To not want a career? (Serious)

[MustWakeUp]

Hi all,

I know it's not a very pc thing to say these days and my parents who are oxbridge educated high achievers are baffled by my 'low ambitions' (anything that isn't law/med/finance = low ambitions and future of mediocrity to them). I understand that this isn't the opinion of most women, but this is just how I feel.

I've never had this burning ambition to be a career woman - I finished my A levels last summer and got 4 A*'s in maths, further maths, physics & art so it's not that I'm not academic. I loved school and I love learning but I just don't want a career. When we had careers advisors come into our school from about yr 9-yr 13 they would tell me about all the different things I could work as for e.g. accountant, actuary, physicist, economist and so on, but the problem was they all just sounded dead boring. I have shadowed plenty of my parents friends in all sorts of science-y and numerate jobs and I honestly don't know how they do it. It is just not suited to me at all.

My parents are only concerned with £££ and prestige. I'm a good painter & I write poetry and I've sold a few of my paintings and had some of my poems published and now my parents (mum especially) are pushing me to do more & more & more, they are turning something I enjoy and find relaxing into a money generating passionless thing.

What I would love to do with my life more than anything is travel the world doing odd jobs the way I'm doing now and then settle down at 25ish & have my own family & be a SAHM but still continue with my painting and poetry.

Since finishing my A-levels I've been doing that (sort of) - I temp for a 2-3 months and sell a few paintings, then I travel for as long as my money will last, when I run out of cash I come back for another 2-3 months and temp and paint again...I have seen the most beautiful sights and met the most fascinating and oddest people during this last year and I love my life the way it is now....I am free to go where I please and do what I want, I have no one to answer to at all! I wake up everyday feeling so happy and chill. But the trouble is my parents see me as squandering my 'potential' and have now recruited my aunts, uncles, ex-form tutors even my preacher!!!! to talk some 'sense' into me and to tell me that I need to apply for university and stop living 'like a dirty hippie' and I'm beginning to have doubts myself.....(not about uni, would love to be in higher education someday - but university will always be there!)

so tell me MN, is it BU for some people to just not be interested in the rat race and the corporate world and careers in general? I mean surely, some people just want different things?

I like that you think you'll have time to paint and write poems when you've got children...!

It just sounds like you want to float along in life, rely in others and your painting just sounds like a h

*hobby

Stupid phone

When I was 18, I thought my boyfriend was the one. Luckily, being at university and meeting lots of different people and trying stuff out, I realised he was a disaster and we split up.

University can be an enjopyable event in its own right OP - it's part of growing up, and is much better done when you're studing with your peers rather than going back as a mature student (basically anything over about 21).

If you are genuinely a bright and interested individual, then your lack of desire to experience new things and develop your independence is, frankly, bizarre.

When you are a sahm, why don't you write a blog about your children and your big house and your hobbies? People love that shit. You'll be making your own six figures in no time at all.

You need to be very careful when relying on a man/your parents for your livelihood. If you have half of the brains you sate you have you will realise that and prepare and plan accordingly.
Plan for worst case scenarios, not just blithely carry on unthinkingly.

Blimey is his name Christian Grey and does he have a red room of pain?

Yes OP what does boyfriend do and is he the same age as you?

Onetwo34

I am so as to whether this is a wind up.

Not read all posts, but all I ever really wanted to do with my life was be a sahm. I married a wonderful man, and have a lovely dd, but I do have to work part time. Try to find a career you love because sahm might not be achievable, and you might have to work to your 70. So much of your life could be spent working, you'll be happier with an enjoyable job.

You do want a career though, you just want others to fund it. Tbh if you dont want to establish yourself with conventional qualifications first, its probably a good idea to ensure you are very physically attractive and witty, interesting company able to run a household, and then hang around some wealthy men.

Though unless you go down the footballer/rock star route, you may struggle if you dont work alongside them ir share their hobbies. I do have a friend who married a rock star, but she still works as a nurse, which comes in useful now that his earnings have dried up.

Alternatively, do you have enough talent to make money out of poetry/art? or are there are any unskilled jobs you could do? Otherwise it sounds like a life on benefits for you, as a lot of wealthy men seem to try to marry the beautiful/talented/well educated

I think you have a lot going for you, not least a great attitude to life !

Like you I feel life is more about our experiences than our achievements (especially work related ones)

I think travelling is a wonderful way to spend your twenties, and am glad you're enjoying it so much. The painting sounds great too - you're lucky to have such a natural talent.

However at some point you may feel that developing an interesting and rewarding career/ working life alongside your other experiences and relationships may be a worthwhile aspect of life to develop too

On the whole though I think you're very bright and level headed to be able to see life as you do ! - and slightly differently from the rat-race norm.

We're only here once after all, so seeing what's out there, and then passing on the baton to the next generation are priorities for me too

Meant to add that it sounds as if you have been tutored and inducted so much by your parents that you haven't developed the motivation or skill to work hard off your own back.

Hence I think self funded travelling or an arts course at uni would benefit you.

You need to become independent from your parents.

D'ye know, I wasn't really up for the rat race either
Leaving home at 17 without a brass farthing to rub together meant I had to join it pretty quickly though. And as a consequence I'd no sooner live off my DH then fly in the air.

Self-reliance is a pretty big baton to pass on, ime.

I think you need to take your rose-tinted specs off OP, having kids is hard work and exhausting.

There's nothing wrong with want

I think you need to take your rose-tinted specs off OP, having kids is hard work and exhausting.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a sahm but please don't spend your life being soley dependent on everyone else.

Ohblimey, I certainly wasn't ready for the rat race, or indeed any form of responsibility at 19.

That was one of the great things about university. Put off the inevitable for a few years ...

Plus you could dabble in the arts. I mean you couldn't move for dabblers. Everyone was 'in a band' or 'writing performance poetry.'

MustWakeUp
I am sorry but you are crazy. And as your name suggest you really need to wake up.
there is nothing wrong with poetry, being a SAHM or wanting to visit the world.
But you can't make that decision at 20yo, not having a job (not a career, that's different), having never worked in your life and setting yourself up to be completely dependant on your partner.

PLease Please, Don't Do That!!

Have a look at the relationship board and realize hoe many relationships fail. Sometimes because one of the people involve is just a twat. Sometimes because people have just grown apart (something that is more likely when you are young!).
Have a read at what sort of shits happens in people's life. Redundancies (Yes even with a 6 figure income), death, illness (partner's, one of the children etc...) etc etc.
By not working, you are making things much much harder for yourself.

You can be a SAHM later. When you will have worked a bit, learn more about life, be completely sure you are still close with your current boyfriend, even as you will have changed and grown up (as he will have).

You can visit the world when you will have earn the money to do it (Otherwise I assume you want to rely your your bf hard work to be able to make your dreams reality??).

You can be writer and a painter but you also need to know how to be financially independent. At least to know how it feels and what sort of effort is required.

Learn about life, live life, learn about yourself before taking that sort of decision. It's so much easier to step down from having a career to be a SAHM writing poetry than it is to move from 'I have never worked in my life' into 'I need a career to feed myself now'.

Then decide.

At no point did the OP say she didn't want to work. She has financed her trips by working. When she runs out of money she comes back and works.
There was a thread today by someone who feels MN ridicules those in low paid work. If this thread is anything to go by low paid work doesn't count at all. Only career work. OP is getting experienced in everyday hard work. Bar work is not a fun hobby.
She is 19 years old. Do you/will you talk to your teenagers like that when they make choices you don't agree with?

Tbh most people want what the OP wants in terms of free time and suiting yourself just it comes into the picture further down the road when you have earned it. As long as she is financially independent I say do as you please The same as I say to all women. Some women see a wedding ring as a similar thing tbh and it is vital to have your own money regardless. Otherwise you end up on here in the even of a break up not sure what to do!

My ds is 19 he thinks if uni doesn't work out he will just travel and make films

I think...

I think you have to choose a path in life there will be checks and balances along the way.

You may look back when you are perhaps 40 and envy friends at the top of their game in a good fulfilling career.

you may have an unhappy marriage but no financial means to leave.

You may feel guilty that you haven't contributed to society in a way someone with your intelligence and good fortune should.

Or you might not. You are very lucky to have these people around to bankroll your lifestyle, I hope you realise that.

she comes back and works

Haven't read op but this is what you want now.Go with it. You will probably change your mind when you are older, and than there will be many years in the "rat race".

If you are lucky enough to still be content with your life and are happy to be a SAHM and live within your means, than stick to your guns and go with your gut instinct. It is your life - not your parents.

I suspect, that at some point, you will desire a more materialistic lifestyle. You can then study etc if you need to.

I wish I'd travelled more and did more exciting things before "i settled down" - even though, compared to many people, I did.

Have fun when you are young. There is plenty of time to be responsible. That is what I will be telling my DC although my worst nighmare is they will meet someone on their travels and live in a different country to me

I temp for a 2-3 months and sell a few paintings, then I travel for as long as my money will last, when I run out of cash I come back for another 2-3 months and temp and paint again..

We don't know she lives rent free. She is working and saving. When she runs out of savings she does it all over again. Until she says she doesn't contribute while living with her boyfriend we cannot say she isn't supporting herself. Presumably she supports herself when on her trips. How many of us have 19 year olds that are fully self supporting?