful in the very busy periods working 7 days per week 12 hours per day.

The money the business has made has always been reinvested into the business, so we have little to fall back on.
By the way, I am not stupid.

I do not live a life of luxury.
But I agree that people on minimum wage get a very raw deal.

TheRealFellatio I don't make passive aggressive digs?!

Crowler Your second post somewhat implies that you think that I am the one doing the prying? Why would that necessarily be the assumption?

Here you go:

www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying/

OP I wonder if your friend is feeling defensive or entitled or both?

I din't necessarily mean you Doodles - why on earth would you immediately assume that?

But you said:

AIBU to find it really irritating when people who earn a lot say....but I work really hard for the money I get.

I am merely pointing out that that kind of stock reply is almost always in response to people feeling judged for earning great money. I can't imagine very many people start a conversation with 'I earn a fortune but I really do work hard for it.' What usually happens is that someone else says 'Blimey, you earn a fortune' and then the person says 'yes, but I really work hard for it.'

Most people realise it is not really polite or appropriate to keep dissecting the salary (and the worth) of an averagely paid or poorly acquaintance to their face, but somehow when they sense someone is much better off than them it suddenly becomes open season to say what they like, ask rude and probing questions, make you the butt of their jokes or have an opinion on whether they think they are worth it - even if they understand fuck all about what you do, or how you ended up doing it!

poorly paid acquaintance, not poorly acquaintance!

Edam Id love to know where that research comes from, it sounds remarkably arbitrary and non-scientific

Doodledumdums I was responding to TheRealFellatio. Just writing this name makes me giggle :-)

Fantastic link, Marina Everyone here should read it!

Like TheRealFellatio I was not assuming this was you.

Daisy, there is a lot of that research and it is properly structured.

I was replying to a specific quote, Morris, which I quoted. It included "They could have chosen to do something they enjoyed more ... or chosen a job where the responsibility ends when you walk out the door."

The quote clearly implied that high-paid jobs are all important drudgery, while low-paid ones are carefree fun.

The quote did not imply what you claimed, either in your original response or the one quoted here.

The set of people who have turned down well-paid jobs is not the same as the set of people who don't have well-paid jobs.

I agree with Crowther, TheRealFellatio is a truly awesome nickname and I'm goddam jealous as hell that I didnt think of it first!

Sorry, my mistake, I thought you were refering to me because I had written the op.

Agreed, it is a brilliant name!!

Edam in a sense I agree with you about control being a big part of stress. My worst job, which wasn't well paid for my qualifications and in relations to my colleagues, was my most stressful and miserable because I had no control and despite working hard, my contribution and expertise were not being recognised. It was horrible and made me ill.

I don't think that those at the top of the pile are necessarily in the stress free place because they supposedly have control though. Some probably do have a more stress free life but plenty don't. Stress is probably down to personality not just control. Some people thrive on responsibility, some don't. In fact I would suggest that if you believe in luck or at least if you believe that it is as important as hard work, you have to believe that control is a bit of an illusion. You can't say you have control if luck, good or bad, is in a position to change things for you.

I would agree with what Holly said up thread about is coming down to market worth. It's not that people who earn a lot necessarily work harder or that they are 'lucky' in that they were just gifted a job.

I would say they are lucky in the sense that their job has a high market worth. And it's not as a simple as saying people who do very important but low-paid jobs are idiots for choosing the wrong profession - they chose a profession that is fundamental to our society but which, as a society, we bizarrely choose to de-value.

Actually I think most rich people probably do work harder than average. I left the City because I didn't want to get up that early every day. I left my management consultancy marketing job because I didn't want to work ten hours every day with young children. If I had been prepared to work longer hours I would be far better off now.

Things I do find annoying about my rich friends (who are generally lovely):

Downplaying their holiday houses in AFrica/Greece, wherever: Oh it's so simple. There's no wifi so the children have to do simple outdoor things. Such as going out on the yacht/power boat.

Boasting about their green lifestyles and recycling and heating systems. While flying four or five times a year. And they usually have huge families, too.

I don't know why anyone would feel the need to defend themselves against someone prying into their finances, it just makes them look as silly as the inquisitor.

Well I agree in theory Crowler except that if you sat there just nodding and saying 'yes, I do earn a ton more than most people, don't I? Isn't it fabulous? I really fell on my feet there.' then you'd be slated for being smug and boasty. Damned if you do and damned if you don't!

I imagine it's like being incredibly beautiful. If people ask 'what's it like being so beautiful?' and you say 'Oh don't be daft, I 'm not that beautiful really - I have sticky out ears and I hate my nose' ' then people will think 'fuck off with your false modesty, how do you think that makes someone totally ordinary like me feel, when you are so faux critical of yourself?'

Whereas if they get asked 'what's it like being so beautiful?' and they just answer the question straight, without any attempt at self-deprecation, then some people will always think 'Oh fuck off with your big head and your over-inflated opinion of yourself, you're nothing special anyway.'

What I would like to hear more often is:

I enjoy a good wage because other people are working so hard to provide the infra-structure without which a job like mine could not exist.

Don't often hear that, do you?

But how long do company director and top lawyers and bank managers think they could keep going if there weren't other people prepared to work ridiculous hours (because wages are so low), commute stupid distances (because wages won't allow them to live centrally), and sometimes even put their lives at risk to keep the roads open, the railways running, the ships afloat that bring import goods into the country, the ports safe and working, the sewers functioning, the bins emptied and the food delivered to the shops?