to wonder if putting our children first is always wise?

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

I like to start a discussion I in the morning and then go to work so I have something to pop in on during the day.

Ok, the other day I felt guilty because I was physically exhausted and so blew off sports day in order to rest before a busy evening ferrying kids about.

I felt guilty because I felt like it's wrong not to suffer any inconvenience or discomfort for even the most trivial of my children's pleasure. I "should" suck it up and stand around in the cold watching races just so my kids see me there. But, why? How is it really good for an exhausted mother with aching feet to do this? Isn't it better for mum to be rested and happy at tea time?

Obviously, some things are so important that you carry on, regardless. I didn't cancel a client in order to rest: the money is important to the family. And, if the event had been something truly important, then it would be a different matter. I would stand cold and aching if it was truly important to the child's well being.

I see a lot of threads on here from exhausted, miserable mums who are burnt out and resentful about their lives. Is some of that due to prioritising the family over their own well being?

I think being there for the boring day to day stuff is more important actually. Kids seem to have a much more generalised memory of their childhoods rather than fixing on one particular day.

None of my dc are particularly sporty, at least not in the sports day disciplines. I went to the first few ones, then stopped for a bit and went to the year 6 ones.
We talked about it, they were not bothered.
(yesterday morning my daughter told me it's Sports Day, I asked if she wants me to come - she said: God, NO )

I go to every concert one of them plays in (or dh), have never missed a single one in years (quite a few concerts per term). I love to hear them play.
And that is what matters to them.

Well yes I do think its rubbish. If they have the talent they will do it with the right support. I just mean that having kids does not automatically mean that you can or do earn a mega salary to support their aspirations, nor that you sacrifice yourself entirely for their potential. The other poster seemed to be suggesting that you should earn more.

Being tired shouldn't be part and parcel of being parent if you have NT school-aged children. I am frequently tired but that is part and parcel of not really going to bed early enough.

I do pick and choose what I turn up to. I'm happy enough to help out with school plays - even ones my kids aren't in. Sports days, not so much. They were enough of a nightmare when I had to go. I have flashbacks of having to wear navy knickers and an aertex shirt.

My ds1 isn't particularly sporty.
But he likes sport and enjoys sports day.
He came first in welly wanging and second in the hurdles.
I came fourth in the mums race and my dad joined in the tug of war (much to ds1s delight)
I don't see any of that as a sacrifice tbh.

Argh, yes, giant school PE knickers! (Did everyone have navy or was I at your school, MI?)

Luis, if one of my children had what it takes to someday win Wimbledon, the "right support" would be very intensive. And expensive. I don't pay a lot of attention to sports, but I know that the parents of Andy Murray, Tiger Woods, Lewis Hamilton, the Williams sisters, and others are often talked about in terms of how much they did for the champions when they were quite young.

And, I do believe my oldest son would have a better shot at Oxbridge if I gave it some welly. I do feel guilty about not trying harder and just settling for the local state school.

I don't fault my own mum for not doing more; it did bother me that what she did do, she did in a kind of half-assed way. Basically, I think it's quality over quantity. Better to be really engaged in the stuff you do than try to do every single thing.

I think you are being too hard on yourself Katy

I went to my son's sports day and he ignored me... later admitted my presence embarrassed him.

Every year at sports day I have to comfort YR/Y1 and sometimes Y2 children when their parents don't come. I work in a school.

No, it doesn't do them any long term damage and they will get over it quickly enough. But why make them feel that disappointment and sadness while all their friends are having a great time if you don't have to?

I appreciate sometime parents have work commitments that simply can't be rearranged, but to be really honest, I'd think a healthy parent was very selfish if they felt the need to rest just because they had to make dinner and do a bit of driving their kids around that evening.

Generally agree with you. However, sports days a biggie in my mind admits to leaving after half an hour because it was freezing

I am going to my ds sports day,my mum never used to come to anything like that and it always felt a bit crap,everyone elses mum used to go.

but un general sometimes you need to put yourself first so that everyone else benefits,but in this case yabu.

I think it's important to look after your own health, your children cannot be the centre of everything all the time.

However, if my child had indicated to me that they would like me to attend sports day, if I was well I would go. Being tired doesn't cut the mustard for me. I'm afraid it just sounds lazy.

Same here amber.
I go to everything that I feasibly can as I remember what it feels like being the only kids with no family there.
If I can't make it ( been il recently sadly) then other family members go in my place.

Reminds me of parents I know who insist on going to all three shows that little Burts.. It's the same show..no way I'm watching it more than once.

My DD's school has broken down her (all day) sports day into events and she has told me which event she wants me to see, the one she feels she is best at I'm guessing so that's the one I'm going to aim for not sure if to her schools do this though?

Oh I must be really baaaad... Bunked of certificate giving the other week becauseI couldn't be arsed i was tired.

I'm ok with not having gone. Grandma was there, I had told them that I wouldn't, and there weren't many parents there, according to my son.

I just think it's interesting to see how other people think about it.

As for tired not being a good enough reason, I think tired varies from situation to situation, and person to person. For me, throbbing feet and aching back is good enough. Others might have higher or lower threshold.

It's like when a friend of my mine says childbirth isn't that painful so why do people make a big deal about it? Maybe her experience is different or maybe she just feels very strongly that no pain is so great as to risk anything to the baby.

If I die and go to hell I will find myself at a school sports day that never ends. Dd spent all of about 5 minutes on the field and the rest of 3 hours sitting by the fence. It's a form of institutional torture.

I would say throbbing feet and aching back is being in pain, not being tired. Different things. I'd probably put being in pain under the 'ill' category.

Comelywench, to me, that's tired. My feet hurt and elbow ache every day. But, on Monday I was extra tired.

I'm tired today, but I could manage to stand around bored without it being torture.