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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you judge a family with very little furntiure/belongings?

308 replies

allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 11:55

Dh and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to get ahead financially/career wise.

Part of this plan means we are living temporarily for around a year at a time in different locations. We hope to be in our forever home by 2016 :)

We have chosen to live very lightly and simply during this time and not collect many belongings/furniture along the way.

At present we are living in a flat which has plenty of built in shelving/cupboards.

All we have as far as furniture is 2 chairs, one desk, one large bean bag, a toddler chair and table, a toddler flip out sofa, highchair, mattresses for ds (2yr) and ourselves and a tv stand with tv.

We dont mind as even though we could get furniture cheaply (through freecycle etc) we know it would be a chore to get rid of again when we move.

I have got to know a few mothers and their children and have been to a few playdates at their very nice houses/flats of varying sizes/budgets but all nicely furnished and decorated.

Compared to their homes ours is very bare and modest. I would like to reciprocate the invitations but I would worry they would judge us about it.

We are both in our 30s so not in the student lifestyle category either.

So would you judge us if you came for a visit?

Also do you have an interesting way I could explain away/embellish our lifestyle choice without going into the details of our 5 year plan which would be very dull indeed.

OP posts:
Raaraathenoisybaby · 11/06/2013 17:58

When I take dd to play dates I only care about two things - her health and safety and whether the host family (if they expect me to stay) make a good cup of tea Grin
Yep think that covers it Grin

Lotkinsgonecurly · 11/06/2013 18:07

I think its fine, maybe freecycle for sofa and bedfor ds then you're sorted!! Do invite people round, if they judge then tney wont go rpund ahsin!!

wonderingsoul · 11/06/2013 18:08

vegan cow. . your just being silly. of course going camping or having a sleep over is not neglect

and nor is not having a bed base if you cant affordnit.

its not even neglectful in the op case. but I dont understand whennshe can afford it but just doesnt because she doesnt want to move it.

Bearbehind · 11/06/2013 18:10

raara are you really saying that if you had to sit in an upright chair in an otherwise empty flat (except for a bean bag, tv and some toys) and had nowhere to even put your cup of tea down, that you would form any kind of conclusion on this family.

Judge is probably the wrong word but I find it hard to believe that anyone would assume anything other than that these people didn't have a pot to piss in, whether due to poverty or repossession or something.

Some people might offer them money or whatever to try and help rather than judging, which doesn't seem very fair when it is all completely avoidable and is self imposed.

KaleyX · 11/06/2013 18:14

I wouldn't judge, because I hate clutter and lots of unnecessary stuff, but where would your guests sit?

Also, why do you need to make up an 'interesting' story? You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

LittleBearPad · 11/06/2013 18:23

I think that I'd think you'd just moved in and you were waiting for the rest of your furniture to arrive, sorry.

I wouldn't personally be happy without a sofa and a few other home comforts but that's me. I need my home to be my refuge.

2016 feels a long way away to be doing without a few creature comforts. I hope your forever house is worth it.

scottishmummy · 11/06/2013 18:25

in minimal home I'd assume v rich,and into minimalist architecture

Raaraathenoisybaby · 11/06/2013 18:30

No I wouldn't judge....I would be politely asking the op to share wisdom about living with less clutter though because my house is a tip sometimes.
Dd has lots of friends with vastly different economic back grounds as in some ate richer and some are poorer. As long as the other kid shares and she can run around shrieking she is really happy.
I have some parent friends who live frugally and though they have v minimal stuff they are great hosts and really fab at entertaining the dc in inventive ways. Actually they have been a good influence on me Grin

MrsMook · 11/06/2013 18:43

We moved 2 years ago and gained a large conservatory which is the main play space. (Previous owner had it properly furnished). First we had two bean bags in there. We now also have 2 IKEA Poang chairs in there since I had PGP. I actaully gave up the sofa and swapped a chair into the lounge for the last 4 months of pregnancy, and despite the PGP, I had no issue with backache (had been crippled with it first time).

People find it odd that it's not "properly furnished" in there, but between the couple of chairs, bean bags and folding camping chairs, there's something comfy for a crowd of people to sit on. It works for us because we keep floor space for play and a sofa will only be bleached by the sun anyway.

DH got his first house young, but couldn't afford to furnish it for a while. He started with a camping mat on the bedroom floor- easily as comfortable as a bed. He gradually got some quality furniture like the dining set that are still loved 15+yrs on, and some cheap make-do furniture that is gradually being replaced now we are in our "forever" home.

If you have met your comfort needs, go for it!

theodorakisses · 11/06/2013 18:45

I wouldn't judge anyone but as n expat employer of engineers who earn at least 7k tax free a month with a free 5 bed house, maid and utilities who quibble over a 2p difference between the literage in their car and the charge in cash I would say that meanness is a miserable trait. Being careful and having a plan isnt.

LondonBus · 11/06/2013 18:45

I don't think we are the sort of family to eat at a table together even when ds gets older. I don't see that happening often at all. Do people really do that when their children get older?

I wouldn't judge you on your furniture, or lack of it, I would find this a bit odd. But then eating together every day is very important to me. It was even when DC1 was a baby.

Anyway, it's not the amount of stuff you have/don't have - it's the way it's arranged/what it's like.

You are the opposite of a horder. Grin

LondonBus · 11/06/2013 18:49

I think you should be honest with people.

I met one of my best friends when she was renting a house in this town for a year. Knowing she wasn't staying long didn't put me off hanging out with her. We both had small children, and neither of us had much furniture (I was attempting the minimalist look, but with hindsight, it we probably just looked poor Grin) Anyway, she stayed longer than a year, moved away for a bit and came back. We both have more furniture now.

PurpleNeihu · 11/06/2013 19:27

I would think it's weird you don't have a table. Where do you use your laptop/ organize paperwork and where does your ds color / draw?

My dd had a toddler bed from age 1-4, but preferred to sleep on a futon on the floor. We eventually took it out of the room to give her more space.

catgirl1976 · 11/06/2013 19:35

No

And I dont mind sitting on the floor :)

Or people who only have one mug. Or no glasses so wine must be durnk from said single mug

kerala · 11/06/2013 19:50

I would think you were on the run or in a witness protection programme

babyhmummy01 · 11/06/2013 19:55

i would just be honest hun, temporary accomodation while we save up for our forever home and furniture we will love rather than settling for cheap just to tide us over.

I can't imagine anyone who genuinely wants to befriend you will care as long as the coffee flows and the kids have toys to play with

primallass · 11/06/2013 19:55

I don't think we are the sort of family to eat at a table together even when ds gets older. I don't see that happening often at all. Do people really do that when their children get older?

Yes!! I think it is important to all eat at the table together.

primallass · 11/06/2013 19:55

Sorry, don't know how to quote.

starkadder · 11/06/2013 20:08

I wouldn't judge you and I think you should invite people round - if you're in the UK, at least, where inviting people round for a cup of tea etc is so much part of our culture. Otherwise you'll get out of the habit of it and get more nervous about it, and that would be sad and bad for your ds. And for you. Just be confident you're doing the right thing and you're not weird! Minimalism like that is the norm in plenty of countries (eg Japan).

lborolass · 11/06/2013 20:32

I'm slightly surprised at how many people would be happy to go round to someone's house for a cup of tea and have to sit on the floor/beanbag. Maybe it's my age but if you invited me I wouldn't come a second time not because I'm judging you (you can live as you choose) but my free time is in too much short supply to spend it reliving my student days in uncomfortable surroundings. If I liked you and wanted to be friends I'd invite you to my house.

One of the small pleasures for me is having my friends sitting at my kitchen table putting the world to rights over endless cups of tea and without the table and chairs it would just be wrong.

My DCS eat every meal other than school lunch at the kitchen table and tbh I would feel a bit sorry for a child who didn't have that social and experience. I don't sit down with them except at the weekend but I'm always in the room.

scottishmummy · 11/06/2013 20:40

great,that's your preference and it works for you.but it's not a universal given
equally,op has different aesthetic and environment. it suits her
I wouldn't overthink it,play dates are casual acquaintance based on kids in common

Francagoestohollywood · 11/06/2013 20:45

I keep seeing people using the word minimalism, which implies lack of clutter and less furniture, but usually the presence of dining tables Grin!

ThisWayForCrazy · 11/06/2013 20:46

I'd be jealous! We have so much crap in our house, it drives me insane!!

Popcornia · 11/06/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 11/06/2013 20:49

frankly when you have a kid,someone will judge you for something
so don't worry about it
don't make up a convoluted story

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