Is it right to make a woman feel unclean?

[camel1]

I was saying 'thank you' to a male colleague and touched his upper arm as a reinforcement of that thanks. He recoiled in disgust, his body language, his facial expression and his yelp surprised me so much that I apologised profusely. The incident happened in front of many children, as I am a teacher at a school. And within a minute he had shook hands with a male colleague. Whether it was his intention or not, I felt that he felt I was unclean. I was/am greatly upset by this. I understand that his cultural or religious beliefs does not permit him to touch women, or vice versa. However, I have lived in many different countries and cultures, and I adhered to their cultural rules and would never have reacted in such an offensive way. What do you think?

Just caught up with the end of the thread, and it seems clear from the op that he did not want to be touched, lightly even, in a friendly, non-sexual way, by her because she is a woman. That is the bit that is wrong. I do understand if he does not like touch, and that in itself is valid enough reason to request no touching in the future.
But apparently it became clear afterwards that the reason he would not tolerate a woman to touch him was his religious beliefs. Which makes him a tosser, and his reaction is not defensible.
I'm all liberal, but certain things are just wrong regardless of culture/religion or any such things. The examples are many and not always related to gender, though in this case it seems it is.

Agree crumbled and Sir.

Sorry hoppin whatever your beliefs it is NOT ok to be rude to people who are being perfectly nice, and to have unpleasant, visible, active reactions, discriminating between the sexes, to what is perfectly normal behaviour.

So Hoppin if we believe its how the op says, and why would we think she lied? Do you think his reaction was bloody rude or not then?

And sorry please explain how all women or all men are 'unclean' what does that even mean and if you believe it as a muslim woman can you explain.

"pawing"? you're just making it out to be something it isn't - it was a pat on the arm

if it's not because of religious beliefs then there's something weird about an extreme reaction to the pat on the arm - really, really weird

Agree, crumbled.

However, may I enter two qualifications to the whole reacting-to-uninvited-touch thing? Dh is seriously jumpy about being touched on his side, where his waist is. If someone prods him there, he does yelp and he does jump. It's an automatic reaction - I get it, ds gets it, anyone who prods him gets it. (We try to avoid it but occasionally happens by accident.) IIRC he doesn't look disgusted but he does look shocked and affronted. It's just a personal quirk.

Have just remembered I have a bad reaction to being touched on my palm. I think it's almost a phobia - I find it really horrid and upsetting even thinking about it, let alone it happening. Not holding hands, but anyone prodding my palm. I would possibly yelp if someone prodded my palm but I would explain, not act as if I was in the right and the other person had done something wrong. Same for dh. We wouldn't walk off leaving the prodder confused and worried.

Yes that's the thing. You might react but then you say - I'm afraid I just can't bear that, you explain and make things ok. Especially in a professional environment. A handshake with a pat on the arm is quite normal, a small touch on the arm is normal, these are arms not inner thighs.

Sorry zzz completely disagree.

Well I don't think it's a particularly good idea to touch people of either sex in any way if you don't know them very well. Shaking hands is different as that is acceptable in our culture.

You'd know a colleague well enough for a pat on the arm.

I vaguely recall being on a course many years ago where they actually suggested touching people on the arm as a non-threatening way of making contact.

I thought the course leader was barking.

It's quite an American thing I think.

Oh my gosh - I didn't realise this thread was about me patting people on the arm at work. UUUUUUMMMM I don't. But if someone did it to me I wouldn't jump a foot in the air and make them feel like shit. I still disagree with you.

camel1. I dont think you will be coming back onto the thread, but you will probably carry on reading it.
He wasnt being personal to you. He would have done that to any woman. And you knew that his religion wouldnt allow it.
So I dont get why you did it.

I dont know what religion you are.
Perhaps none.

My body, my choice of who touches me where and how. Gender, germphobia, colour, religion, personal quirks, culture, history of abuse and nationality do not come into it.

My body, my choice. If you do not want people to react unfavorably, do not touch them without their permission.

Yam, why would the op know his religion or that he objected so much to a tap on the arm that he yelped.

I had no idea of this 'unclean idea' until I read it here today.

He sounds a prat who needs to alter his mysygonistic ideas actually.

Zzzzx, there are certain parts of a body that agree its strange to touch or sexual, an arm pat isn't this Is it?

If a person dislike human contact that much you may need to seek help with this in case someone collapses at work and needs help or simply trips and falls into another person.

Thinking people are unclean is nasty. Irreligious is not an excuse or reason, its just nasty.

Of course I don't particularly like it either but wouldn't yelp and jump.

That's mental.

"If a person dislikes human contact that much you may need to seek help"

absolutely