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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 8 p.m. is too late for children to eat their tea?

183 replies

whatever5 · 29/06/2013 19:15

Dh cooks tea for us all on Saturday (I cook during the week) and as usual he is outside having a beer in the garden at 7 p.m. rather than getting on with cooking.

He can't see the problem and thinks that I am being unreasonable and "controlling" to be annoyed that the children (age 9 and 12) won't get any food until 8 p.m.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
midori1999 · 30/06/2013 09:58

Surely if he is cooking, he gets to cook at whatever time he chooses? If you don't think the DC should eat that late, give them a decent snack earlier and it won't matter for one day a week.

merrymouse · 30/06/2013 10:01

Well personally if I was having to make a decent snack for the rest of their family at their normal meal time, I'd call that me cooking.

5madthings · 30/06/2013 10:31

Given the ages of the children they can get themselves something to eat if they are that bothered.

If its being done by the duh in a passive aggressive way to get out of the cooking then that's a different issue.

Shitsinger · 30/06/2013 10:41

Please come back OP and tell us whether it was homemade fish and chips or bung it in the oven Iceland special!
if it was the latter I would just have gone to the chip shop.

merrymouse · 30/06/2013 10:46

True, but everyone grabbing their own food because they're starving isn't really a lovely weekend family meal.

Pagwatch · 30/06/2013 10:50

We often take the DC out to supper around 8.00 on a Saturday.
They just have fruit/a sandwich/something small for tea at about 4.00.

Original poster
whatever5 · 30/06/2013 10:50

They would be very happy to get themselves something to eat but as madeofstardust says if it was later than their normal meal time that would be a sandwich, some crisps, fruit and a biscuit. Then there would be no pointing in DH cooking tea.

Also, if they are going to have snacks one day a week to save the effort of cooking I think that it would be more reasonable to do that on one of the six days I cook, not the only day that DH does it!

OP posts:
Original poster
whatever5 · 30/06/2013 10:53

It was homemade fish and chips. DH spends ages choosing and preparing the fish and would be really annoyed if the children didn't eat it because they had filled up on snacks before hand.

OP posts:
Shitsinger · 30/06/2013 10:57

He sounds like an arse.

ExcuseTypos · 30/06/2013 10:59

Well there's your answer OP

Tell him that the dc are being wingey about being hungry every Saturday evening, things have to change. He either starts cooking around 6.30 or they have a snack and then won't eat his lovely food. It's his choice.

Bowlersarm · 30/06/2013 10:59

How about having a later lunch on a Saturday to fit in with a later evening meal? (Apologies if that has already been suggested)

kelda · 30/06/2013 11:00

I would be annoyed. Why can't he relax and drink his beer after dinner? That's what most parents do.

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 30/06/2013 11:06

Amazed at people competing to be the most 'relaxed' and 'Mediterranean' about how they spend their weekends! That's all fine if it's what you want but it isn't a virtue in its own right, and definitely not if one person is passive-aggressively making three others wait and get hungry for two hours later than usual while he sits having a beer. I know who I think is being controlling in this scenario!

Also, where are all the posters usually insisting that partners share the cooking 50-50? This guy cooks ONCE a week when the OP does the rest, and everyone is telling her to leave him alone / get the kids to do it / do it herself if she's not happy? Why shouldn't he be expected to do more and to consider the needs of his family? Next people will be telling her to be grateful he cooks at all!

OP - first, YANBU, and second, two hours for fish and chips? Did if

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 30/06/2013 11:08

continued - Did he have to catch the fish himself? Tell him in future you will get the kids to make a sandwich for themselves if there's no food by say 7.30 and his precious masterpiece will go in the bin.

insanityscratching · 30/06/2013 11:10

We eat late on a Saturday, dd 10 didn't eat until 9pm along with the rest of us. It's what makes it a weekend, late getting up, cooked brunch instead of cereal and toast for breakfast, high tea instead of dinner and a late supper and a late bed time. I'd just be happy that dh was cooking and adjust other meals accordingly rather than getting stressed tbh.

Jengnr · 30/06/2013 11:10

If they got up late, had their dinner at, say, 2.30 I don't think 8 is too late for tea.

If they had their dinner at 12 then they'd need summat in between. I still don't think 8 is too late though - they're old enough to grab a bag of crisps or a banana or whatever.

Shitsinger · 30/06/2013 11:16

Snazzy no one is competing- it was just a suggestion to try to resolve the situation.
I have older DC and so we are more relaxed about mealtimes ,more so than when they were little and age 2 or 3 when meltdown would have occurred.
However it does seem that the DH is being a dick and deliberately make the whole thing "about him" and as you say "his precious masterpiece"
Why do some men need applause and everyone going "wow" just because they cooked a bloody meal!

forevergreek · 30/06/2013 11:20

Ok... We must be the worlds worse parents by this thread!

We don't get home until 7pm so v rarely eat before 8pm

Last night we had a 9pm reservation at a japanese restaurant. We left at 11pm. Kids are 2 and 3 years. They loved it, and were very well behaved. They had napped and eaten at appropriate times during the day to allow later eating/ bed.

Surely it just depends on the day schedule of child? Yesterday ours woke at 9.30am, ate breakfast around 10am. Lunch 3pm, napped 3.30-6pm. Therefore eating at 9pm with 11.30pm bed seems perfectly fine. They just woke around 30 mins ago, and eating eggs now :)

merrymouse · 30/06/2013 11:26

9 and 10 year olds don't tend to nap during the day.

merrymouse · 30/06/2013 11:27

Sorry, 9 and 12 year olds.

insanityscratching · 30/06/2013 11:31

No naps here but dd aged 10 loves a late bedtime it was midnight last night and she got up at 10.30 I think at 9 and 12 most children can cope with a change to their daily routine without too much trauma.

WellHmmm · 30/06/2013 11:37

They'll live.

forevergreek · 30/06/2013 11:40

No but 9-12 year olds an generally cope with being awake for more than 12 hours a day.

We have a very non scheduled lifestyle as both work here in uk/ sometimes from home/ sometimes abroad. Our children although young have adapted very well to different routines according to day/ location.

I suppose some children find it harder If used to something very different.

ExcuseTypos · 30/06/2013 12:12

I don't think it's the children in this situation, who are the problem. I'm sure they'd 'adjust' to different routines-AS LONG AS THEY WERE ALLOWED TO EAT A SNACK.

Sorry for shouting but people seem to be missing the main point. Their Father doesn't want them eating snacks, so everyone is hungry.

ByTheSea · 30/06/2013 12:20

That is our normal dinnertime.

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