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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most women would rather have a girl/girls than a boy/boys?

443 replies

jellysandwich · 20/06/2013 14:17

I have read so many posts with pregnant mothers who are upset that they are having a ds and in real life I find that mothers who have all boys or boys first, tend to denigrate them to mums of girls and put their daughters on pedestals. Mums of girls tend to not mind having no boys whereas all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys. I have never come across any women who only wanted boy(s).

Am I right in thinking that most women want to have girls and wouldn't mind having all girls if they have more than one child, whereas boys are almost always seen as second best and not the desired choice of most women?

OP posts:
Lovecat · 20/06/2013 15:21

YABVU. I wanted a boy, or so I thought until DD came along. It was DH who wanted a girl.

If we're in the sweeping, unresearched, probably not-actually-true generalisations game I've noticed that lots of the 'Feminism has gone too far/I'm a man's woman/what about the men' posters on the FWR boards are mothers of boys only... Wink

fairisleknitter · 20/06/2013 15:21

Am I unusual for not coming across OP's and FussandMess's attitudes in real life? I know some people will feel gender disappointment either way, but it doesn't crop up in conversation.

HugeLaurie · 20/06/2013 15:23

I can honestly say that when I was pregnant I wanted a boy. I hate all of this "mums only want girls" nonsense. It really annoys me. Like having a boy is second best or something, which it absolutely is not.

valiumredhead · 20/06/2013 15:29

Er no, you wouldn't be right OP.

IsThisAGoodIdea · 20/06/2013 15:30

YABVU and deliberately goady.

I really wanted a boy first and was delighted to get one. I am from a family of all girls - nightmare - emotionally unstable passive aggressive nasty brats (for want of a far stronger word). I knew that I didn't want a family with more than one daughter so if I'd have had a girl first I'd have been screwed.

I'm currently pg with a girl. That's fine but I certainly never yearned for one.

I adore every fibre of my little boy's being. He's my perfect child.

I also think it's only a certain type of woman who is desperate for a daughter. The type who will lap up the pink shit, daddy's princess rubbish.

Ashoething · 20/06/2013 15:32

YABU- both dh and I both her a preference for a ds. Which we had. My sister also wanted a ds which she had. When I was told I was having a dd I have to admit to being a tiny bit disappointed-now of course I love her to bits.

With our 3rd dc we again both had a preference for a ds-which again we had.

sweetestcup · 20/06/2013 15:32

I also think it's only a certain type of woman who is desperate for a daughter. The type who will lap up the pink shit, daddy's princess rubbish

Yes totally agree with this.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 20/06/2013 15:33

The pink princess thing always puzzles me. How do people who want a pink, frilly, Barbie loving daughter cope if she turns out to be into football, pot-holing and motorbikes?

ShadowStorm · 20/06/2013 15:34

IME (from people I've met in RL), before the baby's born, if a preference is mentioned, most women say they want a girl, and most men say they want a boy.

BUT - once the baby's actually born, I haven't met any mum's who feel "sad" about not having a daughter, or dad's who seem "sad" about not having a son. They all seem to be genuinely happy with the child they've got, regardless of it's gender.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/06/2013 15:37

I think that FussandMess has a point - a lot of women are scared that they will lose that closeness with their sons, once the sons get married. I think they believe that to be less likely with a daughter.

Of course there are exceptions and people who buck the trend, but the saying 'a son's a son til he gets a wife but a daughter's a daughter all of her life' exists because there is a grain of truth in it!

I don't think that people believe girls are better than boys per se - in truth your kids are your kids and you love them equally.And in childhood there is little difference between them. I have 3 boys and one girl and in personality terms they all love climbing on walls/football/shopping/cuddles and their sex has little to do with it.

I disagree that mothers of boys denigrate their sons and put their daughters on pedestals. As a mother of 4, I have met a lot of parents over the years and I have never heard anyone do this.

Ipp3 · 20/06/2013 15:38

I was upset for an afternoon when I was told it was a boy, until I realised this was just because we had decided a girl's name but not a boys so had bonded with a girl who had just disappeared! Was then fine and would now love another boy!

MarinaIvy · 20/06/2013 15:39

We were (and still are) determined to be gender non-bigots, etc. Neutral clothing when DS was tiny, teaching him "boy" and "girl" skills, etc. We were (and still are) thrilled to bits. We'd waited for so long and had so many failures before we were finally blessed, something like the gender was soo-hooohooo not an issue.

So you'd think it wouldn't have mattered at all, and it doesn't, but I'm going to be brave and admit that ...

hmmm, "disappointed" is way too strong a word.

I dunno, I just always pictured having a little girl, a "mini-me", if you will, I can teach her not to make the same mistakes, etc etc. So, having a boy was a mental adjustment, I have to admit (we had opted not to know the gender during the scans).

Does this help? Because even I can't figure out what I just said.

IsThisAGoodIdea · 20/06/2013 15:40

Shadow, I've never encountered anyone who has expressed a preference either way. Most intelligent people surely know that having a preference is futile as the gender is determined at the point of conception. What's the point in wishing either way? It's a done deed.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 20/06/2013 15:40

"Of course there are exceptions and people who buck the trend, but the saying 'a son's a son til he gets a wife but a daughter's a daughter all of her life' exists because there is a grain of truth in it!"

I think that may have been true in the days when young men often moved to other areas for work, or joined the armed forces, while their sisters stayed in the same small area as their parents. However, now that most people end up moving away from their families it's probably not as relevant.

Mollydoggerson · 20/06/2013 15:41

I wanted boys as they were few and far between in my family. Now I wouldn't care one way or the other, but they were the limited sex in our family (when I was pregnant first) so therefore it was very exciting to have boys.

MrsMook · 20/06/2013 15:41

I love my two DSs and it feels very comfortable and right. Around the time DS1 was conceived I had a deep think and realised I felt more comfortable with the idea of a son as my family has a string of difficult mother-daughter relationships.

If I have a DC3, it's because I want a 3rd DC. I'd be very happy with a 3rd son or a daughter. It doesn't really matter.

Before DS2 was born I commented about needing a dainty little girl, but that was only beacuse DS1 got his big head stuck at birth which was highly inconvenient! Fortunately DS2's head is more modestly proportioned so all is well.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse · 20/06/2013 15:42

Really? I have 2 bio DDs and had no preference as to their sex before they were born. DS is adopted but we would have welcomed him regardless.

ExpectingaBundle · 20/06/2013 15:42

Nope -- I'm happy with either.

lljkk · 20/06/2013 15:43

yanbu, I think it's pretty obvious that in modern times, in the UK, Girls are strongly the preferred gender. Not saying that's right, just the way folk tend to feel.

MN is not like real life, we know that.

IsThisAGoodIdea · 20/06/2013 15:43

Ha, MrsMook - all the 9lb plus babies I know of are girls!

Kaekae · 20/06/2013 15:45

I must admit to feeling slightly upset when I found out my first baby was a boy! Madness. I love having a boy but equally love having a girl. My DS is SO much easier than my DD. My gran had five sons, no daughters. I never heard her ever say she had longed for a girl, personally I would like to experience having boys and girls. Thankfully, I have one of each.

IsThisAGoodIdea · 20/06/2013 15:45

Might be obvious in your world lljkk, not mine.

So because the overwhelming consensus if the thread doesn't fit with your view, you dismiss it as not being real?

Mollydoggerson · 20/06/2013 15:47

I don't understand why girls, or boys for that matter would be the strongly preferred gender in a community at large, not these days with gender equality. I can understand why particular people might yearn for one or the other depending on life circumstances up to the point of pregnancy, but not a general community consensus that one gender is more preferable.

Generalisations - All nonsense.

SHarri13 · 20/06/2013 15:47

Hmm, difficult. I have three boys who are amazing and I wouldn't swap them for the world but we're conditioned to want girls in this country, it's like the ultimate. People just seem to feel sorry for me when they see me with three boys, God knows why, we have a great life.

If we were to have another baby, we always said we'd have 4, I'd assume and be delighted with a boy but would welcome a girl to see what all of the fuss is about. There's definitely a seeming superiority that comes with having a girl and I want me some of that!

melliebobs · 20/06/2013 15:47

Got to say me n dh were dissapointed that our first child was Infact a dd. but we got over it n tbh she's a person to me now rather than a girl/boy. But I still want my big brood of boys Grin