To think that a classic ghost story, with classic ingredients, DOES NOT INCLUDE A TOWER!

[Salmotrutta]

Towers with secret doors are FOR FAIRYTALES.

Not ghost stories.

FGS.

More to the point:

Direct quote:

?You've seen him nowhere but on the tower??
?And on this spot just now.?
Mrs. Grose looked round again. ?What was he doing on the tower??

I am making a face of slappable smuggery

Viz. ghost stories set in 1940s semis - try Every Day is Mother's Day, Hilary Mantel. And possibly Beyond Black (same)

What about the old gardener who stares off into the middle distance mumbling 'aye twas a nasty business, best not go stirring up the past' and then bustles off with his wheelbarrow.

The creepy village woman would know the vital secret to unlock the ghostly mystery.

But then, she would die, horribly, before passing on the said vital secret.

ACtually those aren't ghost stories. Not really technically.

Don't get me started though. I can get very boring about this.

Oh oh oh oh ARCANE ARTEFACTS UNCOVERED IN DESERT CLIMES

cf. The Exorcist

And MR James "Oh Whistle and I'll Come to You My Lad" which by the way made me too scared to change the bedlinen for weeks

I never liked you Haunted...

Yanbu.

I don't like arcane artefacts.

Or whistling creepily.

We will stay with fun ghost stories I think.

I will allow a turret.

And an attic.

Pale blonde twins dressed in matching Edwardian sailor suits only ever heard giggling mirthlessly and fleeing around corners.

Have you seen ?

I don't find it half as funny as my pals do but it's quite a witty riff on Lovecraft

By the way I am sorry to be shooting my load all over this thread. Ghost stories, you see: by way of being my THING.

The old gardener and creepy village woman exchange knowing glances before being impaled on a garden fork.

See, squoosh, someone (not me) should write a thesis on the role of the faithful retainer (middle distance staring gardener with wheelbarrow) character in British Ghost Stories.

I think that would run.

But who impaled them usual?

No-one can then pass on the secrets...

It's the stoned scene, I love it!

The pale blonde twins know.

I'm going to bed with my Kindle Fire to keep reading and creep myself out.

I read a really good scary story once with a Tower.

The character goes up the Tower in the sunshine and she counts 100 steps.

Then she comes down in a storm, it's all dark, and she counts 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, down and down and down, the steps keep going, her fingernails are getting torn on the wall, the steps keep going down in the dark.....

But was that a ghost story?

The horror... The horror...

The pale blonde Jedward twins grow up, but they know

I'm scared to go to bed!

Best to stay up and drink some more gin, Salmo

Hang on, Tethers is allowed Jedward, but I'm not allowed a tower?

If Jedward are allowed, then I'm out

No, no, no......the Jedwards are from three generations ago. They are heard playing in the maze (gotta be a maze) but people only ever catch a fleeting glance of them.

YY to a maze.

With topiary