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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to have to put up with DH behaving like a spoiled child?

38 replies

Kirky12 · 13/06/2013 20:07

I have just come home to a temper tantrum from my DH after a long day at work. Started to ask if I could go to read to DS2 who wasn't asleep - house was a mess. he basically smashed the broom over the kitchen table and when I said would you like to go out for a bit, he told me to get out. Shut up etc etc. I left and have come to the pub and ordered a glass of wine. I'm sure he expected me to hang around to be verbally abused until he'd let off steam. He works from hme one day a week, this is the ONLY day he has to do the kids on his own from 315- 730... Surely this is just behaving like a twat!

OP posts:

cansu · 13/06/2013 20:11

Yes he is behaving like a twat and you did the right thing leaving him to it. I have had a similar experience this am with dh. I don't really have any other words of wisdom except to call him on his behaviour every single time and consider whether he also has good points. That is my current plan of action.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 13/06/2013 20:12

He smashed the broom over the kitchen table?

headlesslambrini · 13/06/2013 20:15

you left your DC's there? will he take it out on them now that you are not there?

Original poster

Kirky12 · 13/06/2013 20:16

It is rather reminiscent of a 3 year old who has a tantrum to get attention...I blame the MIL she pandered too much to him but it makes me cross because the oldest DS was awake and could hear him bashing around. Basically he has no idea how to look After the kids 2.5 and 4.5.... And he can't cope hence build up of frustration but still I can't hack it. Surely he must learn sometime or do some men just never get kids? AIBU to expect him to actually learn for one day a week to cope on his own for 3 -4 hrs?? Does anyone else have a DH soooo incapable?

OP posts:

Original poster

Kirky12 · 13/06/2013 20:17

No he would never touch the kids cansu and yes basically smashed the broom on the kitchen table...I mean where does that come from....always objects never me or children ?

OP posts:

attheendoftheday · 13/06/2013 20:33

Sorry, but that sounds like a pretty abusive way to behave, very intimidating. Do you think he'll be sorry later?

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 13/06/2013 20:35

Sorry to be blunt, but your husband sounds like a twat, not like a toddler.

pictish · 13/06/2013 20:38

Does he often verbally abuse you OP?

AnyFucker · 13/06/2013 20:44

Your husband is a fucking tool

Why are you with him ?

Tell him to leave, or take your kids and get out of this abusive atmosphere

AnyFucker · 13/06/2013 20:46

He would never touch the kids ? So if the end of the broom flew off and took a kids eye out, it would be a pure accident, yes ?

have a word with yourself

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/06/2013 20:49

Has this sort of thing happened before?

livinginwonderland · 13/06/2013 20:49

He sounds like an idiot. Why do you put up with him?

NatashaBee · 13/06/2013 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana · 13/06/2013 20:52

He might never touch the kids but he is hurting them with his behaviour. Are you ok with that?

WorraLiberty · 13/06/2013 20:52

Why does he struggle to look after his kids for just over 4hrs?

Any history of depression/stress?

Original poster

Kirky12 · 13/06/2013 20:57

You're are all right, writing it down suddenly makes it seem more for what it is. He's always thrown these fits, his parents see the way he behaves and NEVER say anything. It is mainly when he feels unable to cope, and that's now caused by kids. Although in the past the practicalities of life - losing stuff, being disorganised etc etc have set it off. That's what I mean about childlike....i do wonder if he's mildly Aspergers as he seems to find nor al stuff really difficult. And the kids impossible to read!

OP posts:

LookingForwardToMarch · 13/06/2013 20:57

I do feel sympathy for you op but i'm also quite surprised you left your dc's with him while he was in that state of mind?

Isn't smashing objects a red flag?

AnyFucker · 13/06/2013 21:02

Why can't he cope with his own kids ? How pathetic. I suspect he simply doesn't want to

has he been diagnosed with Aspberger's, btw...don't use that as an easy cop out for his shiteness, it is insulting to those truly on the spectrum

Original poster

Kirky12 · 13/06/2013 21:02

I don't know about red flag. the kids were in bed. I know he wouldn't do anything really it's not about them...it's about him...normally I would have stayed incase they came downstairs but tonight I just couldn't face being the focus of the de- stress. It's just too much. He has just called and left a message but I have no desire to go back yet....

OP posts:

Original poster

Kirky12 · 13/06/2013 21:04

Really not using that as a cop out - my DS has been monitored for it so that's what made me think he might Also have undiagnosed issues. Otherwise you are right he just doesn't want to...which may be the case.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 13/06/2013 21:08

You did the right thing actually to get away from the drama

You can't do that every time though, can you ?

What if one of the dc's woke up, and got in the way of flying flak from one of his ridiculous tantrums ?

try explaining that down the paediatric A+E....hellooooo social services referral when your kids start telling people daddy shouts and smashes things

is that the kind of family you want your kids to live in ? Is that what you pictured as you cooed over that first scan photo ?

HearMyRoar · 13/06/2013 21:11

I think you need to tell him that this behaviour is not acceptable and that he needs to get help in finding some coping strategies to deal with his frustration. It must be horrible waiting spending your life waiting for the next explosions and as the kids get older they will become increasingly aware of needing to walk on eggshells around him or risk him losing it. That's really not a nice way to grow up, I can tell you that from experience.

BabetteAteOatmeal · 13/06/2013 21:12

It sounds like a tantrum to me, not acceptable to bash objects and shout at the OP but abusive is overstating it a bit, isn't it?

He clearl finds the days when h has DCs on his own stressful. I'm not clear from the post - was he trying to work from home whilst looking after them? At their ages this is hardly going to happen so of course he's stressed. Could he maybe spend the 4 hours doing planned activities with them (swimming, library, art, playground etc) then do the work in he evening when they're asleep? I do this and though tiring it's an infinitely better option than trying to work with two children nagging for attention.

Original poster

Kirky12 · 13/06/2013 21:14

Nope, and I think I probably know that deep down. I am a one parent family with someone who probably would prefer to live in the house without responsibility dad. Not sure if I mean that but it's the way it feels... I work but I do think it would be better if I did all the childcare. BUT I love my job and my kids.

OP posts:

pictish · 13/06/2013 21:15

Does he often verbally abuse you? Sorry to ask again.

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