Vegetarian Question...

[MrsFruitcake]

Not an AIBU, but more of a was he BU?

Friend of many years came to visit for Sunday lunch. She has been a vegetarian since forever and we obviously know this. She also knows that we all eat meat.

Lunch was lamb with provision made for her in the form of nut cutlet or some such. She then proceeded to pour gravy all over her lunch and then was upset when it was pointed out that it had been made with the meat juice. She is still upset with DH weeks on as she blames him for this.

My Q is this - if you were a vegetarian visiting a family who you know are all meat eaters, would you assume the gravy is meat free?

YANBU
I'm a veggie, and would assume the gravy was meaty unless told otherwise. I would ask before pouring it all over my food too!

I'm not sure. If you were providing a veggie meal for her I don't think she's BU to assume everything that was made available to her was veggie. But she should have double checked before putting it all over her food.

She's still upset weeks later?!? Fuck me she sounds hard work.

Erm gravy is meat juices it isn't vegetarian. She wouldn't have expected you to tell her that the lamb is not veggie would she? I don't understand and no yanbu

SWBU to not ask. YWBU to not tell her.

She is being ridiculous to be upset about it weeks later.

Did she eat it before she knew there was meat in it?

If she did then YABU and you should have told her and I can understand why she is upset.

If not then YANBU, hope you offered her a cheese sandwich but can't understand why she's upset.

Did she actually eat it?

I'd probably check but gravy is the nicest part IMO of roast dinners so I would be pretty unhappy if I had been told I was catered for then had to have the meal dry. If I'd have known in advance I would have brought granules with me but I wouldn't think to do that unless I was warned. Gravy is a key part of a roast meal in my family, veggie or not!

Apparently Bisto beef gravy is vegetarian, but SWBU to automatically assume yours would be. You didn't think to tell her, it wasn't deliberate.

She sounds like hard work. To still be upset weeks later? How precious is that?!

I'm veggie and I always check what I can eat when eating at other people's houses especially gravy.

Another veggie here who would check first as I'd presume it was meaty unless told otherwise.

Yes she should have checked but it was so nice of you to make a nut cutlet specially for her she might have assumed it was meat free too!

We once had a vegan for dinner (yum yum) who didn't like vegetables or spices. Now that was challenging!

But this whole thread has made me chuckle remembering the joke I heard on Mock the Week about the vegetarian option...

I'm vegetarian. I wouldn't assume that the gravy was made from meat juices. Bejeena, gravy isn't necessarily meat juices so it's very different from asking if the lamb is vegetarian. I don't ever use gravy so if it was on the table at a meat-eating friend's house, I probably wouldn't ask what it was made from, I just wouldn't touch it anyway.

But TBH I think I might decline the invitation to that kind of dinner. I might ask to come over after lunch instead!

She should've checked, but you should also have told.

So both unreasonable I think!

I'm veggie and would have assumed that gravy was meaty - IMO it's a part of the meat rather than a side dish to the whole dinner. But I never have gravy of any sort because it makes the lovely crunchy roasties and crispy yorkshires go all soggy.

I did not even knw vegetarian gravy existed! Sounds like an oxymoron.

So maybe, you, like me did not know, let alone it would be expected.

Is she veggie for religious reasons? It might make it harder for her to forgive herself/your DH if she sees it as a sin.

She is BU anyway to still be angry.

FWIW I would have been annoyed but eaten it regardless as I really hate food waste!

I'm hijacking this thread on the back of a lunch time discussion analysis of staff lunch boxes.

Why does the vegetarian have some ghastly soya sausages? I have yet to see a meat eater bring out a bit of beef cunning carved to look like cauliflower florets?

Just why do veggies disguise their preferred food stuffs in meat shapes?

It should have made clear that it wasn't veggie gravy and an alternative should have already been provided.

Holly - not all vegetarians like or eat meat substitutes.

I turned vegetarian in the early 1980s when there weren't all the vegetarian convenience foods (a lot of which are actually targeted at meat eaters who want to cut down, if you look at the promotional material for things like Quorn) and I have never really got into them now they are available. I suppose for a lot of unimaginative people they are a quick, easy chunk of protein to chuck in a lunch box or make a quick meal with. I prefer my vegetarian food to look and taste like vegetarian food.

Though of course there is nothing inherently meaty about the shape of a sausage or burger - they are just easy shapes to form mixtures into for cooking, along with ball shapes, which are equally traditional for meatballs or things like falafels.

Chandon - red bisto gravy granules are actually labelled 'suitable for vegetarians', though personally I wouldn't choose to use something that aims to taste meaty like that.

Oh hark at all you humble veggies, grateful to be allowed some peas. It's not exactly a hardship to stick some frozen veg cutlets or sausages in the oven!
I am veggie. I also have a stock of disgusting chicken nuggets for the meat eating kids that come round ( 'I don't eat vegetarian food' 'really? It's ice cream')

Holly - A lot of people who are veggie still like the taste of meat, they just don't want to eat it for whatever reason. I ate meat as a child and I liked the taste but once I knew where it came from I couldn't justify eating it. Something vegetarian that tastes similar (and IMO some do, or taste different but still very nice!) is a win win.

Having said that I tend not to eat meat substitutes much but that is because of the cost rather than anything else.

This is quite an interesting article about the growing market for meat substitutes, and who buys them.

I used to be a strict vegetarian, and I always checked before eating. To be fair, you probably should have provided veggie gravy - you cant have roast without gravy. That said, it's easy for people who arent used to preparing for veggies to overlook minor details like sauce and gravy (hell, I used to do it to myself!)

It's been weeks . She needs to get over it and learn to ask from now on.