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Original poster

To not want a career? (Serious)

440 replies

MustWakeUp · 23/06/2013 11:32

Hi all,

I know it's not a very pc thing to say these days and my parents who are oxbridge educated high achievers are baffled by my 'low ambitions' (anything that isn't law/med/finance = low ambitions and future of mediocrity to them). I understand that this isn't the opinion of most women, but this is just how I feel.

I've never had this burning ambition to be a career woman - I finished my A levels last summer and got 4 A*'s in maths, further maths, physics & art so it's not that I'm not academic. I loved school and I love learning but I just don't want a career. When we had careers advisors come into our school from about yr 9-yr 13 they would tell me about all the different things I could work as for e.g. accountant, actuary, physicist, economist and so on, but the problem was they all just sounded dead boring. I have shadowed plenty of my parents friends in all sorts of science-y and numerate jobs and I honestly don't know how they do it. It is just not suited to me at all.

My parents are only concerned with £££ and prestige. I'm a good painter & I write poetry and I've sold a few of my paintings and had some of my poems published and now my parents (mum especially) are pushing me to do more & more & more, they are turning something I enjoy and find relaxing into a money generating passionless thing.

What I would love to do with my life more than anything is travel the world doing odd jobs the way I'm doing now and then settle down at 25ish & have my own family & be a SAHM but still continue with my painting and poetry.

Since finishing my A-levels I've been doing that (sort of) - I temp for a 2-3 months and sell a few paintings, then I travel for as long as my money will last, when I run out of cash I come back for another 2-3 months and temp and paint again...I have seen the most beautiful sights and met the most fascinating and oddest people during this last year and I love my life the way it is now....I am free to go where I please and do what I want, I have no one to answer to at all! I wake up everyday feeling so happy and chill. But the trouble is my parents see me as squandering my 'potential' and have now recruited my aunts, uncles, ex-form tutors even my preacher!!!! to talk some 'sense' into me and to tell me that I need to apply for university and stop living 'like a dirty hippie' Hmm and I'm beginning to have doubts myself.....(not about uni, would love to be in higher education someday - but university will always be there!)

so tell me MN, is it BU for some people to just not be interested in the rat race and the corporate world and careers in general? I mean surely, some people just want different things?

OP posts:
noddyholder · 24/06/2013 20:13

Live back with parents

MissBetseyTrotwood · 24/06/2013 20:15

Get a profession then make your decision.

I'm jobbing in my profession at the moment for a.) my mental health and b.) pension but if I wanted to turn it back into a career the opportunities would exist. I reached a point in my life where work was way more interesting and de stressing than the other options that were open for me.

internationallove985 · 24/06/2013 20:17

Yes okay foster carers do a good job, granted. However they are paid a lot of money, and very deservingly I don't doubt.
I know children who are in foster care, their mum was an addict and yes of course the children had to be moved. No argument there! but those same kids are always getting taken on holiday and I'm not talking about camping in Wales but Disney world Florida. The women is now clean which should be aplauded, but her children are in long term foster care. However I'd be lying if said I wasn't somewhat bitter and jealous on behalf of my own child that her children have got everything because she made a mistake. I can't just take my daughter away and I am a hard working single mum.
However on the flip side those poor children are not with their mum, are they, I bet they would give up their holidays to be back with their mum.

I will not post on this thread again as I do not particulary want to start a war and nor do I want to hijack the thread as it doesn't belong to me. However I will be lurking to see if there are times when I have to speak my mind.

musickeepsmesane · 24/06/2013 20:31

Those children don't have everything. They don't have their mum. What would your DD choose - disney or you?????????

MorrisZapp · 24/06/2013 20:32

That Jarvis Cocker song boils my piss, lyrically. As a tune I love it of course.

Seems to me that if oh so clever and poor Jarvy Boy finds the trustafarian heiress type to be so deeply tedious he can feel free to not shag her.

But let me guess, she was hot as fuck. So get yer leg over my son, then slag her off to your mates and indeed every corduroy wearer and Radio 2 listener who'll have you.

internationallove985 · 24/06/2013 20:35

I have to say i agree with you Musickeepsmesane. Of course my D.D would rather have me rather than a fancy holiday but I did state that in my original post. xx

musickeepsmesane · 24/06/2013 20:43

It is nice you agree with me. Not sure how much that means when you contradict yourself so well.

noddyholder · 24/06/2013 20:48

Grin morris

wordfactory · 24/06/2013 20:50

Shock at noddy's comment that these young people come back home.

Eyes door. Buys new lock!!!

internationallove985 · 24/06/2013 20:51

No musickeepsmesane. I don't contradict myself. My original thoughts still stand. I do feel somewhat bitter at times, I'll be honest. Just because I agree with you and I can see things from all sides, that doesn't mean I disagree with myself. I am not going to say "I didn't mean what I said", I wrote it. Must have meant it. xx

wordfactory · 24/06/2013 20:54

I also want to say foster carers get paid around £150 a week, which is to cover all living expenses too.

Hardly raking it in, considering how hard a job it is.

scottishmummy · 24/06/2013 20:59

I'd have been too affronted to return home after uni.wasn't an option
but then I've never fannied about going on oversea jollys,or gap years
I have limited time for that mc angst.always seems so indulgent

musickeepsmesane · 24/06/2013 21:03

Actually wordfactory foster carers can be paid more than that. I am. I don't think international is as random as she seems Hmm

I do specialist care and get paid accordingly. I also 'indulge' my children with holidays, toys and lots and lots of care and attention. I also know how much they suffer being away from their families and the levels of support they need. I also know that sometimes I have work 24 hours a day and for 2 years went to bed during schooltime.......
Extreme parenting it is called

Boomba · 24/06/2013 21:04

i like your posts a lot scottishmummy

34DD · 24/06/2013 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocoluvva · 24/06/2013 21:34

34DD - the OP works. She had a job in the day and an evening bar shift apparently.

Spending a lot of money on your child's education won't guarantee that they will then choose to follow the same lifestyle as you.

The OP hasn't said she wants to do nothing. Opting out of a high-powered career doesn't necessarily mean that you're lazy.

34DD · 24/06/2013 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formicadinosaur · 24/06/2013 22:07

I think you shouldn't study for anything unless driven in that area. Yes lots if people take up a career post kids, once they are at school. it is easier to study pre kids though as childcare and home study time isn't an issue. Life is so much more complex when they arrive. Wonderful too.

formicadinosaur · 24/06/2013 22:09

Anyway, you only finished your studies last year and do really you are just having an extended gap year

chocoluvva · 24/06/2013 22:20

I live off my DH (well, I do a small amount of part-time work). He subsidises me. I do recognise that we're lucky to be able to afford this lifestyle - although things are now getting more and more tight.

My DH and I would rather have less income but more leisure time and less stress than two full-time jobs and the hectic lifestyle that would accompany it.

He benefits from having more time. He's supporting me financially and I'm supporting him by doing almost all of the housework etc. We like this arrangement - I can manage my time the way that suits me, I'm always available for the DC, I don't have a commute to work, don't have the stress of working deadlines etc.

It's old-fashioned, but so what? I'm lucky to have this choice. If DH were to leave me I'd be in trouble, but I'm willing to take the risk.

My only regret is that I didn't travel more when I was at uni. People are advising the OP to be self- sufficient so she doesn't regret her lack of choices/income when she's older. But that works both ways, I wish I'd seen more of the world when I was younger and healthier. You're only young once.

Choosing to have adventures and freedom over a career doesn't make you immoral. It might not work out, but there's a risk with everything we do.

Onetwo34 · 24/06/2013 22:44

When I was 21 I had a 27 year old boyfriend earning six figures. I met him on ICQ.
He had nice teeth.

chocoluvva · 24/06/2013 22:46

What's ICQ?

encyclogirl · 24/06/2013 22:49

What's ICQ?

ilovesooty · 24/06/2013 23:27

An instant messaging/chat room thing, I think.

morethanpotatoprints · 24/06/2013 23:39

Your post is so refreshing and poetry to the ears.

I am living my dream and consider myself so lucky. It too doesn't have a career, and I have been a sahm for over 20 years. It is been/ and still is a privilege to have so much time with the family.

If you can find a partner with similar aspirations to yours, manage to live on a relatively small income as a high earning "normal" man probably wouldn't be for you. It certainly wasn't for me. If you think in terms of needs and not wants, then you will be happy.
Good luck to you, follow your dream and be confident in your ability. Grin