Is it right to make a woman feel unclean?

[camel1]

I was saying 'thank you' to a male colleague and touched his upper arm as a reinforcement of that thanks. He recoiled in disgust, his body language, his facial expression and his yelp surprised me so much that I apologised profusely. The incident happened in front of many children, as I am a teacher at a school. And within a minute he had shook hands with a male colleague. Whether it was his intention or not, I felt that he felt I was unclean. I was/am greatly upset by this. I understand that his cultural or religious beliefs does not permit him to touch women, or vice versa. However, I have lived in many different countries and cultures, and I adhered to their cultural rules and would never have reacted in such an offensive way. What do you think?

Onesleep it's nothing to do with feeling people are inferior

I'm still puzzled as to how you got to the "unclean" conclusion. Are you sure that the religion avoids touching because of women being unclean or is it about the risk of being irresistibly attractive? I would have jumped to the second conclusion, which is much less insulting .

Gordy, it actually sometimes is. And in some religions it's an interpretation of their teachings, not a rigid rule. So in some religions some people are choosing this belief.

Gordy, it actually sometimes is. And in some religions it's an interpretation of their teachings, not a rigid rule. So in some religions some people are choosing this belief.

I wonder what the children thought? That you had pinched his arm probably.

He sounds an idiot to be honest, religious beliefs are not a licence to be pig ignorant and rude.

Still if I were you I would tell him how you feel and why did you apologise. If it was me I would be asking him why he yelpt? Have a debate with him if you want to or just ignore him. Up to you.

I think the OP has wound up the thread with her last post a while back so I am not sure that she is still reading this.

I mean this post:
"Thank you for all your comments. It has been very interesting to hear so many points of view, and incredibly helpful. It is clear that not everyone likes to be touched/tapped in appreciation, and I will be very mindful of this. Obviously, avoidance is out of the question, but I will keep an arms length distance when I need to request a task. Thank you again "

Well who cares if she is or isn't, still a fair debate.

If its considered pig ignorant and rude to lightly touch a colleague on the arm then I just despair really.

RP - regardless of the rights and wrongs of the situation, I think my point about it being very depressing how quickly people are to say "go back to your own country" stands.

Certainly people are reading the OP as being in the UK, interacting with a man not from "mainstream" UK culture, hence the confidence they feel in saying, "if you don't like it, leave."

YABU

I don't like anyone coming into my personal space. It has nothing whatsoever to do with religion as I'm an atheist, nor the person being 'unclean'.

I don't think touching people in a work situation is appropriate whether female to male or vice versa.

Weird reaction to the OP on this thread. And plenty of cultural relativism too.

He sounds OTT. How about just observing basic niceties and not freaking out if a fellow human being touches you? It's what a handshake is based on. Unless this happened in the Yemen in which case, depressing but fair enough. Amazing how misogyny gets explained away as "culture doncha know" but a racist reaction would be an abomination.

Next time try a fist bump.

Never ever try a chest bump though. That would be awkward

Revolting peasant I lived in Switzerland too and still have Swiss colleagues. Still get caught out by that triple kiss! No yelping/recoiling though. Just bemusement

Quangle yes! I had been in France previously and had just accustomed myself to the double, when....bam!

Gosh yes, and I do agree. I suppose my point (clumsily made) was more that people are assuming this man has a 'culture' which makes it okay for him to not be touched, ever. The OP make come from a culture where it's normal.

I don't think we're disagreeing, really!

I am that a brief touch on the arm from someone would elicit such drama - only on MN.

Quadrangle - numerous people on here, myself included, have explained that it is not misogyny, but is seen as a form of respect.

Is cultural relativism the new "PC born mad"?

What is respectful about it?

Lots of things are dressed up as respect and empowerment that are quite the reverse.

Yabu to reach the 'unclean' conclusion, when you also mention that his religion does not permit touching/hand shaking with the opposite sex. Unnecessary touching is not allowed in his religion, if he is Muslim, and his reaction was most likely due to your unexpected touch..Though I agree a bit OTT however people react differently when something unexpected happens right?
I really dont think it has anything to do with cleanliness.

Also I am towards the cries about women being inferior or considered unclean etc, you do know the same applies for women too? Fwiw my male colleagues understood I (and my non-religious English friend/colleague) wont do the touching/kissing cheek thing so they never did and respected that. I also dislike women doing the kissing on cheeks and arm linking with me, and that has nothing to do with Religion, just my personal space!

Quadrangle - I am Muslim. That you think you know the "real meaning" of my religious practices, is incredibly patronising and frankly demeaning.

'Once a Saudi Arabian guy refused to shake my hand, quite honestly i should have had more cultural awareness than to proffer it'

If this happened in the UK, he should have had more cultural awareness. In the UK the culturally acceptable way of greeting strangers is to shake hands.

Agree Abra1d