To not want a career? (Serious)

[MustWakeUp]

Hi all,

I know it's not a very pc thing to say these days and my parents who are oxbridge educated high achievers are baffled by my 'low ambitions' (anything that isn't law/med/finance = low ambitions and future of mediocrity to them). I understand that this isn't the opinion of most women, but this is just how I feel.

I've never had this burning ambition to be a career woman - I finished my A levels last summer and got 4 A*'s in maths, further maths, physics & art so it's not that I'm not academic. I loved school and I love learning but I just don't want a career. When we had careers advisors come into our school from about yr 9-yr 13 they would tell me about all the different things I could work as for e.g. accountant, actuary, physicist, economist and so on, but the problem was they all just sounded dead boring. I have shadowed plenty of my parents friends in all sorts of science-y and numerate jobs and I honestly don't know how they do it. It is just not suited to me at all.

My parents are only concerned with £££ and prestige. I'm a good painter & I write poetry and I've sold a few of my paintings and had some of my poems published and now my parents (mum especially) are pushing me to do more & more & more, they are turning something I enjoy and find relaxing into a money generating passionless thing.

What I would love to do with my life more than anything is travel the world doing odd jobs the way I'm doing now and then settle down at 25ish & have my own family & be a SAHM but still continue with my painting and poetry.

Since finishing my A-levels I've been doing that (sort of) - I temp for a 2-3 months and sell a few paintings, then I travel for as long as my money will last, when I run out of cash I come back for another 2-3 months and temp and paint again...I have seen the most beautiful sights and met the most fascinating and oddest people during this last year and I love my life the way it is now....I am free to go where I please and do what I want, I have no one to answer to at all! I wake up everyday feeling so happy and chill. But the trouble is my parents see me as squandering my 'potential' and have now recruited my aunts, uncles, ex-form tutors even my preacher!!!! to talk some 'sense' into me and to tell me that I need to apply for university and stop living 'like a dirty hippie' and I'm beginning to have doubts myself.....(not about uni, would love to be in higher education someday - but university will always be there!)

so tell me MN, is it BU for some people to just not be interested in the rat race and the corporate world and careers in general? I mean surely, some people just want different things?

Not unreasonable but your vision is dependent on finding a high earning DH - do you have a back up plan if this doesn't work out? I have several friends who are artists and enjoy painting / jewellery making etc while kids at school but all have career successful DHs.

If you can support yourself doing something that you enjoy then do it. It's frustrating that your parents seem unable to see things from your perspective. Perhaps they'll come round over time as you show them you can manage & be happy. If not, then it would be a shame, but we can't choose our relations. I think you're really brave, living as you do.

sounds like OP you are confusing 'career' with a 'job'

Nothing wrong with not fancying the professional/corporate career ladder although you do seem to have a bit of a stereotype view of it. But be resigned to working in Tesco or something to pay the bills whilst you work your hobbies up into a creative business if that's what you want to do.

Good luck!

word, it does make them a baker though(I can't comment on whether they are a good one or not), just as you were a writer when you published and sold your first book. Imo, anyway.

Don't call Economics boring!!!! An insult about economics is up there with insults about Jane Austen!

Economics is the perfect profession for combining mathematics with art. Plenty of opportunities internationally. And better paid than hairdressing. Look into it, OP. University will be boring but the work itself is v. interesting.

Most jobs are fairly boring day to day if you do them for any length of time. Including being a SAHM. And you can't guarantee that you will meet someone and settle down and have kids at 25ish.

''Don?t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. ''

I'm quoting Baz Luhrman.

OP, you sound pathetic.

Your mother would 'kill' you if she walked into a hairdresser's and you were there in a uniform working?

Yet, as you can't be arsed to work, free-loading and scrounging your way through life on the back of a non-existent DH's toil is a worthy career?

I think you need to grow up, somewhat.

Hmmm... You're young and idealistic. You've just finished school and of course travelling and having babies sounds like a more romantic option than being cooped up in an uni then office being forced to do something you don't love. My basic advice would be to get the best formal qualifications you can as soon as you can in something that you do love - e.g graphic design, fine arts and plan on being able to pay your own bills in future. That doesn't necessarily mean pursuing a glittering career but you may feel differently about all this when you are in your late thirties .

Kiwi - you might be surprised what hairdressers can earn. It's always funny on Come Dine With Me when the hairdresser the MC social climbers view as chavvy is the one with the big house and sports car.

I have a fair amount of sympathy for your mother. You are academic, so she drew your attention to careers that academic people often do. Then you protested and said you wanted to follow your artistic side, so she tried to support you with this and encouraged you to turn your artistic side into a way to support you. But this was all too much like hard work for you. (I'll bet that this was when you "sold" your paintings and that you sold them to friends or colleagues of your parents, btw.)

I'll bet she wouldn't be half as horrified about you doing an honest day's work as a hairdresser as you seem to think. She may just be very alive to the fact that if you spend your life dossing about, always reliant on your current boyfriend, you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position. No mother wants that for her child.

And I agree with wordfactory. You can be as talented as you like, but if you aren't willing to put in any hard work at it, you'll never be a professional artist. And you will never be as good as you could have been.

I gave up a fancy career in PR, a posh house and plenty of money and swapped it for a more modest life as a homeschooling, SAHM of 4, and my DH is a gardener. Often we can't afford treats for ourselves but we have ever, ever been happier and wish we had done it years ago.

Snooter, brave, really?

Brave because I'd never have the nerve to choose a path that didn't more or less guarantee me a steady income. Quite envious really. I trod the expected path.

She doesn't want to be a professional artist though - she wants to be a sahm who spends some of her time painting.

I really do hate this idea that she will be scrounging off the back of her hard working (future) dh. She will be a sahm - he will get to follow the career he loves (which is no hardship for him) and not have to worry about child care and pulling his weight with the dc, but will still get to enjoy a lovely family life. Seems like a reasonable exchange of skills and interests to me.

Also, she has been honest right from the start about what she wants from her life - there are worse ways to begin a marriage!

Now while I think being able to support oneself is important, most people have jobs so they can pay the bills and enjoy their lives. It's a bonus if you find a job you enjoy and for some people work becomes the thing they enjoy, so it is no sacrifice to go. For others though, if they can pay the bills and enjoy life by working on an ad hoc basis (like the OP - she does work hard, just not consistently) or by matching up in life with one of people who love their career and are happy to support a wife in exchange for an easy family life, then I honestly can't see anything morally wrong in that.

I suspect that the OP's mum would not be happy to see her do any job, but has definite career ambitions for her - nothing wrong with that either. I think the OP does need to get some qualifications in place and develop a back up plan, because sah does make a woman more vulnerable.

I'm really not sure about OP.

Why is a childless 19 year old on mumsnet, discussing staying at home with her not-yet-existent kids?

Karma - there is nowt wrong with wanting to be a SAHM who dabbles in painting and poetry. Its akin to SAHMs who enjoy walking their dogs and playing the piano. Very nice indeed. But it is a hobby! The OP was trying to play it as something more than a hobby, without any of the commitment or passion.

1. It's creepy to marry someone you've known since you were a baby. Nature makes you not fancy people you've known when growing up so that we don't go for our siblings. You'll enjoy sex more with someone else. Less icky.

1. If you love art and writing, why study maths, further maths and physics? What did you love about physics to make you choose to study it? What appeals to your inherently lazy, hippy nature about three hardcore sciences? Think back. Maybe you've had a personality change after a head injury? Worth getting checked out.

1. Nobody describes themselves as flighty and indecisive. Unless with a trilling laugh. I hope you were doing a trilling laugh.

I think your first point is quite rude but I am laughing (trillingly) at your overall post.

karma, I have no problem with women (or men) choosing to SAH. I believe they make a valuable contribution to their overall family life. However, a 19 year old, when asked about her ambitions or future plans, wants to not work and marry someone rich enough to keep her - I find that depressing.

I think the OP plays well to the mumsnet gallery. Having a lazy, aimless, passionless DC is like the sum of our collective fears!

I doubt a 19 year old in this position would give a toss what those mothers on mn thought. But hey, some nice touches.

On hobbies there are indeed loads of women having a nice time painting / drawing and writing poetry whilst their dc are at school. Go for it.

Sorry, haven't read and making my place. But based in the opost, I am the same. No desire for a 'career'. I prefer change every now and then! I trend ro stock with child related jobs though., time for a degree and career later (I'm 24)! I know somebody in her 40's doing a degree in something that didn't interest her unto later in life which I find inspirational :)

huh! where were all the lovely men earning 6 figures when I was 19?

this is a load of nonsense, will probably feature in a daily mail article soon

and wheres Xenia when you need her?

I think OP grew in a family with no financial worries
she never had to stand on her 2 feet - moved from parental home to that of her BF

she does what she wants and never had to earn her living

if she thinks that jobs she's mentioned are boring she may find being SAHM boring too - then she will wake up to harsh reality that the only job she can do is that for a minimum wage
she may have time to get her career up if she would be determined

One of my biggest fears is that because we are so comfortably off, we are raising DC with no drive or goals...

In fact, I wonder if this thread is started by my 13 year old DD.

Now, what can I do to really wind Mum up?

I know, I'll pretend to be 19 and that I haven't been to uni, haven't pursued my artistic talents, and don't have any plans except to have some babies....

I have been with DP for a long time. In our early 20's we both worked which is where we met. He earnt amazing money, we had a DD and I became a stay at home mum. He loved his job but it wasn't long before DP decided he was sick of working long hours, not seeing his daughter and missing her grow up. He decided on a career change which of course I supported but we have changed our lifestyle massively. I am now also working so that we can both work decent hours. Don't take advantage of your DP, he may not want to subsidise you forever!