Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

[Beatrixpotty]

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

burm

The man was rude to the OP not her child.

Posted too soon .. They are far too unpredictable to be unattended!and as much as I love them, I am sure others would not approve of their antics.

Its not about expecting perfect manners from a child, but expecting a parent to control their child and that is all that the man in question pointed out.

YANBU. He was rude; since he'd chosen to insult you in public, you were fine to tell him he was rude. The irony of people yelling, "Control your child", when they are clearly unable to control their adult temper, always amazes me.

I don't really see telling the OP to control her children and walking away from the situation as being unable to control his temper.

Neither do I.

OP should have been controlling her children. She wasn't. She then confronted this man because he didn't react to her little darling the way she wanted him to. That is more rude imo.

Really, BadLad??? That's the state of manners now? If an adult steps on my foot in a shop and then apologises, which response is polite:

A) Say. don't worry about it, even if it hurt.

B) Loudly tell them "Just watch where you're going!"

Especially not if you consider the man's other comment

From the OP

""Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast.""

Hardly evidence of an out of control temper tantrum.

When I hear "you should CONTROL your child" it makes me think of a
dog...or it that just me?

Alisvo, I beg to differ. The man ignored an apology from a little boy (rude) and bellowed across the cafe at the OP (also rude) all because his croissant got touched. How are kids supposed to learn manners if this how an adult behaves?
The cashier was an independent witness and she also called him a rude man

You didn't say he wasn't polite, solar. You said he was unable to control his temper.

He was grumpy, admittedly, but he wasn't mad with anger, from the description given.

And there is a difference between an accident and failure to control your children.

If you want to live in UK society you will occasionally encounter children and indeed 3 year old children. They may occasionally do things they shouldn't but if the mother is trying their best you just have to live with it. I'm sure its slightly annoying if a child gets over excited and pokes your breakfast but its one of those things. The man was a grade A tosser.

How are kids supposed to learn manners if this how an adult behaves?

That is why the MOTHER should have behaved properly, it is a much worse example to see your Mother behaving like that than a stranger.

I would have freaked if somebody had started touching the food i was about to eat. The man was right. You need to control your children when you are in public. My kids would never dream of going up to somebody and touching their food. He is also entitled not to like kids and be left alone. He was very polite by not giving you abuse and telling you to f**k off, as I would have done, when you went up to him to tell him off. Some cheek you've got there. Your out of control kid did touch his food after all. I also hope the cashier sold you that same croissant that your child has touched and not a brand new one.

'When I hear "you should CONTROL your child" it makes me think of a
dog...or it that just me?'

No, it reminded me of the dog that stuck its nose i my crotch whilst I was carrying a coffee. The owner said 'But he's only being friendly'
I told her to control her bloody animal.

It reads to me as if he was standing next to the OP and her child, so not exactly bellowing across the cafe

I'm sure its slightly annoying if a child gets over excited and pokes your breakfast but its one of those things

Sorry it isn't "one of those things" at all. One of those things suggests its something that is unavoidable and people just have to put up with. This could have been avoided if the OP had kept her child next to her and stopped him before he got close enough to someone else to touch their food

Bellowed??

YABU to have gone back and carried it on. I would have felt very attacked by that.

I would not have wanted food prodded by the hands of a small child which might have just been on the floor, up their nose, down their pants.

He didn't bellow, just like op didn't 'march over' to the man 'abandoning' her 3 young children

I think that response is an inability to control his temper, clearly. He responded in anger and annoyance, rather than with polite dispassion, which is what he would have done if he had exercised some control over his temper.

Iwilldoitinaminute I also think of dogs!

There is no significant social diffence between a 3-year-old touching a croissant (FFS) and an adult accidentally injuring you. Indeed, TouchGate caused no harm whatsoever. Shouldn't have been that difficult to politely accept a toddler's apology.

He did accept the boys apology tho... Did you expect him to lie and say 'its ok' to him?

So if anyone ever expresses annoyance at anything, they are unable to control their temper?

That might work for Mr. Spock, but on Earth it's complete rubbish.

Eyesunderarock, now see I think your response was fine. Dog owner did not apologise, and I do expect people to control their animals. I don't expect children to be always and ever under perfect control, but I do expect an apology from the child and/or parent when they stray. That's how they learn to be polite adults, who accept apologies with good grace.

HeySoulSister - yes, of course he should say it's okay. It was okay. He had his food touched; it was replaced; boy apologised. Yes, the only polite response it 'fine', or similar. Not 'control your child'. That's rude.