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AIBU?

to think that most women would rather have a girl/girls than a boy/boys?

443 replies

jellysandwich · 20/06/2013 14:17

I have read so many posts with pregnant mothers who are upset that they are having a ds and in real life I find that mothers who have all boys or boys first, tend to denigrate them to mums of girls and put their daughters on pedestals. Mums of girls tend to not mind having no boys whereas all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys. I have never come across any women who only wanted boy(s).

Am I right in thinking that most women want to have girls and wouldn't mind having all girls if they have more than one child, whereas boys are almost always seen as second best and not the desired choice of most women?

OP posts:

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HormonalHousewife · 20/06/2013 14:42

Yes. you are.

Jenny70 · 20/06/2013 14:42

An author I read agreed saying first time mothers are daunted enough by having a baby to care for - and having one they identify with is slightly easier. Mums to boys think "oh heck, what do I do with boys bits, what will I be able to teach them, how will I understand their teen angst etc."

Most mothers are over that initial shock within a day or two, but it comes to the familiarity, not "wanting a girl to dress up" etc.

SummersHere · 20/06/2013 14:43

Agree with shellywelly, silly post. I'm the only one of my friends with a boy, a lovely sweet natured, easy going boy. When I get together with my friends and their girls there's lots of tantrums/ear piercing screaming/drama. I really couldn't be doing with that and have no desire for a girl.

Frostyfoxy · 20/06/2013 14:45

I knew, because of family circumstances, I was only ever going to try for one baby. I wanted that baby to be a boy - luckily not only did I manage to have a healthy baby (albeit with a mental disability) but he was a boy too!!

However had he been a girl I wouldn't have minded one jot!

wineoclocktimeyet · 20/06/2013 14:46

If I was to have more I would want more boys everytime

LondonJax · 20/06/2013 14:47

I had a bit of a wobble when I found out I was having a DS as I was convinced I was carrying a girl - I had twenty girls names on my list and four for boys! My wobble came when I thought I'd never be Mother of the Bride, get the chance to go clothes shopping with a DD, that sort of thing. It lasted all of half a day then I realised that any DD may not get married, may get married abroad, may not invite me and may not be a girly girl who wants to buy clothes, do make up etc.

And now DS is here, if I had the chance of another baby? I'd want a boy. He's adorable. My sister, who has three sons, has said since her first was born twenty years ago, that she prefers boys. Her friends with girls found the teenage years harder than she did with her eldest son. Her two youngest aren't into their teens yet so I'm watching that space!

xylem8 · 20/06/2013 14:48

I think you are right, but a lot of mothers of boys won't admit to feeling this way

GeppaGip · 20/06/2013 14:48

so wrong. i was over the moon to find out my first was a son. i am happy for my second to be either as i already have my little man.
conversely, two of my friends are considering having a third child after having two daughters and being desperate for a boy.
my oh wants a girl though.

FussandMess · 20/06/2013 14:50

I haven't read much of the thread but I'm guessing its turned out as threads like this always do:

Lots of mums boys saying they always wanted boys and wouldn't want it any other way. They talk of muddy, feral boys compared to the princessy pink of girls.

No one ever admits it you see.

But yes OP, you are right. Most women do want a daughter. I see this lots in real life. It is something that def exists. Just not something peoplelike to admit.

Its the same as the old saying:

A son is a son till he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter the rest of her life"........

If someone starts a thread saying 'is this saying true?', the thread will be filled with mums of boys saying 'of course it isn't', 'what rubbish' but we all know there is a degree a truth of in it. No matter how many examples the mums of boys would like to give to the contrary.

Its one of the reasons why women want girls. Its fine when the child is young, but once grown, most women don't want to be a MIL, or the less important grandparent (which can be the case if the DIL is close to her mother)

This is why most women want a girl. Not because of the childhood years, but because of what being a mother to a son means when the boy is grown.

I know mums of boys will be outraged now but really, don't waste your time venting at me. You won't change my mind and I'm hiding the thread anyway as I know you cannot admit the truth to yourself let alone out loud, its too painful, so the discussion is pointless.

throckenholt · 20/06/2013 14:50

I was happy to have boys - infact I was positively relieved that twin DC 2&3 were boys and not girls. With DC1 I had no great yearnings either way.

dubstarr73 · 20/06/2013 14:50

Ive only boys and i wouldnt know what to do wiht a girl.It doesnt bother me ive only boys.I never felt disappointment.I love my boys and i wouldnt have it any other way.

I love being the only girl in the house.Even if im outnumbered haha

peachypips · 20/06/2013 14:50

I would hate to have girls to be honest. Couldn't cope with the teenage bit. Have two DS.

PeterParkerSays · 20/06/2013 14:51

Sorry, but Tosh, the mums I know have more boys between them than girls, and the boys' mothers never feel they're somehow apologising for their child's gender

I desperately wanted a baby boy, as I had a difficult relationship with my mother and didn't trust myself to be able to start with a clean slate, as it were, if I had a girl.

I had a boy. He is fab, and we need never have toxic pink inthe house unless invited. If we had another one, DH would love a girl, but I'd have another boy every time.

tethersend · 20/06/2013 14:52

I have posted about my experiences on MN many times- but I suffered serious gender disappointment when told that DD1 was a girl. I had always wanted boys.

It took me a long time and a lot of support, but now not only do I have amazing DD1, I have wonderful (though NEVER SLEEPING) DD2. And I am so, so happy with my family. I'm done

NoelHeadbands · 20/06/2013 14:52

I'm so glad Mumsnet is here, to tell me what I think and how I really feel

fairisleknitter · 20/06/2013 14:53

Maybe for you FussandMess but honestly I'm very happy with boys. It's not painful!

Norfolknway · 20/06/2013 14:53

I have a DD, she is fab. Expecting D? In 4 month...I couldn't care less if they're a girl or a boy.

It will be a shock if its a boy, but only because that's not what I'm used to.
I think personalities matter more than gender.

sydlexic · 20/06/2013 14:53

Fuss and Mess has her fingers in her ears and is chanting "ner nicky ner ner." so no point in replying.

Quenelle · 20/06/2013 14:53

What nonsense. I always wanted a boy.

If I had been lucky enough to have another I would have loved the idea of another boy.

I don't think you have to be the same sex to have a close bond with your child, or even to imagine a close bond with your unborn child.

Mintyy · 20/06/2013 14:54

I would say that is nonsense op.

throckenholt · 20/06/2013 14:54

Its one of the reasons why women want girls. Its fine when the child is young, but once grown, most women don't want to be a MIL, or the less important grandparent (which can be the case if the DIL is close to her mother)

Hmm - that had never even occurred to me ! Oh well - I always knew I didn't fit the "most women" mould (I hate purple and pink, hairdressers, and can't be bothered with fashion or makeup).

neriberi · 20/06/2013 14:54

I have a boy and he's amazing. I always said that as long as baby was healthy I didn't mind what I had BUT I was incredibly relieved and said thank you rather a lot to the man up in the sky when I found out I was having a boy. I'm 1 of 3 girls and the the thought of having a girl made me feel slightly queasy...

I can't have anymore children, but if I could I would most definitely want another boy.

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TolliverGroat · 20/06/2013 14:55

I have both and have found there's really very little gender-based difference. Boys' genitals are slightly easier to clean during nappy changes IMO but that's pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

ShoeWhore · 20/06/2013 14:55

I love my boys - they are ace. As I'm sure they would have been had they been girls and I'd have loved that too.

They are my children you see.

Brittabot · 20/06/2013 14:55

How odd. Most people I know wanted one of each. I know I did but now I'm delighted with having my 2 DS. If we have a third I'd be happy with a boy or a girl, but anyone who asks if we'll have another assumes we will be trying for a girl.

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