DP working sudden over-time - aibu?

[SisterTax]

Been with DP two years. In all that time he's never worked overtime. He's always worked 7.30am - 4.30pm monday to Thursday and 7.30 - 11.30 on a Friday. Always.

Then we get a house together and all of a sudden he has to work overtime. He's now working until 6.30pm Monday to thursday and now working Saturday mornings. He has his kids every saturday night so since moving in together they've had to get used to spending every weekend with me too. They're great kids (aged 16 and 18) and I'm lucky that they're so good ..... very lucky infact because DP is now working Sunday mornings too! How come before he always used to say he'd never arrange anything on a weekend or work weekends because it's his time with his kids yet all of a sudden he's working saturdays AND sundays (leaving me looking after his kids, youngest is disabled).

I'm also becomming paranoid because he's stopped wearing his work uniform. Ever since I've known him he's worn a navy blue company polo shirt for work - all last week he wore a normal black t-shirt and this morning, despite his work shirt being washed and ironed - he specifically looked for a different t-shirt to wear. I asked him how come he no longer wears his uniform, he said it's optional and plus he doesn't want to look like a "pog" wearing the same shirt every day. It's not bothered him for the past couple of years!!

AIBU??

Hang on he's buggering off and leaving you to deal with his kids and then having a go at you for not 'pulling your weight"?
Can you speak to the boys mum yourself? However well you get on woth the DC's I can't imagine Mum being happy about your DP not looking after his own children.
I think you need to fling the grillpan at his head have stern words with him now about exactly what he is doing to you and his DC's.

It is not a tangent.

It is relevant.

You are not happy. His children are not happy. Your children are not happy. Your studies are suffering already.

What are you going to do? Please contact your lender to know your options. From here, it does not look good.

You have every right to feel fed up and totally taken for granted. Have you told him you are not happy with looking after his kids each weekend especially when he is 'choosing" to be at work? It's not on, none of it is ok as far as I can see.

No OP YANBU

Either he's up to no good, or he's a lazy-arsed selfish twonk. Neither is good

Is he a builder? Sounds like it. Are you sure he hasn't lost his regular job and has started working contracts instead and doesn't want to tell you?

It could well be that he's working for a different company who now want overtime but hasn't told you that he lost the previous job. Also if it's less well paid he might be needing the weekends too.

Don't assume it's an affair, he could be hiding a redundancy or change of job too. Would you be very worried about the finances if that was the case?

Sorry but this would set alarm bells ringing for me too.
Definitely try and check his FB messages x

I'd be looking at options to get myself and my kids out of there.
None of it is sounding good at all.
What do you get from this relationship now?
Certainly not respect.
Or sex
Or help
Or happiness
Or love
Sit down and write out all the pros and cons and then make your decision and then look into how you get out!

Um, regardless of what he's actually up to, I don't know why you would stay and put up with this bullshit.

Is he for real????

You and your children would be far better off on your own, it sounds like.

And yes, do talk to the boys' mother. that's really not on.

Do you know his apple password? Find my iPhone is a great little app...!

Yes neighbourhood I know the password! tell me more - what do I need to do?

Sister - he's a useless fucking tool. Why on earth would you put up with it? My partner works more hours than I do...if he comes home to a sink full of dishes or whatever he doesn't even bat an eyelid. Likewise, when I come off shift at the weekend and there is still laundry to be done I don't have a go at him. Between us we get it done in the end, that's all that matters.

Christ, why people put themselves in these situations is beyond me.

He could have a second phone
He could be using WhatsApp

His facebook is clean but he hardly uses facebook anyway.
Whatsapp was clean last time I checked.
He has a works phone which I've checked and was also clean.

Stop sleuthing and speak to him. Sit him down. Tell him "You're quite right, something needs to be one about this laziness about the house. YOURS. Here is what I do. Here is what you do. As you can see you are clearly lacking and leaving me to pick up your messes, including providing free childcare for your children. From now on x, y, z will happen".

X, y and z need to include deciding between you if one partner is going to work out of the home more, thus leaving more housework/childcare to the other, and a talk about priorities and how his behaviour impacts you and his family.

Also:

How come before he always used to say he'd never arrange anything on a weekend or work weekends because it's his time with his kids yet all of a sudden he's working saturdays AND sundays (leaving me looking after his kids, youngest is disabled).

I'd hazard a guess its because before he need to impress you with what an amazing hands-on super dad he is, and now he doesn't need to bother. After all, you're there to do that shit now.

You aren't paranoid - he does treat you as a servant now that he's got his feet under the table.

Find My IPhone is a bloody wonder.

I've just set myself up with it and located both my iphone and his ipad in the matter of seconds (it brings the location up on a map). Best bit is that it doesn't notify the phone/ipad you are trying to locate so they're non the wiser.

I shall set it up on his phone at the next opportunity and next time we words odd hours - I shall "find my iphone" his arse.

Why bother? Is everything going to be ok if he is actually at work (fat chance, sorry)
Your problems with him go way, way beyond him lying about his whereabouts!
Just suppose that he is not lying, however unlikely that is. Would that make his behaviour acceptable? No, of course not

It does sound a bit odd.

As mentioned, have you done the spotlight search/search my iphone? On mine you just swipe to the left on the home screen and type a letter or word into the search box and it brings up all the texts and emails (even if deleted) that had it in. You can only read the first few words but often that is enough.

Why the sleuthing?

Everything you describe is valid i its iwn right without proving infedility or something else.

blimey... that doesnt sound good at all! sorry i dont really have any advice apart from ask him.

leaving you with his children every weekend is really shitty. does he actually do anything at home? housework? cook? he cant have a go at you if he does bugger all at home

Oh sister :(

I suppose all this fannying about is easier to deal with than the actual problem.

And you don't just go out leaving the kids you tell him in advance that he has to make other arrangements for next weekend as you are busy.

bump xx