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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP working sudden over-time - aibu?

80 replies

SisterTax · 24/06/2013 09:48

Been with DP two years. In all that time he's never worked overtime. He's always worked 7.30am - 4.30pm monday to Thursday and 7.30 - 11.30 on a Friday. Always.

Then we get a house together and all of a sudden he has to work overtime. He's now working until 6.30pm Monday to thursday and now working Saturday mornings. He has his kids every saturday night so since moving in together they've had to get used to spending every weekend with me too. They're great kids (aged 16 and 18) and I'm lucky that they're so good ..... very lucky infact because DP is now working Sunday mornings too! How come before he always used to say he'd never arrange anything on a weekend or work weekends because it's his time with his kids yet all of a sudden he's working saturdays AND sundays (leaving me looking after his kids, youngest is disabled).

I'm also becomming paranoid because he's stopped wearing his work uniform. Ever since I've known him he's worn a navy blue company polo shirt for work - all last week he wore a normal black t-shirt and this morning, despite his work shirt being washed and ironed - he specifically looked for a different t-shirt to wear. I asked him how come he no longer wears his uniform, he said it's optional and plus he doesn't want to look like a "pog" wearing the same shirt every day. It's not bothered him for the past couple of years!!

AIBU??

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 24/06/2013 09:49

I would be paranoid too, honestly.

Feminine · 24/06/2013 09:52

Have you incurred lots of costs with moving?

Can you check his work slips?

qme · 24/06/2013 09:52

so you have to be at home with his kids as he works without asking you first?

BinarySolo · 24/06/2013 09:53

Have you bought a house together? Could he be doing it for extra money if finances are a bit stretched?

Leverette · 24/06/2013 09:55

This reply has been deleted

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hellsbellsmelons · 24/06/2013 09:57

I'd be paranoid too.
Is he more secretive with his phone?
This is ringing big, fat alarm bells for me!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/06/2013 09:59

The overtime wouldn't twang my idea of 'norm' but the t-shirt change would. If he's worn a work one for years why would he change that?

Flobbadobs · 24/06/2013 10:00

I would have thought that if he was up to something he would have at least taken his work shirt to cover his tracks tbh.
However it does sound like he's taking the piss leaving you to look after his children who presumably want to spend time with their Father, even though they get on so well with you, it's not actually you they've come to see! (Not sure I put that right, hopefully you know what I mean).

Original poster
SisterTax · 24/06/2013 10:02

It's all a big odd, he reckons his salary includes over-time, it's just that they've never had to do it before so they were getting paid for it, without actually working it. This kind of checked out when we applied for the mortgage as the overtime is down as "banked hours" and the mortgage company wanted written proof that he got that consistently and it wasn't just when he worked over-time iyswim? He supposedly gets paid £100 extra for working the Sundays but I won't see that until the next pay slip.
Finances are not that stretched. We have a budget worked out and we're ok.
Another thing that is weird is that he tells me he's too busy to text/call etc whilst at work yet his ipad at home constantly flashes up with ebay/facebook messages to which he's replying to on his phone at work. Sunday he was having a full on conversation with someone via his phone - I know because the ipad is connected to his phone and it all flashes up when he's active.

OP posts:
Original poster
SisterTax · 24/06/2013 10:07

He is more secretive with his phone, definitely. He used to leave it lying around all over, now it's always in his jeans pocket. He took it into the bath with him last night but of course, used the excuse that it was just in his jeans pocket which he happened to take off in the bathroom. He used to leave it charging all over the house - now I don't see it getting charged so he must only charge it when he's sat next to a charge point.
Saying that though, paranoia got the better of me and I checked his phone thoroughly when I did manage to get hold of it and it was totally clean. Even the internet history (and the iphone secret internet history store, I'm a geek - I know about these things) so even if he'd cleared his history, anything dodgy would be in there.

And yeah, he just leaves his poor kids with me. He used to make out that he was a dedicated dad and they had such fun on a weekend together - all I see is the youngest sits watching tv all weekend and the eldest is in his room all night. And now with him working Sunday mornings too - they just have me for company.

OP posts:
Flobbadobs · 24/06/2013 10:07

In that case I would be very tempted to look at the ipad...

sparechange · 24/06/2013 10:08

Paranoid is being suspicious for no good reason. You have plenty of reason...

Can you phone him at home, or drive past his place of work to see if his car is there?
It all sounds a bit strange

Feminine · 24/06/2013 10:10

With your latest up-dates, I'd guess he was up to no good.

Its way too many things. I'm really sorry sister

Original poster
SisterTax · 24/06/2013 10:13

The ipad is 100% clean - he wouldn't be stupid enough to do anything on there as it's left with me all day whilst he's at work and I tend to use it just as much as he does.

What I'm paranoid about is that he's got something going on with someone actually at work. I mean, that would explain the over-time plus the sudden interest in dressing nicer. I mean, if he had something going on out of work - would it really take place so early on a sunday morning? if he suddenly decided he was working Saturday nights then yeah - it would seem more feasible.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/06/2013 10:14

I don't believe that his salary includes overtime at all, OP. I audit companies sometimes and when I look at their policies, one of the specific questions I ask is about remuneration and confirm that overtime is paid as a separate stated amount, clearly documented and that working hours for that overtime are indicated.

I don't believe a word of what he's saying. That statement of his is purely to explain away the extra money that you aren't seeing.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/06/2013 10:16

x-posted with you, Sister. It may not be a work colleague at all. No uniform, no evidence of overtime earned... he could be anywhere at all, couldn't he? So sorry.

qme · 24/06/2013 10:31

towards the bottom of this thread is advice on how to check someone's iPhone for messages/emails

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1783513-I-believe-in-my-instinct-re-DH-is-lying

I don't own iPhone so Idon't want to mislead and just copy&paste

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/06/2013 10:36

Its very odd,I would be confused as well

IvanaCake · 24/06/2013 10:46

He automatically gets paid over time but
doesnt have to work it? That's clearly bullshit op. Sorry.

redskyatnight · 24/06/2013 10:50

What's his job? Is it the sort of job where there might be occasional peaks of work (e.g. IT before new implementation where you might well not have seen it even in 2 years)

My salary includes the expectation that it covers ?overtime as required? ? I don?t think it?s that odd. The reality is I might go months with doing no overtime and then be working overtime every day for a month.
What is DP?s explanation for why there?s suddenly lots of overtime required ? surely he has come up with one?

I?d actually be inclined to believe him, if only because if it were something like an affair, he would have to be truly stupid to go from always being home at x hours to NEVER being home then and expecting you not to notice!

Cherriesarelovely · 24/06/2013 10:54

Sorry Op what a difficult situation for you. This sounds really, really suspect though. What is your instnct telling you about the relationship in general?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/06/2013 10:55

redsky... but then if you had to actually do the overtime, you'd be paid for it, wouldn't you? Or do you have to suck it up in your salary?

mrsjay · 24/06/2013 10:57

has he maybe got a second job and not telling you ? it does sound a bit iffy though

Umlauf · 24/06/2013 11:00

Have you tried ringing his work number with an emergency question you need the answer for straight away, to check he's where he says he is? Not his mobile (say it didn't connect) but the actual workplace?