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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my dh to go out, so I can have my friends round for a laydeez night?

66 replies

pictish · 20/06/2013 20:06

Ok so...I am thinking of having a lady-what-does-nails round the house next weekend, so I can get a pedicure for the summer hols (in Scotland we break up next week).
I was with some friends today who said they'd be up for the same, so I'll invite them round too and make a wee night of it.
I mentioned it to dh today, and asked how he would feel about disappearing for the evening. He wasn't too impressed.
He's a real homebody and not one for going out. It's also worth mentioning that we live somewhere where he doesn't really know anyone locally, so going out for a pint with a mate is out.

Anyway, his point is that if he wanted to have some mates round for whatever, he wouldn't expect me to leave, even though I could easily find something to do for the evening.

We are arguing the semantics now, and I thought we could put it to the MN jury.

AIBU?

OP posts:
dufflefluffle · 20/06/2013 20:08

My DH wouldn't want to go out either though he would probably disappear to another room - is that an option?

TheCutOfYourJib · 20/06/2013 20:10

Yabu to say laydeez.
Yabu to ask your dh to go out, can't he just watch TV or read a book in your bedroom?

LindyHemming · 20/06/2013 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pictish · 20/06/2013 20:14

I know iabu to say laydeez Grin...but I didn't know what else to call it. Women's night? Sounds a bit po faced.

OP posts:
ShabbyButNotChic · 20/06/2013 20:16

Yanbu! We have these kind of nights every other week or so. Most partners use it as an excuse to go to the pub/play xbox upstairs. Though they do pop down to see what snacks we have bought so we have got wise to this and provide sweets for them. You would think they were 7 year olds not men in their late twenties!

CrapBag · 20/06/2013 20:16

Friends over?

YABU to expect your DH to go out when he doesn't have anywhere to go. There is nothing wrong with him going upstairs out of the way.

defineme · 20/06/2013 20:17

Dh would just go upstairs and read his book, as he does when I host book group at my house. If it was some mates for a chat he would talk to them too, but if we were all having nails done he'd probably slope off at some point.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 20/06/2013 20:17

I have never been with anyone who would have minded doing this - I think they have all been only to happy to 'escape' Grin However, I guess if he doesn't have anywhere to go or anyone to go with it's a bit mean kicking him out for the evening just so you can all paint your nails - would it really be that bad if he was home?

Where or what did you expect him to go and do if he doesn't know anyone?

How long have you been there & why doesn't he have any friends?

Original poster
pictish · 20/06/2013 20:18

We have been here for four years, but it wouldn't natter if we'd been here ten. My dh is an introvert, and doesn't go about looking for new pals.

OP posts:
Dilidali · 20/06/2013 20:20

Well, you're both right. I wouldn't be able to spring that one on my DH either, he needs time Grin.
The difference is mine has met all of my friends'husbands and I'd be able to ship him over their houses for a few hours.
Someone at the pub surely would be able to comiserate with him over a pint, any random bloke! Maybe that's what he needs, a shove, to put himself out there. He might enjoy it.

BeerTricksPotter · 20/06/2013 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pictish · 20/06/2013 20:22

He really wouldn't enjoy it. He's not a social creature. He's very pleasant and easygoing and everything, and happy to chat to anyone that comes round, but going to the pub to make conversation with a random would be his idea of hell.

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 20/06/2013 20:23

I wouldn't expect my DH to go out, i would expect him to keep us supplied with wine and nibbles Grin

fortifiedwithtea · 20/06/2013 20:25

YAB totally U imagine the other way around and your DH had asked you to bugger off for the evening so he could have his mates round. There would be calls of LTB everywhere.

Ask him nicely if he would mind an evening in another room to listen to the radio/read a book whatever so you can have a 'your friends only' evening.

Original poster
pictish · 20/06/2013 20:28

I wouldn't mind at all. I'd gleefully bugger off.

OP posts:
Keztrel · 20/06/2013 20:29

Where do you think he should go then, if he doesn't know anyone?

Keztrel · 20/06/2013 20:30

Is this your way of encouraging him to get a life? (Yanbu :))

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 20/06/2013 20:32

He could go upstairs and watch TV? That's what I'd do in his position;...I wouldn't be going out either!

DerbyNottsLeicsNightNanny · 20/06/2013 20:34

A few months ago I have my dh £20 to sit upstairs for approx 2ish hrs whilst my friend came round. Best money I ever spent Grin just wanted a girly chat without him being there sitting on the sofa. Upstairs he had tv/DVD/wifi/laptop & says he had a great eve, when friend had gone he didn't want to come back down. Would highly recommend!

Squitten · 20/06/2013 20:34

My DH wouldn't have a problem with that - he'd take a book and go sit in the corner of a pub. He did exactly that while we were on holiday and I had to study in the evenings. I would go to the movies.

I don't think YABU but if he doesn't want to go out at all then he could just go and set himself up with telly/books/DVDs in your bedrooom?

shewhowines · 20/06/2013 20:34

YABU to expect him to go out, but YANBU to expect him to make himself scarce after a couple of minutes of polite chitchat. Provide him with beer an nibbles upstairs and tell him not to come down again unless he's happy to have his toenails painted.

DerbyNottsLeicsNightNanny · 20/06/2013 20:34

*gave

DeathByTray · 20/06/2013 20:35

Is there nothing on at the cinema he would like to see?

ShabbyButNotChic · 20/06/2013 20:35

Could you send him upstairs but get him a pizza/dvd/sweets etc, make a nice evening in for him? Do your friends have husbands/boyfriends he could get friendly with? Within my main group of friends most of the partners have become friends which is great as when we have a girls night they have a boys night. Is that an option?

squeakytoy · 20/06/2013 20:38

It would (and does) drive me mad having a husband who never went out on his own.

I love having time to myself in the house, and on the rare occasions my husband works away for the week, I am in absolute ecstasy as I can have full control of the tv all night, eat what I like, when I feel like it.. light as many scented candles as possible... then have the bed to myself, watch another film or read for as long as I like..

so no, yanbu at all!