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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playground etiquette, who was rude her or me?

136 replies

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 22/06/2013 16:39

Not really sure who was being unreasonable here.

Took dd to the park today (dd is 2.4 park was very busy). One of the swings became available, the one on the end of the row, so I put dd in it and started to push her.

After about 5 minutes a woman and her daughter (would guess 4 year old) came and stood right next to me. Woman started talking to her dd "you can have a go on the swing soon" "this little girl will be finished soon" "it looks like you might have to wait awhile."

Dd did not want to leave the swing so I kept pushing her for another 5 minutes. Eventually the hinting got to me and we abandoned the swing.

So was she being unreasonable or was I taking too long on the swing and should have shifted sooner?

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 22/06/2013 17:00

Oh god someone did this to ds1 when he was about 6. He's severely autistic & had a fixed routine at the park of 20 seconds on the swing then down the slide then wobble on the horse then he was free to do what he wanted. He had to do the routine first though. Had to. Someone got to the swings seconds before him so he couldn't do his 20 seconds. After about a minute he started melting down (he really couldn't wait at all those days) the mother went all lemon suckingy and pushed her dd who was trying to get off backwards & forwards backwards & forward. She actually put her dd back on the swing when she got off clearly wanting to teach ds1 a lesson who was by now hitting his head on the concrete. I couldn't physically move him from the park as he had lost the plot so much. She kept her dd on that swing for a good 10-15 mins despite her dd wanting to get off. She did have the decency to look a bit surprised when after he'd had his 20 seconds (obviously once the swing became available he shut up) he got off and moved onto the rest of the routine. Then played happily and quietly for the rest of the session.

Anyway for bringing up bad memories YABU. I always moved my kids on when there was a bit of a queue (yes including ds1). 10 mins is taking the piss a bit in a busy park.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 22/06/2013 17:01

Yeah, if her DD wasn't bothered then that is a little odd.

It get a whole lot easier when they can push themselves on a swing Wink (also have a nearly 7yr old)

ParadiseChick · 22/06/2013 17:02

Fight, issue, problem - you know what I mean.

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 22/06/2013 17:04

saintly that sounds like a nightmare. Sorry it happened, this girl wasn't bothered at all, just started playing her own game.

OP posts:
TheFallenNinja · 22/06/2013 17:07

People have really determined a reasonable swing time?

Looks like I'll be popular then.

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 22/06/2013 17:09

I'm starting to think I was being a bit unreasonable.

I hate people invading my personal space (my problem not anyone else's) and I think it was her standing virtually on top if me that got my back up.

OP posts:
AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 22/06/2013 17:10

Maybe, just maybe, she was actually saying it to her child and it wasn't a PA comment aimed at you at all? Yabu.

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 22/06/2013 17:14

amy girl was playing comments were definately 100% aimed at me. I've already admitted she pissed me off because it felt like she was invading my space (stood shoulder to shoulder). I probably shouldn't have got as annoyed as I did (didn't say anything just internally pissed off).

OP posts:
intheshed · 22/06/2013 17:18

I dunno, if people are waiting I make sure we only have a quick go. It's a good lesson in sharing: "look DD, this little girl is waiting, we'll have 10 more swings then we'll get off". plus my arms hurt after more than 5 minutes!

soverylucky · 22/06/2013 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kaekae · 22/06/2013 17:22

Not sure really, if I were you I probably would have let the four year old have it after a few minutes, and if I were the parent of the other girl, I would have told her to go and play on something else for a while. Life is too short to get worked up over a swing in a kids playground.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 22/06/2013 17:23

Shoulder to shoulder with you? Ugh! I change to YANBU because that would have annoyed me too.

nancerama · 22/06/2013 17:26

Are you sure this lady was dropping heavy hints? My DS is a child with very little patience and hates waiting for the swings. I have similar conversations with him. Not with the intention of hurrying up the family using the swing, but to explain that the other child is having fun, she is having her turn, when she has finished her turn it's our turn.

I loud parent, I know it's frowned upon here, but the alternative is a meltdown.

FishfingersAreOK · 22/06/2013 17:31

PA swinging, PA comments. Comments to pacify waiting child. Swinging because it was the child's "turn".

I think you were both a tad unreasonable. I would rather be teaching my child to take turns and shorten their time on a piece of play equipment if there are others queueing than satisfied my desire to get my own back on the PA comments and I hate pushing .
I would however have ruined such smugness by making a suitable loud-parenting PA comment as I got DC off the swing "Look BabyFish, this little girl has been waiting very patiently without complaining once, it is her turn now"....then as we were leaving I would have said to the mother "She was very patient, how lovely".

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 22/06/2013 17:39

I know I've said this before but the girl was not bothered or upset at al, she just started playing her own game. If the kid had been at all upset I would have shifted straight away not after 5 minutes. (I'm not a complete bitch, honest)

OP posts:
cakebar · 22/06/2013 17:41

When 2 kids want the swing it works best to have a couple of minutes, hop off, you wait 2 mins and get swing back etc. I wouldn't make someone wait that long but I would stand there waiting our turn again if my dd wanted too.

candygirl78 · 22/06/2013 17:48

You were both a bit unreasonable.

YouTheCat · 22/06/2013 17:51

Makes me glad mine are grown up now. I have never heard of queuing in a park before, ever. I've heard of teaching kids they have to wait sometimes and being considerate of others but never actually queuing.

Odd.

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 22/06/2013 18:00

youthecat it wasn't so much queuing as one woman plonking herself next to me (shoulder to shoulder) while muttering passive aggressive comments.
I really don't like my space being invaded, but I guess that's my problem.

OP posts:
digerd · 22/06/2013 18:01

Standing shoulder to shoulder is deliberately intimidating. I'm sure if she had stood farther back, and she had smiled at you nicely saying to her DC " I'm sure the swing will be free soon", you'd have been quicker off the swing.

SingingSilver · 22/06/2013 18:11

Her last comment sounds passive-aggressive. I took ds to the patomime last year and the friends we made plans with couldn't make it so their seats next to us were empty. I realised ds couldn't see the stage properly because there was a tall man in front of him so I moved us along into the two empty seats. Behind us I heard a mother stage whispering to her dc 'Can you see darling?' in a huffy tone. If she'd leaned forward and told me her child couldn't see I'd have moved back to my original seat, but if someone isn't going to have the courtesy to directly speak to me, and just make snarky comments within earshot, then screw 'em.

YouTheCat · 22/06/2013 18:13

Other people have mentioned queuing. It's just bizarre. Grin

And I hate people getting in my personal space unnecessarily too.

diddl · 22/06/2013 18:26

I think that you should have told her that your daughter had only just got on & to ask someone else.

Were you the only adult?

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 22/06/2013 18:29

No there were loads of other adults around, we all ignored her.

OP posts:
GiveMumABreak · 22/06/2013 18:57

I have used that tactic in the playground (when children age 5 upwards are hogging the swing - just a firm yet kind reminder to share) certainly NOT when a little Tot who is with her mum, and mum is obviously in charge! Gosh! YANBU!