Vegetarian Question...

[MrsFruitcake]

Not an AIBU, but more of a was he BU?

Friend of many years came to visit for Sunday lunch. She has been a vegetarian since forever and we obviously know this. She also knows that we all eat meat.

Lunch was lamb with provision made for her in the form of nut cutlet or some such. She then proceeded to pour gravy all over her lunch and then was upset when it was pointed out that it had been made with the meat juice. She is still upset with DH weeks on as she blames him for this.

My Q is this - if you were a vegetarian visiting a family who you know are all meat eaters, would you assume the gravy is meat free?

I would have no problem with meat being labelled as dead pigs back leg. Despite the opinion of many vegetarians about meat eaters, I am well aware of where meat comes from. I don't pretend it is anything other than what it is, and I've made the decision to eat meat. I don't know why it's acceptable for a vegetarian like my workmate to make comments like "how's your corpse?" while I'm eating, yet get snarky if someone dares to question their own choices. (sorry am a bit sensitive this morning after workmate had yet another go at me about my bacon and egg sandwich)

If you have special dietary needs, for whatever reason, then you check before eating. Would you expect someone with a nut allergy to not ask before they started eating what was safe for them? Of course not. If there is something you can't eat, then you check before putting it in your mouth.

Become a vegetarian midnight then you can have your whole diet picked apart by everyone, even within seconds of finding out you are a vegetarian. You can then spend your time knocking away comments about child abuse because your kids eat veggy or in fact just explaining why veggy food looks like "meat" all the time by random twats who think they are clever. Which is what I was responding to in the first place. But you know go ahead and ignore that. And keep eating your heated cured bacon and pretending it;s just the same as eating a freshly killed piece of animal.

You're in the majority. We're not. You can handle it.

Thanks for proving my point Hullmum.

I don't give a shit what you eat. I don't give a shit what your kids eat.

So stop commenting on my food. Unless you want me to start giving you a running commentary of exactly how the pig who gave its life to be part of my sandwich was killed.

Because I was standing right there when he was slaughtered, after spending his early life rooting around in the paddock of my property. I know exactly where my meat comes from. Just look out my back window. The new lambs are destined for my table in the future. The cow hasn't got long to go. Because I actually care about where my meat comes from is why I raise most of it myself so I know what sort of life it has and how it is killed.

So bugger off commenting on my food.

Eating a bacon and egg sandwich at work is rather gross.

???

Good grief, now they're policing what I can eat. Tell me, what would be acceptable in your little lexicon of what I can eat for breakfast?

Geez, if it weren't for bacon and egg sandwiches, most of the teaching faculty here would starve.

I would have thought it's fairly obvious work etiquette not to stink out a confined space with eggs and bacon! They reek.

I don't care what you eat, you're the one with a chip on your shoulder. trust me the vegetarians aren't out to get you. Maybe you get comments at work because you have a bad attitude?

And yes, I know how animals are slaughtered for food..hence being a vegetarian

Did it not occur to you that your veggie colleague is only making comments because you're stinking the place out!!

DH was on a blanket bacon ban for the whole of my pregnancy with dd. It does reek.

Try a ham sandwich one morning and see if she complains as much!

I don't think me eating the last few bites of a sandwich made and home and eaten on the way to work is going to stink out the staff room. Besides, half the staff are eating the same thing, although their's a purchased from the shop next door, who would probably go out of business if not for the bacon and egg addiction of the staff here.

Since we're going to be the food police, can I ban my vegetarian colleague from the heating up her disgusting smelling lentil curry in the staff microwave and stinking out the staff room? Or the person who eats a tin of tuna everyday?

No? Then stop worrying about my food choices and worry about your own.

I'm really surprised she thought the gravy would be veg when you were eating lamb!

You're awfully grumpy midnight. Must be all the meat. Try a lentil curry you'll feel so light and full of moral superiority.

I love a good lentil curry. The operative word being "good". Hers does not smell good at all.

Yes, I am grumpy today. But it's because of this one person having yet another dig at me this morning. I've had enough of it. And I have said that if she doesn't stop, I will make a formal complaint. I'm not the only staff member sick of it. If she were making comments about someone's appearance then it would be considered unacceptable, but she thinks it is ok because it is about dietary choices. We have six other staff at various levels of vegetarian, vegan and other food choices, and always make sure they are catered for at staff events or when we go out. None of them find it necessary to carry on like she does.

I agree with a few of the comments. As a vegan, it's always hard with gravy! It would have been nice of you to offer it, but certainly not needed.

Bit of both really.

She should have checked and you guys should have mentioned it.

Not much you can do about it now though.

So she either gets over it or she doesn't, her choice.

It was pointed out that it was made with meat juice as she poured it on but she ate it anyway.

DH is known for his love of all things meaty and therefore would not consider a fully vegetarian meal over the offer of a leg of lamb - that makes him sound like an arse - he's not, he just asserts that it's his right to choose to eat meat as much as anyone elses not to iyswim? And he does the cooking of every Sunday lunch so it's his fault right?

Friend and I are fine, she is still hurt by DHs' actions.

Glad she ate it anyway OP. maybe she feels guilty.

Holly you wally. Way to make yourself look stupid.
I have never seen soya or quorn shaped into a chicken, pig or fish shape. And I ate more quorn as a slimming world-attempting meat eater than I ever do now (ie only at other people's houses).

I'm a foodie. My veg diet is varied and fantastic but one of the things I miss is proper gravy. It's very hard to make a good veggie gravy, and I can't bear granule-based gloop. Anyone got a good recipe?

I've been veggie almost all my life. I wouldn't dream of pouring gravy on without asking about its possible meatiness.

Bit mean not to provide veggie gravy, though.

I hated gravy as a kid, so something I always avoided.
When I was a adult vegetarian I had no idea gravy was made of meat (didn't understand what gravy was).
But if I had used it and then been advised it had meat juices, I would have shrugged it off & eaten it anyway. Not blamed anyone or worried in the slightest.
so yanbu.

She knew but ate it anyway? Then being upset is inexplicable.

Did she believe you wouldn't / couldn't offer a replacement for the food she'd just ruined? Doesn't explain eating it but might explain feeling a bit put out, at he time.

I'm a veggie. I'd have assumed the gravy was meaty. However, I think it would have been nice to have offered a sauce to go with the nut roast, as it's very dry otherwise. When I serve nut roast (usually at Christmas), I make a mushroom and sherry sauce to go with it (from Sarah Brown's Vegetarian Kitchen). 'Tis delish.

I've been veggie for over 25 years. I have never, ever assumed that anything like gravy is vegetarian. I probably wouldn't even ask about it - I'd just assume that for gravy, the default position is meat.

Occasionally restaurants provide veggie gravy on request, and my MIL always does for Sunday roasts, but she always points it out.

Right then, my 'made it up as I went along' recipe for veggie gravy. I say recipe, it's a set of ingredients, you'd need to adjust quantities to taste and taste as you go along, to check.

Fry some onions until brown
(Optionally, add mushrooms or leek and/or garlic, bit of chilli)
Stir in some white flour
Add stock, stirring in gradually to blend then thicken
Add your choice of; soy sauce or marmite, Dijon mustard, herbs (other e.g. mushroom ketchup, nutritional yeast, whatever's in your cupboard you think would be nice. Careful not to add too much soy, marmite and stock, they're all very salty)
Season

I use veg bouillon for stock. You can make your own. I'd do that for say a risotto recipe that comes with a stock recipe but use gravy for more robust, simple food, which is what this 'basic' recipe is for.

Lunch was lamb with provision made for her in the form of nut cutlet or some such.

It doesn't sound like you pushed the boat out for your long standing vegetarian friend. You could have pointed out at the outset what was ok for her to eat, and a vegetarian sauce would have been a good ideaif the gravy was meat based. I think if someone's a vegetarian/has other dietary requirements, it's nice to be offered an alternative, rather than feel they're missing out.