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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect the school to inform me when they send my daughter's new teacher to nursery to visit her?

123 replies

Pealicious · 19/06/2013 09:22

I couldn't believe it when I collected my daughter from nursery yesterday only to find that the teacher who will be taking her in Foundation in September came to visit her yesterday. I called the school who said that its standard practice and appropriate but that they will look to review their practise in future. I haven't received a single piece of communication from the school in terms of who my daughter's teacher will be, no welcome letter, no meet the teacher date for me, nothing. Grrrrr. AIBU?

OP posts:

mrsjay · 19/06/2013 09:47

but the reason they dont tell them that mrs X y or Z is coming so they dont get nervous the transition to school is a huge thing and to set up some formal introduction can stress kids and perhaps it was a lasyt minute pop in for the teacher, you dont need to prepare her for anything, In all seriousness this is the start of you not being able to control every aspect of your dds school life you need to get used to it ,

WorraLiberty · 19/06/2013 09:47

The most important person in all of this is your DD and she's met her teacher.

You will get to meet her eventually, but you're not the priority here.

Original poster

Pealicious · 19/06/2013 09:47

yeah - you lots are probably right - i'm probably getting my knickers in a twist over nothing :)

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 19/06/2013 09:48

I think the issue is that the school hasn't communicated much at all, which, imo, is unusual these days.

My DGC has already had one morning in his new class, and has two more to come, with a parents' meeting one evening. And as the nursery is attached to the school the teacher pops over regularly.

I don't think the OP needed to be told about the visit specifically, but she does need more communication from the school.

DontmindifIdo · 19/06/2013 09:49

your anger is wrongly directed, the nursery will have planned this, coordinated with the school, arranged a suitable time for the visit. They should have informed you - DS is currently a year behind your DD, but I've already seen in the weekly e-mail I get from his nursery firstly requesting information about which schools each DC is going too (for the ones a year older who are going this year), then informing that they would be arranging visits from the school. The nursery should be the ones who've informed you this was happening, because they should have checked you wanted them to do it.

ChewingOnLifesGristle · 19/06/2013 09:49

Lol you need to pace yourself Pea. Your dd is going to be at school for a long time. There'll be plenty of opportunities for Grrrrr and phoning the school to come. The trick is knowing when and when not to. This is doesn't even appear as a blip on the scale.

Tailtwister · 19/06/2013 09:49

I agree that it's a bit odd to be annoyed that the teacher made a visit to the nursery. However, doesn't the school send out letters to let people know who their child's class teacher will be? What about details of the settling in process? Is it the lack of information you're annoyed about OP?

We had a parent's meeting with the teacher where she explained what she would like the children to be able to do before the start of term (basically dress themselves!), stationary requirements, snack rules etc. Then the children go to meet her and see their classroom later this week. I've heard of home visits and think they are a wonderful idea, but imo a nursery visit is good too.

Lancelottie · 19/06/2013 09:49

Presumably your DD will have school visits planned as well, though, and you'll be able to chat to her about those in advance?

I can still remember the shock when DS (who has some special needs) was on work experience, aged 14, and we had the following conversation:
L: Did you do anything interesting today?
DS: Yeah, went to London, went on a building site for a few hours, was good...

I was so used to everything being risk-assessed and signed off in triplicate that I couldn't get my head round him being somewhere I didn't know about for several hours!

OddBoots · 19/06/2013 09:49

I work in an early years setting, when teachers come to visit they aren't always the specific teacher for the incoming child, they may be the head of foundation or another teacher in the reception year.

The main point of the visit is information sharing from one group of professionals to another so the kinds of things discussed won't be the same things parents would talk about and it's quite normal for the child not to be there at all, it is the paperwork that is the focus.

For what it is worth is us us, the current setting, who tell parents when possible as we are the ones with more contact with the family at this point, I wouldn't expect the school to do it.

squeakytoy · 19/06/2013 09:50

that isnt a keen interest in her life, that is an overkeen interest bordering on ridiculous..

they didnt send her out on a day trip with her new teacher did they?

Original poster

Pealicious · 19/06/2013 09:51

yeah its the lack of info - i haven't received one single piece of comms from the school to date.
ChewingOnLifesGristle - you make a very good point :)

OP posts:

OddBoots · 19/06/2013 09:52

Oh, and here the decisions about who will be teaching which class aren't formalised until 4th July and visits to the new teacher happen on that day, that is a town-wide thing for all the children in all the primary years (including those going up to secondary).

Tailtwister · 19/06/2013 09:55

I just think you're feeling anxious about the whole thing OP, which is understandable. It's calming to know what's happening when and to feel prepared as a parent. It's always easy looking back to say you overreacted or worried too much over your DC starting school for the first time. I'm sure you'll start getting some communication from the school soon. Do you know any other parents you could ask? They might be able to tell you when/what to expect.

annh · 19/06/2013 09:55

What kind of "preparation" exactly did you think your daughter needed before meeting her new teacher - informally, in her usual nursery environment where she is most comfortable? What exactly would you have discussed with her which would have improved the experience? Was your daughter traumatised after this meeting?

MidniteScribbler · 19/06/2013 09:57

The point is that the teachers want to meet the children in a familiar environment in an informal way. Sit down and draw a picture with them, have a chat. WITHOUT mummy hanging over their shoulder going "Little MahaliaJane show teacher how you can hop on one leg and rub your tummy at the same time. Show teacher how you can solve mathematical equations with a piece of playdoh and a matchbox car."

ChewingOnLifesGristle · 19/06/2013 09:59

I'm an old hand at this now, but I can totally see why you're feeling tense. Looking back I'd have probably been stressing similarly when dd1 started and it does feel like an enormous step. Relax Pea it'll be fine.

You're right in that the school should have some communication with you but I'm sure they will be doing all that fairly soon now.

I seem to remember some meetings for new parents explaining all the ins and outs of what to expect.

LIZS · 19/06/2013 10:03

Presumably your dd isn't the only one going to that school so it wasn't arranged specifically for her ? The teacher dropped by to say hello, not to give her a formal interview or medical .

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 19/06/2013 10:03

Wow I think you're getting tough ride on here!

I actually agree, but I think it's to do with the transition into a school system. I have a 3 yr old and I'd feel very odd about nursery & school arranging something without involving me!

As he gets older i'll be happy to hand over his care and decisions but for the next couple of years I will be expecting to be involved in key introductions and decisions.

I think a meeting at nursery is a lovely idea, but you should have been told it was happening - maybe not the exact time, but that it would happen in the next couple of weeks.

I don't know why people are being sneery about you wanting to be in the loop on it, very odd!

Original poster

Pealicious · 19/06/2013 10:04

Thanks ChewingOnLifesGristle
Thanks for your helpful comments, guys - most of them ;) - and I'll be sure not to invite the vampires in...

OP posts:

Tailtwister · 19/06/2013 10:06

I agree DoubleLife, OP is getting a hard time.

It's easy to forget how anxious you can be about your DC starting school for the first time. Picking apart her OP when it's obvious she's just feeling naturally unsettled about her child taking this first step isn't helpful.

Original poster

Pealicious · 19/06/2013 10:06

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved - thanks - at least i'm not losing the plot!
LIZS - yes she is the only one going to that school.
I just wish i had known it was on the cards - that's all - don't need a date and time but just would have liked to have known.

OP posts:

LIZS · 19/06/2013 10:12

I bet somewhere on website or in a newsletter it will have mentioned visits from/to schools in the final term.

JellyMould · 19/06/2013 10:15

Actually, I'd be calling the school and checking they have your contact details correct. It's unusual to have received no contact details at all ime.

JellyMould · 19/06/2013 10:16

Unusual to have had no contact at all I mean

Original poster

Pealicious · 19/06/2013 10:17

LIZS unfortuntaly not - I haven't received a news letter or any communication whatsoever and there is nothing on the website. I guess you think by saying that that it would have been preferable if they had mentioned it...?
Which is exactly my point.

OP posts:

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