fedupofnamechanging · 24/06/2013 10:23
You need a joint bank account where all money goes, so he no longer thinks of it as his to share or not, as he sees fit, but as joint, family money.
You also need to kick him in the nuts (either physically or metaphorically) for saying such a crass, wankerish thing to his partner and mother of his children!
If this is a one off then a frank discussion might resolve things. If it isn't then you need to start looking for a job and making him change his life so he can do his 50% child care and housework.
SolidGoldBrass · 24/06/2013 10:25
Doesn't sound good but what was the money for? Was it the housekeeping money that he pays in regularly (eg when his salary is paid to him)? In which case why should you be 'grateful' for money that is going to be spent on food for the family and paying the bills?
It might be different if (for instance) it was extra money paid in for you to treat yourself/extra money because you had overspent. How are things between you generally?
ineedcheesecake · 24/06/2013 10:32
I had complained about me having to pay for all the birthday/Xmas cards and presents, clothes out of the 'housekeeping' (what year is this??!!) while he was able to save money in a separate account - which I didn't know had any money in. Joint account - somehow I cannot see him agreeing to that ...
redskyatnight · 24/06/2013 10:34
I don't see anything wrong in being grateful for what each other does. In his case he goes out to work and earns money that keeps the household going ... does he feel taken for granted?
I'd also expect him to be grateful for you looking after the DC/cooking meals/keeping the house clean [delete as appropriate]
fedupofnamechanging · 24/06/2013 10:39
Are you married?
You will be up shit creek if you are not and he decides one day to leave you. As things stand, he has all the advantages of family life, but is making none of the sacrifices or committing to you in any meaningful way.
You should never have agreed to this and if he won't share what he earns then you need to be looking to extricate yourself from such an unfair and oppressive relationship.
MistyB · 24/06/2013 10:52
Thank him for going to work in the morning and earning money for the family and thank him again when he comes home.
Prepare an invoice for child care and household duties including counseling, taxi driving, personal shopper, the obvious cook, cleaner, nanny, but add in child development professional, specialist lego building consultant, professional artist, special fees for facilitated play / baking sessions, tutor sessions etc. Have a separate section for out of pocket additional expenses so it is clear that these are not covered by your fees!!
Hopefully he will see the funny side and see how ridiculous his comment was.
AnyFucker · 24/06/2013 10:57
I hope you have maintained the possibility of returning to your career, should you need to
SAHM is a fabulous idea. If you are not married to a sexist, selfish, resentful man, of course. Or should I say the kind of man that expects you to be "grateful" and would have a dicky fit at the idea of a joint account.
Theselittlelightsofmine · 24/06/2013 10:59
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
IneedAsockamnesty · 24/06/2013 11:02
I wouldn't have a joint account with anybody no matter how much I trusted them,I just wouldn't do it.
But I would also never expect anybody to take over the home side aspect of my life without providing them with a decent wage for doing so nor would I expect them to thank me for being reasonable.
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