To not want a career? (Serious)

[MustWakeUp]

Hi all,

I know it's not a very pc thing to say these days and my parents who are oxbridge educated high achievers are baffled by my 'low ambitions' (anything that isn't law/med/finance = low ambitions and future of mediocrity to them). I understand that this isn't the opinion of most women, but this is just how I feel.

I've never had this burning ambition to be a career woman - I finished my A levels last summer and got 4 A*'s in maths, further maths, physics & art so it's not that I'm not academic. I loved school and I love learning but I just don't want a career. When we had careers advisors come into our school from about yr 9-yr 13 they would tell me about all the different things I could work as for e.g. accountant, actuary, physicist, economist and so on, but the problem was they all just sounded dead boring. I have shadowed plenty of my parents friends in all sorts of science-y and numerate jobs and I honestly don't know how they do it. It is just not suited to me at all.

My parents are only concerned with £££ and prestige. I'm a good painter & I write poetry and I've sold a few of my paintings and had some of my poems published and now my parents (mum especially) are pushing me to do more & more & more, they are turning something I enjoy and find relaxing into a money generating passionless thing.

What I would love to do with my life more than anything is travel the world doing odd jobs the way I'm doing now and then settle down at 25ish & have my own family & be a SAHM but still continue with my painting and poetry.

Since finishing my A-levels I've been doing that (sort of) - I temp for a 2-3 months and sell a few paintings, then I travel for as long as my money will last, when I run out of cash I come back for another 2-3 months and temp and paint again...I have seen the most beautiful sights and met the most fascinating and oddest people during this last year and I love my life the way it is now....I am free to go where I please and do what I want, I have no one to answer to at all! I wake up everyday feeling so happy and chill. But the trouble is my parents see me as squandering my 'potential' and have now recruited my aunts, uncles, ex-form tutors even my preacher!!!! to talk some 'sense' into me and to tell me that I need to apply for university and stop living 'like a dirty hippie' and I'm beginning to have doubts myself.....(not about uni, would love to be in higher education someday - but university will always be there!)

so tell me MN, is it BU for some people to just not be interested in the rat race and the corporate world and careers in general? I mean surely, some people just want different things?

[noddyholder]

I think career has so many connotations. Because I am fairly free and work for myself I can never really see myself as a career person but I do make a good living etc I just don't and won't allow work to be stressful. My mother still thinks a career is in an office 9-5 and as much over time as you can anything to get away from your children so even though I couldn't earn as much as I do now in a traditional 'job' she still sees it as inferior. My brother works in an office environment albeit in a cool industry he earns a pittance and they are always bailing him out but she still thinks he has a career and I don't! I earn about 4x what he does.

[NotGoodNotBad]

OP is not listening any more if she ever existed in the first place.

[curryeater]

No, but I think this is a useful conversation to have

[rosepettel]

no your not !
your not a baby you can look after your self
mabey the carer is only careing for you but just tell them you dont need them but thenx any way

[amazingmumof6]

crowler no, is it what Shams do in their spare time? wine and Eastenders?
fuck, and here I was thinking that quilting and upholstering my chairs and making jewellery to sell was a good use of any spare time or worth carving time out for.

shit shit shit

[MadonnaKebab]

They have been a couple for 2 years
The first of which she lived with her parents & studied for 4 A* A levels
And the second she's alternated between working 2 jobs and long stints overseas
They can have hardly spent any time together
But she is sure their relationship will never falter
Best of luck !

[BegoniaBampot]

If the OP s only 19 and probably was in school till 18. How has she really managed to squeeze in all the working to save for all these trips?

[FoxMulder]

I think we're only likely to get one side of the argument on here. The people who are travelling the world probably aren't on mumsnet.

[lotsofcheese]

OP, one of the best bits of advice I was given in life was this: always have a plan B.

You really should not put yourself in a position of being so reliant on someone else.

Of all the couples I know who we're together in their late teens, I don't know a single one out of 8 or so couples who made it to their 30's. People can change quite dramatically from their late teens to late 20's & outgrow each other.

Don't put all your eggs in 1 basket at such a young age.

[scraggydoodledo]

chrome100- with respect, your situation and that of a lot of other posters who have made similar comments is totally different to the OP's. You got a good degree at a good University and then made a considered choice to take a certain type of job rather than a more prestigious but much more stressful one. You had this choice.
The OP will have no choice as she has no experience and no qualifications. When I read he comments of 'Uni will always be there' and 'I will do it when the time is right for me', I see a sub text of 'get off my case mum and dad' and 'you don't understand me'

amazingmum- I think crowler was thinking of mums with small, exhausting children, without time or energy to pursue interesting hobbies, ie challenging the OP's rose tinted view. Enjoy your Eastenders

[chocoluvva]

curryeater I've enjoyed this thread too - even if it was intended to stir.

[ubik]

Sigh. to be honest, i am a little jealous of op. it must be lovely to have the financial security to spend time working at Mcjobs and then going on holiday.

I would have loved to do that in my twenties.

[amazingmumof6]

The people who are travelling the world probably aren't on mumsnet.

fox that made me laugh!

[amazingmumof6]

scraggy I know, I was kidding!
but I do have small exhausting children as well as bigger exhausting children, no to mention Dh - so stitching keeps me sane. while watching all the hilarious sitcoms on E4 in the evening (and sometimes during the day! sssshush)

[chocoluvva]

I'm envious of my DC's 'school trips' to Eastern Europe and the Far East!

(When I were a lass growing up in a remote area it was a tremendous adventure to go on a train! )

[GoshlyoHeavens]

You sound conflicted: you say about the parent stuff but also write about your own achievements. Screw it all, if that's what you want to do, or choose to keep achieving and achieving for the sake of achieving
even if it's in the thing you thought you were screwing them with.

Is there a better word here than 'screw'? I'd like a more feminist alternative.

[scottishmummy]

financial independence is key.yes and op is planning to be financially dependant housewife
so if one does think financial independence is the key,then clearly op plan flawed
I'd advise get a back up plan,make provision to not be dependent upon partner

[morethanpotatoprints]

Didn't the OP say she was good at painting and poetry and planning to do this when her future dc are at school. She could have a great cottage industry, certainly possible enough for her to support her family, if she is not a very materialistic commercial consumer. Some people aren't and can manage on the smallest of incomes. What's to say she won't settle for "The Good Life" and be really satisfied in life.

[scottishmummy]

have you actually read posts,she not an eke out a living small wage woman
she delighted her dp earn 6figures,plenty to keep housewife.thats not a small wage life
she's not discussing setting up a frugal worthy life.its yummy mummy life

[wordfactory]

Am I the only one who thinks the boyfriend sounds revolting?

In his final year at university, she was thinking about taking her GCSEs!!! Did he pop home after his finals to watch her play netball?

[morethanpotatoprints]

Scottish

Ha Ha, I missed that bit, dunno how I managed that.

As you were.

[scottishmummy]

lol,she's more margo and Gerry than thom and Barbara
can't see op straining her yoghurt,or hoiking tatties out garden to save money

[motherinferior]

I find it actually quite unlikely, apart from anything else, that someone is saleably good at painting and (rolls on floor clutching self at very idea of making a living out of it) poetry.

[motherinferior]

(and certainly not someone who's put a split infinitive in their thread title...)