Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

[Beatrixpotty]

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

[Eyesunderarock]

Yes, but I like small children and I dislike dogs.
Who knows, the man in the cafe with the contaminated croissant might feel entirely the opposite.

[HeySoulSister]

But it's not ok... To touch food... The 3 year old would at best get mixed messages, at worst think he was 'ok' touching and can do it again

[BadLad]

Nobody is obliged to accept an apology. It sounds like the man realised that the fault was with the OP, more than the child, hence his comment that she should control him.

Then he walks away, content at having made his point, but obviously he has already proved to solarbright that he is a nutter who can't control his temper and flies off the handle at the slightest provocation.

The OP did the right thing in making her son apologise, although it perhaps would have been better to apologise herself. Once it became apparent that the man wasn't satisfied with that, she should have left it.

[pompeii]

This could have been avoided if the OP had kept her child next to her

Well yes if a child is treated like a dog and given no freedom or chance to learn responsibility then it could have been avoided. Personally I believe 3 year olds are old enough to be given a bit of freedom in safe environments so they can learn how to behave, most 3 year olds are able to understand and follow basic instructions, yes they might overstep the boundaries now and again, but that's how they learn.

[Sirzy]

A cafe is not a safe environment to give a child freedom.

[HeySoulSister]

Safe environment? A cafe? Did he have hot tea/coffee on his tray as well as a croissant?

[pigletmania]

Yanbu at all the man was rude, for all you sanctimonious parents don't your children ever put a foot wrong! He got a new croissant fgs. But you should have not gone back to,him and re started te argument

[IWillDoItInAMinute]

So glad it's not just me !! I hate it when dogs do that.

I have only (so far) been told to control my DCS once. I was quite upset about it and did answer back. What made it worse was they were with my DH but the man didn't say anything to him

[pigletmania]

The op did pull her ds up on it ad made him apologise, she was not letting him get away with it!

[Nerfmother]

Depends what the context is. If the lid was charging around being annoying and as part of that wandered over and touched his food then I can see it might have been building. Ds has aspergers and would absolutely freak if some one touched his food. There are lots and lots of people allowed out in public who would have issues with this - their lives are spent dealing with unexpected events, some more upsetting than others. People with OCD, people who avoid children due to ttc, people with allergies - best to suck it up really.

[Nerfmother]

Kid not lid!

[solarbright]

BadLad, I didn't say he was a nutter. I said he was rude. Rude because he was unable to control his temper and responded... rudely.

And yes, you are rather obliged to accept an apology over trivial social faux pas. That be good manners. If the child had rammed him with a shopping trolley in the leg, well, that's a different story. That HURTS.

[ICantRememberWhatSheSaid]

He was rude and grumpy but you should have left it.

I would forget about it

[Dominodonkey]

YAb totally unreasonable.

Your child's behaviour was completely unacceptable. You should have apologised not your child and the man's response (though not polite) was totally true.

To go and abuse a stranger because he didn't accept your child's ridiculous behaviour as ok is incredibly self absorbed and rude. If I had been in the cafe I would have been unable to stop myself telling you that harassing the man was shocking behaviour.

Your original post suggests that you now realise your behaviour may have been OTT, the fact that you are still in doubt astounds me.

[ShellyBoobs]

I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.

Oh the fucking irony! You tell him not to criticise you while criticising him.

To be quite honest, at that point I'd have told you in no uncertain terms to fuck the fuck off out of my face.

When you apologise to someone, there's no obligation for them to accept it; it would be meaningless if it was automatically accepted and would basically mean that any behaviour is acceptable so long as an apology is offered.

The poor man did nothing wrong. It was all you and your child's doing.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

True Pompeii - but random strangers don't have to like it.

[Dominodonkey]

solar Using the wrong cutlery is a 'trivial social faux pas'

someone sticking their fingers in your food is not.

[BadLad]

I suppose I'll have to disagree with you, Solarbright. For me, he most certainly was able to control his temper. He expressed his opinion, and left it at that. Failing to control his temper for me is would mean effing and blinding, and wanting to continue the argument.

And, no, nobody is obliged to be satisfied with an apology. If you offer one, and they aren't satisfied, but they walk away, then you do the same. That is good manners.

[Lweji]

So, the 3 year old was in the queue with a croissant on his tray...
Oh, wait.

Personally, it wouldn't have bothered me, unless the child actually took the croissant.
I tend to be fairly tolerant of children, unless they are really running riot.
Touching a croissant is not that bad, FGS.

Of course apologising doesn't make it all good, but at least the man should have acknowledged the apology and maybe tell the child not to do it again.

Challenging the man could have potentially been dangerous for you, though.

[HeySoulSister]

Why could it have been dangerous?

[BadLad]

Touching a croissant is not that bad, FGS

I don't know. My two-year-old nephew regularly has his fingers up his nose. And I saw him scratching his bum tonight.

Sure, toddlers will be toddlers, but I can see why people might prefer not to have their food touched by toddlers they have never met before.

[Eyesunderarock]

Because anyone who doesn't adore small children is obviously aggressive, insane and potentially violent?
Especially if they are.......male.
Possibly?

[HeySoulSister]

Luckily it was before he paid for it so cafe exchanged it!

[pompeii]

Alisvolatpropiis, nobody has to like anything, but the general idea is that manners help us rub along rather than break into fights every time our personal annoyances trip us up. Ignoring a 3 year old trying to apologise is extremely rude.