Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

[Beatrixpotty]

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

But 3 yr olds are so unpredictable.

sometimes they do just suddenly reach out and touch something they shouldn't.

I have/had mine right next to me, on reins etc...they can still make mistakes surely?

I'd never make a Mum feel worse because her child touched my food It takes a few seconds to ask for a new one!

It means your children have less freedom and you need to train them like dogs but it is one of the many costs of 3 under 3.

Really?! Train them like dogs? Actually shocked.

How would you train a dog?
With love and patience, clear links between action and consequence, positive reinforcement, consistency, lots of praise, fresh start every day...
I've never understood the pearl-clutching that goes on here when the comparison is made.
But then I don't own a dog and never have. Perhaps you beat them into obedience?

I think you should have left him alone. He didn't ask to get into an altercation with you, he just went for breakfast. You should have left it at the apology, not gone over for another go because you didn't like his response. It sounds pretty aggressive of you.

Yes, the shit mums who can't control their dc's should be issued with cattle prods by the state. That way we can stop our unruly toddlers from maurauding round sainsburys mauling the precious gold plated croissants and upsetting all the decent folk

Ssimtree I would have freaked if somebody had started touching the food i was about to eat. The man was right. You need to control your children when you are in public. My kids would never dream of going up to somebody and touching their food...He was very polite by not giving you abuse and telling you to f**k off, as I would have done, when you went up to him to tell him off. Some cheek you've got there. Your out of control kid did touch his food after all.
You sound charming.

I don't think it's at all polite to accost the man at his table and disturb his breakfast in order to pursue the point.

Needaholiday you have a strange definition of polite!

If I'd been disturbed at my table like that I'd have told her to go away in no uncertain terms. It's plain rude.

why did she need to get a point across at all?

I have also been swimming when my 2 DC were small...you get hot,bothered,tired and more than a little stressed at times, as OP said 3 small children are hard work...BUT...supposing 'Mr Unreasonable had, had an equally stressful day, he may have popped out for a bit of peace when his Grandchildren were visiting, he may be going through a messy divorce, he may be about to lose his job, he may be recently widowed, he may be in terrible pain. In fact there could equally be 101 reasons why he wasn't feeling particularly friendly that day. I presume of course that if your DC touch HIS croissant and said 'I want that' you did indeed buy the 'rejected' croissant? or did you not want to do that in case the man had touched it? . A recent wedding I attended was ruined by a precious father asking his DC (aged @ 4) EVERY 2 mins 'Henry' eat your food, Henry sit still, Henry are you ok? Henry you are such a good boy...Henry,Henry , by the time we'd eaten we could have ALL cheerfully strangled dear precious thoroughly spoilt lovely DC Henry! and we like DCs .

Croissant man was definitely rude. For all the people who seem to have missed it, the OP did apologise to him. OP, you were unreasonable in continuing the matter; nothing is to be gained. As someone else said, it can be good for your kids to learn that you cannot rely on others to be civil.

I am quite worried at the number of people who think it's OK to dismiss an apology with a critical response for something like this. It's a sure fire way of escalating the unpleasantness of the situation. No one wins.

How did a 3 year old manage to reach up to touch something on the mans tray?

Jesus, really?? A 3yr old touched some bloke croissant and its the end of the world?!!! He got a new one, the dc apologised and so did the mam, what does he want? He wants to live in someone's shoes for a day who has real problems if this upsets him!
There are other more important things in life to get annoyed and upset about!
Yanbu op!!

salsmum I thought that too. I cried into my breakfast in Sainsburys this morning due to family bereavement, I'm not sure how tolerant I'd have been of a strange 3 year old mauling my breakfast.
I would have acknowledged a child though I'm not sure how good an idea it is to get your 3 yr old child to apologise to a complete stranger

at eyes and burmo

Don't know if anyone has pointed out that sainsburys croissants are really not very nice anymore?

Icantstopeatinglol re:- "He wants to live in someone's shoes for a day who has real problems if this upsets him!" you have no idea whether the man "has real problems" himself .

Gruntfuttock, fair enough but I would never take my problems out on an innocent 3yr old.

You were unreasonable to keep going on at him
He told you to keep your children under control - reasonable really but you got defensive. ( because he touched a nerve )

I have food issues and probably would have had a melt down tbh. I shouldn't have to tolerate it any more than I have to tolerate my sisters son who is going through a biting stage or tolerate the kids who were kicking my chair in the cinema... and I have a child before anyone pulls the 'you musnt have kids' shit...