to be sick of the inverse snobbery about Grammar Schools?

[MummaEss]

I live in an area which still uses a Grammar School system. I understand that the system is highly controversial to some people and I do not start this thread with the intention of it turning into a heated debate about the pro's and con's of said system.

My issue is that having a daughter who attends the local High School, I am often left feeling almost embarrassed and apologetic about this fact when talking to people who's children attend a Secondary School. So often when I talk to other mothers about schools, the minute they find out that my daughter attends a Grammar, I get a long speil about how Grammar Schools are hothouses and put too much pressure on the kids, the fact they are often single sex will leave the kids socially awkward, the rumours of Grammar kids who 'burn out' or go off the rails etc etc etc. This is then followed by raving reports of how amazing the Secondary is and how fabulously their offspring are doing. These are often (but not always) the same people who eagerly looked round the Grammars before their children took the test.

Now don't get me wrong, we are indeed lucky to have some very good Secondary schools in my area. I myself passed my 12 plus many years ago and opted for the Secondary over the High School as I felt it suited me better. I do not think either type of school is better than the other, just that both suit different children.

If I were to turn the tables and slate the Secondary schools to a mum who's child attends and then rave about how superior the Grammar School that my daughter attends is and how well she is doing, I would be branded a horrendous, arrogant snob and rightly so.

Soooo aibu to expect a bit more tact and less venom from non Grammar Mums?

I think it depends on the school and the area.

Ooh ,that's fighting talk that is.

But those other mothers probably perceive you as producing a spiel about how marvellous the grammar school is and how the other secondaries are dumping grounds for inferior children. If you are truly happy with your choice, why do you care what the other mothers say?

It's almost certainly a feeling of insecurity. I feel the opposite, I feel my son is judged unfairly because he's not going to grammar school (maybe we live in the same area) Just ignore them op, your child is at grammar school, which is fab :)

I'm so glad I live in a comprehensive area with none of this school angst.

You must move in funny circles, op. None of this ever gets spoken about within my group of friends, whose dc go to all sorts of different schools just bitched about on Mumsnet

I personsally have never met someone comment on that before about the DDs' grammar schools or vice versa. Snobbery- inversed or not- isn't right.

Are you in Birmingham, OP? People there are INSANE about the grammar schools.

Does your Dd go to a single sex school? I would just reply that it was the best school for her and leave it at that. Do people really spend so much time talking about schools? I have friends who kids are in all sorts of schools private/local/religious/Montessori etc and we might chat at this time of year about the exams, or people might ask advice but that is that.

Like abortion and religion school choice grammar, private, secondary, local vs outstanding distant primary should never be discussed except with a very carefully chosen audience.

I think certain friends are 100% right to send their DCs to grammar and private schools. I know others who would have done fine at their local schools and saved lots of hassel and expense.

No way would I call their parents on their choices.

My only problem is that it's not available everywhere! Im in Newcastle and thereis not one anywhere near us.

there was I wouldn't get so annoyed and jealous

I genuinely don't have a bad word to say about the Secondary schools. Maybe it is the types of people who I talk to then.I just find it a little offensive when people feel they can slate my daughters school to my face when I would never dream of doing so to anyone, no matter what I thought of the school.

Had a slightly similar experience when I was younger - I went to a private school for a short period of time - and occasionally when I'd meet new people and they'd ask which school I went to, their (previously friendly and normal) attitude to me would change.

Grammar school mums are so smug that nothing needs to be said.

We have an ex grammar near us that still seems to be more highly regarded than the other comp. Both comprehensives, both in the same city, both get very good results.

Its weird.

Seriously JustinBsMum

Reverse snobbery is very fashionable these days.

My personal opinion is that they should bring back grammar schools, they allow the very bright to focus on academia and be pushed; of course the secondary moderns should not be allowed to become second rate - if managed properly they can be excellent for those pupils not as academically motivated or able, allowing for a wider vocational subject choice.

I also believe that single sex secondary schools are a good idea for the initial 3 years, then the sexes should mix from 4th year onward.

I went to both a single sex grammar and a comprehensive and gained a great deal from both, but in very different ways.

What is the difference between a secondary school and a high school? i thought they were both the same and then if you were bright you went to Grammar school.
My dh went to a selective Grammar and he is no different to me, ok his education was better, he gained O levels and I didn't and his command of English is exceptional. But in terms of career/ jobs, or even opportunities, he has had no more than me.
I think Grammar schools are fine, its the rest of the schools that need an overhaul.
OP, take no notice of what anyone else says or thinks, if my dc had been very bright and we lived in Grammar area we would have have gone for it, who wouldn't. Unless they had exceptional state schools too.

You can talk about it until the cows come home at nursery or in Y5-Y6, but once a child has a place at a school, be quiet.

Parents are very defensive of their choices.

For my own part DD2 would get a better education at the grammar, possibly not be as happy as she'd have way less free time, but she didn't want to go and I'm not sure how you force a child to do practice papers if they don't want to.

Agree - so much crapston villas spouted about the grammars here
They are nothing like they appear to be being perceived ...
As for justinbsmum - silly

I am interested about those of you who think Grammar mums are smug. If your children would have had the option and you felt they would progress well at a Grammar, would you have turned down the opportunity?

Genuine question. As I said in my OP I did indeed do this myself.

That's confusing, my dd goes to grammar and the other school s are called High Schools. kent

I tend to find people want to justify that their child's way better than mine socially, which is true and would have been true wherever she went

I took DS2(16) took look round a grammar school for 6th form. He went in his jeans and t-shirt, most of the other kids were there in suits, or shirts and ties, the teachers and students were looking down their noses at us and not approaching DS2 to speak to him so we were really put off.

We went into one classroom and one of the students was one of DS1's friends, so she chatted to DS2. As soon as the teacher overheard DS2 had been picked to go to a Science residential school over Easter at Cambridge University they were all over him. It was so false and snobby it was unbelievable.

DS2 is going to the sixth form where his brother has been for the last two years, and has done much better (so far) than the youngsters who left their comprehensive to go to the 6th Form at the Grammar.

My DD could have got into grammar but didn't want to go to single sex school.
There was one grammar in our area (for each sex) so those who got in were la crème de la crème, and the mums were sooooo proud.
Don't think my other DCs would have got in so I was happy to have mine at the same school.

To be honest it depends on the child, some children are better off in a non-grammar school whereas some do better in a grammar school.

Some people thrive under pressure, some don't but no one should look down on anyone for the school they go to, grammar or non-grammar, so you aren't being unreasonable in my opinion