To not want a career? (Serious)

[MustWakeUp]

Hi all,

I know it's not a very pc thing to say these days and my parents who are oxbridge educated high achievers are baffled by my 'low ambitions' (anything that isn't law/med/finance = low ambitions and future of mediocrity to them). I understand that this isn't the opinion of most women, but this is just how I feel.

I've never had this burning ambition to be a career woman - I finished my A levels last summer and got 4 A*'s in maths, further maths, physics & art so it's not that I'm not academic. I loved school and I love learning but I just don't want a career. When we had careers advisors come into our school from about yr 9-yr 13 they would tell me about all the different things I could work as for e.g. accountant, actuary, physicist, economist and so on, but the problem was they all just sounded dead boring. I have shadowed plenty of my parents friends in all sorts of science-y and numerate jobs and I honestly don't know how they do it. It is just not suited to me at all.

My parents are only concerned with £££ and prestige. I'm a good painter & I write poetry and I've sold a few of my paintings and had some of my poems published and now my parents (mum especially) are pushing me to do more & more & more, they are turning something I enjoy and find relaxing into a money generating passionless thing.

What I would love to do with my life more than anything is travel the world doing odd jobs the way I'm doing now and then settle down at 25ish & have my own family & be a SAHM but still continue with my painting and poetry.

Since finishing my A-levels I've been doing that (sort of) - I temp for a 2-3 months and sell a few paintings, then I travel for as long as my money will last, when I run out of cash I come back for another 2-3 months and temp and paint again...I have seen the most beautiful sights and met the most fascinating and oddest people during this last year and I love my life the way it is now....I am free to go where I please and do what I want, I have no one to answer to at all! I wake up everyday feeling so happy and chill. But the trouble is my parents see me as squandering my 'potential' and have now recruited my aunts, uncles, ex-form tutors even my preacher!!!! to talk some 'sense' into me and to tell me that I need to apply for university and stop living 'like a dirty hippie' and I'm beginning to have doubts myself.....(not about uni, would love to be in higher education someday - but university will always be there!)

so tell me MN, is it BU for some people to just not be interested in the rat race and the corporate world and careers in general? I mean surely, some people just want different things?

Nowadays degrees really are 2 a penny. Most of my mates grad children who are back home are working in bars etc not one has a 'proper' job even though they mostly have firsts. They aren't bothered either seem a lot less ambitious than years ago. They all wan to travel and work in bars etc and seem non plusher by careers property etc. my ds is about to go and while I am happy for him I can't help feeling its a waste of money

Noddy...I agree.
I think "uni" is a concept now...a rite of passage.
Kids seem to have forgotten what it's for

Is def not held in the high regard it used to be. Especially by the students themselves. It is as you say a rite of passage the next step in a conveyor belt style education system and a life choice that happens to come after 6th form and/or a year out. A lot of parents who didn't go themselves are blinded by it in some ways and the power it has to secure a good job, n certain subjects it does but most teens I speak to really don't give a fig forint apart from it means 3 years of no work and living with matesetc. I swear listening to ds and co they think they are going on an extended holiday while they decide what to do next. They live for the holidays and seem disinterested in the actual work.my sons closest mate is going as he got the grades and fancies the lifestyle he has 5 a levels top grades but says in truth he wants to be a chef

rat race -as in solvent,in a career,and in secure employment?
growing up and being first in family to go uni I couldn't wait join so called rat race
calling it rat race is something comfy middle classes can do.i see you don't object to dp in rat race,to finance your pottery etc

I think it's fine if you are fine with it and not a burden to anyone else. In general though you should ask yourself how you will make a contribution to society in general, if that is important to you? It's an unfashionable question but I don't understand why - surely we should all be making whatever contribution we can to improve the world? Not saying you don't do that, but just that you should be at peace with that question.

That's what I mean noddy...surely your sons friend would be better going to Paris or Italy to learn how to cook?
One of my Dhs friends got a 3rd in engineering...he admits freely he partied for 3 years and worked for 2 months.
He is still paying off the loans (and will be for some time) and is now a deputy manager at an aldi.
What on earth was the point?
Tbh I will not be encouraging my dc to go to uni unless they have a definite career in mind. I don't see the point otherwise.

Badvoc wasn't it always thus?

When I went in ye olden days, we all loved the freedom. The lack of responsibility (not even a debt hanging over us then) was part of it.

I wanted in.i wanted to a career.ime comfy middle classes can afford to drop out eschew rat race
because bank of mum & dad or prosperous dp who earns well in rat race can maintain housewife
it's privileged to decline participation and /or monies because to do so you have sufficient

In the olden days I went to college from 9 til 4, 5 days a week. To learn secretarial (really was the olden days!) I missed the freedom bit
My eldest and his friends went on to Uni/college etc and seemed to do only 2 and a half days a week. I was and

Op's bf is 24 and on 6 figures? Oh right.
I think I was on 6 at 24. £6 per hour that is!!

Well being a mum is a job in itself isn't it after all let's be honest I'll may be flamed for this but foster carers are paid a riduculous amount of money to look after a chil/ren, don't they. xxx

Sorry don't they should have said "Aren't they." xxx

ooooooft international I am off for the matches

Haven't read all 15 pages, but just wondering how you are planning on supporting this family you are going to have.
Is golddigging marrying a rich man your career ambition?

Six figures at 24?

Wow.

I know lots of city boys (law/finance/hedgies) and don't know of any firm offering that amount to a newbie.

Also, does that mean that while he was at univerisity he had a 13/14/15 year old girlfriend? .

no.being parent isn't a job,nor is it comparable to being foster carer
foster carer are vetted,have to adhere to criteria,and attend external training
as parent you do own thing to own standards.unlike job that demands adhere to external standard

Weeps with laughter at the thought that foster carers are paid 'a ridiculous amount of money'...

And there are plenty of ways of making "to improve the world" that don't involve having a career.

It's not like there's a shortage of lawyers, architects etc. If OP doesn't go down that route someone else will do the job she would have done.

some of us havel been a bit suspicious that this was a troll thread. Think you just confirmed it wordfactory. Was interesting though!

I think young people now are not as driven by the thought of working hard to get somewhere etc. they are actively looking forthe path of least resistance and an easy route to a life which is as easy as possible. I thinkmthishas all come from the Big Brother/ x factor culture of starting at the top without much hard work to get there. They are deluded but that is how many of them think. Wen I went I assumed like my friends that we would be at an advantage in the workplace ( we were) and that we would leave and seek employment straight away. today they seem happy enough to work in costas go to Glastonbury back to costas then Thailand and so on. Real life is not on the immediate horizon like it was in my day

I dont think this is a gender thing so much as a money thing. I have known a few young people from monied backgrounds who are ahem cushioned and know they will always be ok financially so have never applied themselves or fulfilled their potential. Why do you think Branson and Warren Buffet (I think I have read) are not leaving their kids enough to loaf about on? Our trustafarian pals play at part time IT jobs despite having firsts from Cambridge.

in fairness,pwincess rich types may be looking for a doss at uni
for working class kids,there no bank mum&dad,or dossing and uni is a route in
add recession to that,it's hard at mo to be young grad

Where do they live noddy?

I think some of you describing a middle class jolly,and trips to Thailand
upon leaving uni,I worked chosen field on qualifying,people like me didn't go on jolly to Thailand
plenty graduates work hard,they not all drop out,not all work shy either

What I find interesting is that you think that art is something you can pick up and do really well on the strength of an A Level. It's highly unlikely you're a natural genius. If you're happy to be a mediocre artist, working in a bubble (i.e. away from people who could help you develop) and the focus is simply on shifting your work in order to travel, then that's your decision. Though you should think further about this to be absolutely sure there is no angle from which you could be accused of being a 'spoilt rich girl'. The obvious - will you be happy to be serving in a bar when you're 55? You should definitely not assume that some wealthy chap will come out of the wings. I can entirely understand your parents' disappointment in your plans for being 25, as you're making no arrangements for your future that involves doing anything to support yourself. In that sense you do sound entitled and lazy.

But forgetting all that...why don't you want to improve at your art? I have a thing like art that my parents think I should market, and I don't because it's not the right time for it; it would be spoilt. However, there's not wishing to commercialise your art and have it shaped by a market (which is not where you are because you are selling your work for the money). Then, there's thinking that you don't need to do anything resembling hard work when it comes to your art because you can already 'just do it' and there is nothing more to learn. If you're in the second camp, that's arrogant and also not fair to the gift that you have. If you don't care a blind bit about improving, then I can see your parents' disappointment there too. And honestly, you're the one who is drawing your parents' attention to the potential to generate earnings through your art. You can hardly blame them for thinking there would be no harm in becoming more established, if that's how you wish to support yourself. Why should you move the goal posts at that point, as if you have a right to be 'relaxed' all the time? Don't you realise how most of the country is living, through no fault of their own and not by choice?

If you're convinced that university is wrong for you, then fair enough. But it's hard to hear you observe that 'it will always be there' when there are people working night-shifts this evening to fund their education and who are likely to do a lot of good in the world.

You don't come over that well in your OP. You seem to perceive yourself as somehow better than your parents because they are such snobs and so materialistic. But when you look at the life you're claiming you want, you don't seem much better.

Maybe everything's come a bit too easy for you thus far? Maybe you're burnt out from performing and need to detox before returning to grown up responsibilities. If that's the case, just say so. But accept that you probably won't be in a position to have children and a home of your own until later in your life. Those things take work.