Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

[Beatrixpotty]

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

[Eyesunderarock]

Do you think that lack of a breakfast might have made him insist that the OP replace it?
Or would he just place the croissant on the table and say 'As you've fingered it, you might as well have it' and walked out.
All those roads not taken. Those potential story lines unfed.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yes and the OP should have left it. He was rude. She then became confrontational rather than just letting it go like a reasonable person.

[ShellyBoobs]

Rude because he was unable to control his temper...

Yes, he sounds like a complete maniac from OP's description.

[BadLad]

the general idea is that manners help us rub along rather than break into fights every time our personal annoyances trip us up

He walked away from the situation - the OP decided to carry on when she went over to him. Absolutely nothing that the man did was ever going to make them break into fight.

[Eyesunderarock]

Visions of OP holding small child in his face:
'See what you've done, you monster? Crushed his belief in society s welcoming and interesting, made his pilgrim soul shrivel. Look at his misery because you refused to accept his apology, his childish spirit rebuffed.
Have you no shame, no pity, no altruism?'

Little Nell pathos, will no one think of the children?

[KirjavaTheCat]

I can only judge based on what I'd do faced with having suffered at the hands of OP's food-touching 3yo.

Nothing. Precisely nothing. In fact it wouldn't even enter my head to say a thing, apart from 'Looks like he wants a croissant!'

However I do understand some people have more stringent standards when it comes to food hygiene so, perhaps if I had had a problem with it, I'd have asked discreetly for a new one. But then I'd have accepted the 3yo's apology, because I'm not an arse.

[IWillDoItInAMinute]

@ Eyes

[Bowlersarm]

OP I do feel for you because you sound like you were harassed at the time.

I think your mistake was to pursue it though. Your DS did wrong; he apologised on your request; grumpy man should have accepted but he didn't and that was his prerogative; the whole incident should have ended there.

The situation had run out of steam but you chose to start it all up again.

It happened, now try and forget about it.

[perplexedpirate]

As an aside, I once got told to control my children. The little horrors weren't even mine!
They were running around in a pub while their parents got pissed and I happened to be the nearest adult.
Now that was annoying.

[SauvignonBlanche]

Personally I believe 3 year olds are old enough to be given a bit of freedom in safe environments so they can learn how to behave

I agree, but a cafe is certainly not a 'safe environment' to allow a 3yr old to go free range.

[MalcolmTuckersMum]

Totally not to do with the OP's problem but to Bursar for not one but two brilliant witticisms in one post back there

"Shitting rainbows" - fabulous!

and

"beaming like an electrified corpse" - beyond fabulous.


As you were...........

[Lweji]

You never know when the other person might becom violent.

I was once threatened by a woman of "taking you off that chair" when with my 8 year old.
obviously she didn't expect me to have krav maga training, with my light frame and mild mannered albeit firm attitude in general, plus smart coat and bag, and she could have come out really bad, but I digress

[SoleSource]

YABU

[Elquota]

We all make mistakes! If you were very apologetic he should have accepted this. Sadly, more people are unforgiving these days, which makes the world a worse place.

[themaltesecat]

I feel a bit of sympathy for that man. Your child was ill-behaved, and you were right to make him apologise.

I don't understand why you went back and started haranguing the man again when the incident was closed.

[Ledkr]

The man sounds like a pompous arse.
The croissant was exchanged free of charge and the child was reprimanded so there was no need for him to bear a ridiculous grudge towards it all.
I hate people like this, they seem to go around all indignant and spoiling for a row.
Life really is too short.

[ZZZenagain]

I think you should have left it at the point where you got ds to hold your hand and told him it was not ok to touch the man's food.

You went over and criticised him forbeing rude then told him not to criticise you. A bit weird that.

[PuppyMonkey]

this thread will go into classics won't it?

Croissant Contamination Fury.

Fwiw, I think some people on here are mistaking a small boy wandering over and touching a piece of food with a teenager or adult wandering over and pissing all over it.

[Ledkr]

Op had three dc with her though. Have no e if you ever been in a position where your toddler wriggled free and touched something? Cos I am frequently.

[themaltesecat]

Just saw Bursar's "shitting rainbows" comment upthread.

Bravo!

[Ledkr]

I spend half my life chasing after my 2.5 yr old who is a bolter and I've only got her to keep an eye on.
If you are queuing in a cafe with three kids and a tray I can absolutely see why the 3 yr old managed to do some croissant poking. The op isn't an octopus and let's not forget it was saisburys cafe not the bloody Ivy