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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stag do/holiday

38 replies

BettyBoo246 · 18/06/2013 19:46

Hi all
My bf is best man next year at a wedding and he has been asked to sort out the stag do (also next year) the groom has insisted it's abroad for 3-4 days! So AIBU to think its really selfish of him to go? He's 25, this is our first baby, lo will be around 1 when he goes. I just feel he has responbilities and priorities now and how could he want to leave lo for that long already! Plus why the hell should he get a nice 'holiday' away from reality, we will both be parents and therefore both have an equal responsibility in looking after our child! AIBU?

OP posts:
whois · 18/06/2013 19:51

Do you mean your child will be one year old when he goes on the stag do?

If so you are totally fucking U. You can not be for real?

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 18/06/2013 19:53

YAB massively U!

Life outside of his wife and dc can and must carry on - as should your social life. Yes things will change after starting a family but not to that extent!

Babycino81 · 18/06/2013 19:55

YABU. I have no other words, literally. Other than you may not have a BF by the time the stag do arrives if you continue this line of thought/behaviour.

susiedaisy · 18/06/2013 19:55

Depends if you can afford for him to go on the stag do, going abroad for several a days drinking etc could cost hundreds of pounds,

MerryOnMerlot · 18/06/2013 19:56

YABVU. Get over yourself. And plan a weekend away with your own chums at some point if you really feel the need to redress the balance.

FWIW becoming a parent does not mean you stop being everything else!

HollyBerryBush · 18/06/2013 19:56

Unless it is an affordability issue, you aren't joined at the hip - partners are allowed to have a social life.

PickleSarnie · 18/06/2013 19:58

I think the groom is being unreasonable to insist it's abroad for 3-4 days. I think it's ridiculous to expect people to give up holiday and money for a stag/hen do.

However you're also being unreasonable expecting him never to leave you to do something outside your family.

KneeDeepInDaisies · 18/06/2013 19:58

YABU unless you are massively in debt. Is there more to this? Do you trust him?

HazelnutinCaramel · 18/06/2013 19:58

You can still have a life after having a baby you know.

Just make sure you have a weekend away as well though, it should be equal.

chirpchirp · 18/06/2013 20:00

YABU, yes he will have responsibilities but he should be able to maintain a social life outside of his family duties. If it's down to money I can slightly understand but it's a year away and that's plenty of time to save up.

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 18/06/2013 20:02

No it's not about trust honestly - he's been on loads of stag do's since we've been together! I don't know I just kinda feel I wouldn't want to go away for 4 days in another country when I've only been a mum for 10-12mths - would feel too soon??

OP posts:
grobagsforever · 18/06/2013 20:02

Sorry you sound very young and insecure.

NoRainNoRainbow · 18/06/2013 20:03

Yabvu you are his partner not his keeper. Having a baby does not mean the world stops and revolves around you over a year later.

He can save up his own money in the next year and use that to go.

End of.

HollyBerryBush · 18/06/2013 20:04

Don't you think you can cope?

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 18/06/2013 20:04

Fwiw I wouldn't mind if it was for like a night away in this country! Like stag do's use to be!!

OP posts:
Keztrel · 18/06/2013 20:07

I think its massively unreasonable to ask people to go abroad for hen/stag , unless its made vvv clear that the brides or grooms friends don't have to go if they don't want (but that never happens).

But bloody hell OP yabvu, are you putting yourself and bf under house arrest for a year after baby is born?

Bearbehind · 18/06/2013 20:07

I have split opinions on this.

On one hand I think you are being completey unreasonable in trying to stop him going out with his mates for a few nights in a years time but on the other hand, these Groomzillas who insist on going abroad for their stag dos at a cost equivalent to a family break piss me right off.

NoRainNoRainbow · 18/06/2013 20:07

So your issue is him leaving the country? Are you jealous? Can you not arrange for a girls weekend away?

Is there more to this? How pregnant are you? Do you have family support? Friends with babies?

SanityClause · 18/06/2013 20:09

Am I right in saying your baby hasn't even been born yet?

I think you'll feel quite different when she or he is a year old, and will be perfectly fine with him going away. If you're worried about coping (closer to the time) get a relative or friend to come and stay while he's away, and have a lovely cosy weekend together, doing a few special things.

If the issue is money, then it would be reasonable to discuss this with him, but there is a year to budget.

cardibach · 18/06/2013 20:11

Really? The baby will be a year old and you think it will be too soon for one of you to be away for a few days? YABU

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 18/06/2013 20:13

I'm 35 weeks atm, n yes it's the fact he'll be in another country for nearly a week! I know I could go away too but I really feel I wouldn't want to be another country so far away from our first child - maybe if it was like our 2nd or 3rd and I had some experience of how I would be feeling in a years time then it might be different!

OP posts:
Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 18/06/2013 20:15

Yes my big problem is as this is our first i really don't know how I am going to feel in a years time? But the stag do us being booked in the next few weeks so think this is why I have gone off on one so badly!

OP posts:
Bambi27 · 18/06/2013 20:15

My husband went on a stag whilst I was pregnant and that was fine. I have to be honest and say if it was a random person I would sort of see your point but only really as my husband is self employed so holidays are expensive and precious...however he is best man of course he has to go!!!

EverybodysStressyEyed · 18/06/2013 20:16

my dh is frequently out of the country for work, sometimes he stays an extra couple of days to meet up with friends.

I was left alone with toddler and 4 week old for a week! Personally, I couldn't have done it but I'm not going to begrudge him.

Also, by the time your baby is a year old you will be an old hand at this parenting malarkey.

NoRainNoRainbow · 18/06/2013 20:24

I was left alone for 4 weeks with a 8 week old due to a death in XHs family on the other side of the world.

You cope, you just do, by the time they are 1 you will be absolutely fine. This is a bit PFB. Let him book it, you can't stop him and if you give him grief about it he will just resent you. It's such a long time away you will feel completly differently when the time comes.

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