Vegetarian Question...

[MrsFruitcake]

Not an AIBU, but more of a was he BU?

Friend of many years came to visit for Sunday lunch. She has been a vegetarian since forever and we obviously know this. She also knows that we all eat meat.

Lunch was lamb with provision made for her in the form of nut cutlet or some such. She then proceeded to pour gravy all over her lunch and then was upset when it was pointed out that it had been made with the meat juice. She is still upset with DH weeks on as she blames him for this.

My Q is this - if you were a vegetarian visiting a family who you know are all meat eaters, would you assume the gravy is meat free?

I'm not a vege, but I would always assume that gravy served on table to go with meat would be meaty.
V odd.

One of my friends used to bring her own red bistro with her so she could have veggie meat tasting gravy :-)

I am a vegetarian and I always check about gravy, but it would have been nice of you to have provided an alternative for her.

No. She's so into it that she doesn't think about other people, is my guess. She assumed you'd catered for her the same as she would cater for herself.

(Although perhaps you SHOULD have thought about the gravy )

I'm a veggie and wouldn't go near the gravy without checking first. It's fair to assume it's meaty. Also, good for you for doing something veggie for her anyway. You're definitely NBU.

Blimey I wouldn't provide veggie gravy and I'm a veggie! We're a weird bunch, in the minority, and we should be grateful if someone throws a carrot our way imo. It's bloody annoying catering for us. Let us starve!

did she eat the lunch?

I wouldn't assume it is meat free if I was vegetarian I would always ask, her fault and YANBU.

Has anyone else seen the Lidl posters on billboards just now with big slabs of steak, parma ham etc and the slogan "vegetarians look away now". I wonder if they've had many complaints about them, they would certainly make me a bit if I was a vegetarian, seems a bit like saying "everyone else loves meat and will buy loads of it so tough shit".

I'm veggie and would always check, starting from the assumption that it's not.

Unreasonable of her to just assume ....
Unreasonable of the chef not to think about a veggie gravy option......

However, as the mother of one long standing veggie in a family full of meat eaters ..... "meat happens"! she needs to get over the incident!!

I'm veggie and always check first
also check about the potatoes as some people cook them in the meat juice

I'm a veggie and would probably check, but I might assume that the gravy would be like the potatoes and side vegetables, ie that you'd make it vegetarian (even if you don't normally) so that I could share it.

I've had roasts at meat eaters houses and they've always made veggie gravy for my nut roast (or at least told me they have, which in my book is good enough as I'm not strict!)

I'm veggie and would always check the gravy at a restaurant, aquaintances or good friends I don't see often, but on the other hand I have some very good friends who I eat with all the time who would have told me if the gravy wasn't vegetarian as they would only serve sides/gravy I could eat - anything non veg they'd serve up or keep to one side.

BUT I think in this situation, unless she eats with you all the time then and your food has always been suitable for her in the past then SHE is BU not you.

Either way I'd be telling her to get the fuck over it already

Sounds like she just didn't think, then felt upset, then felt the need to blame that on someone, which isn't nice at all of course.

Yes, she should have thought to ask. You could have thought to provide some veggie gravy. So I can see how, seeing only one jug of gravy, she might think it was suitable for everyone - but I'd have asked.

I can understand her not thinking, just acting reflexively. I have to remind myself occasionally that, just because all the samosas, spring rolls, stuffed vine leaves, gravy etc that find their way into our house are veggie, that does not mean that these things are veggie per se. Obvious of course but, very rarely, I've had to remind myself when about to pick one up at an unlabelled buffet for example.

in veggie but in this case i world assume the gravy Is meaty

I have had other people pour meaty gravy on my nut cutlet (for me, ruining my entire meal), more than once. That's them acting reflexively and not being used to catering for veggies. Very frustrating!

I think if you'd made her a meat & two veg meal with a meat replacement she would assume the gravy was suitable for all. But she should get over it now as it wasn't intentional on your part.

I am veggie and I would have asked before I poured it all over my food!!

I would check with the host before assuming anything was veggie. I wouldn't expect special veggie gravy and I would also check if the roast potatoes had been cooked using meat fat.

Honestly, I'm grateful for anyone who makes anything special for veggies. I'm really conscious of the extra work it causes. I'd be happy to just eat veg if that's all there is for me (and pudding). Your friend is BVU

I'm vegan and definitely would have checked first!

If there was meat on the table, I would assume the gravy was meaty too. If I wanted gravy, I would certainly check before pouring it on my food.

YA sort of NBU. I personally would have checked before taking the gravy. But I also think you should tell a vegetarian guest what food on the table is appropriate for them.

I do know people that only make a veg gravy when I'm coming, perhaps your friend is used to the same and didn't think. Or, she might have simply not known/forgotten than gravy is often made from meat.

It would have been nice to provide a veg gravy (even if just instant granule stuff) if everyone else has gravy, and she is eating something dry like a nut roast.

Bit U on both sides I'd say.

As a veggie, it's really annoying having dry dinners. She should have checked, but it would have been nice if you'd made some for her (If I'm catering for meat eaters I make veggie gravy, put some aside for me and then put the meat juice in for the carnies)

I'm vegetarian and would always check gravy. If you were nice enough to offer a veggie option for her, and then she throws it back in your face-jeez.

Also, to still be upset with it weeks later?