Would you judge a family with very little furntiure/belongings?

[allinsunshine]

Dh and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to get ahead financially/career wise.

Part of this plan means we are living temporarily for around a year at a time in different locations. We hope to be in our forever home by 2016 :)

We have chosen to live very lightly and simply during this time and not collect many belongings/furniture along the way.

At present we are living in a flat which has plenty of built in shelving/cupboards.

All we have as far as furniture is 2 chairs, one desk, one large bean bag, a toddler chair and table, a toddler flip out sofa, highchair, mattresses for ds (2yr) and ourselves and a tv stand with tv.

We dont mind as even though we could get furniture cheaply (through freecycle etc) we know it would be a chore to get rid of again when we move.

I have got to know a few mothers and their children and have been to a few playdates at their very nice houses/flats of varying sizes/budgets but all nicely furnished and decorated.

Compared to their homes ours is very bare and modest. I would like to reciprocate the invitations but I would worry they would judge us about it.

We are both in our 30s so not in the student lifestyle category either.

So would you judge us if you came for a visit?

Also do you have an interesting way I could explain away/embellish our lifestyle choice without going into the details of our 5 year plan which would be very dull indeed.

Hello, late to this but yes I would judge you as a sensible couple who know what they want, don't try to impress with shallow displays of material stuff, and know about saving for things you need. I like all those things.

it would be fuckin heaven

I am swarmed by stuff

If your child is going to appreciate the sacrifice, are you talking about appreciating the material things you will provide a few years down the road? If so then you are not unmaterialistic, you are the opposite. Material things can dominate your life by their absence too.

Your DS, like all small children, would probably go right to the heart of things, and appreciate eating together as a family and time spent together cuddling up on the couch. Money can't buy this togetherness, and a cheap table and chairs and a couch from freecycle would facilitate it.

Furniture is just stuff. It's what you do with it that matters. The four walls of your forever house are just walls until you and your DH and child bring life to them.

I would assume that you had financial woes, but I would not judge you for that. I started over when I left an ex years ago, and had all second hand things. If I were you I would get a table and chairs to eat and a frame for your beds from freecycle, and just put them up for grabs when you are ready to move. Good luck with your 5 year plan.
My ds's gf had worked in India and Nepal, and people did not have beds...they slept on mats they roll up and put away during the day, and all live in one room. She said the children she met there are the happiest children she has ever met. You don't actually need materialistic stuff to be happy.

I bet they all eat together and not at a desk

And the OP is not committed to an uncluttered or unmaterialistic life. She fully intends to get all the accoutrements she doesn't have now once she finally settles. In the meanwhile she is hesitating to invite people over for fear of being judged (but strangely no hesitation about inviting people over with nothing for them to sit on and chat or have a cuppa and a slice of cake).

I have to admit I would find it extremely odd if I went to somebody's house and they had no sofa or table and all slept on mattresses on the floor.

Tbh I would assume poverty or transient/chaotic lifestyle. It just sounds like a scrappy, fairly transient kind of way of living. OK as a student but not so much with a child. It's not so much the lack of stuff as what sounds like a lack of sociability and intimacy, which I think you do really have to have to give a secure-feeling home to a child - what people have said about you having no communal furniture and none of you really eating together. Homes should be intimate, relational spaces. Yours sounds like a barn with some toys in.

I remember us having very little furniture when I was little - we used cardboard boxes for furniture sometimes. But even in the mankiest places we lived I always had a bed and we had a cheap foam sofa and a table.

I have done two overseas moves too so I know what it is like. But I just sold my furniture when I moved. What you're describing is unusual enough that people will be confused and speculate. But then you are mainly bothered about other people in terms of whether they will 'invest' in you - there's something slightly odd about the way you seem to relate to them.

I assume the 5 year plan is that they are renting out their house, overpaying the mortgage and taking career benefiting short term contracts with cheap housing elsewhere.

I actually find the lying to potential friends about their plans weirder than the furniture. Expat do tend to have less stuff anyway and there's always someone who has just arrived or is waiting for their stuff to arrive.

I'd would think it odd. I moved into an empty house amonth ago, having no furniture as we have just emigrated to Oz. In a month I have accumulated a sofa, dining table and six chairs, outdoor table and chairs and two bed frames , all for free from freecycle gumtree and roadside collection. We have bought new mattresses, a tv and a giant beanbag, and BBQ, also second hand fridge freezer and washing machine and chest of drawers. We don't have a lot of stuff yet, but the place is basically furnished now and it really hasn't cost a lot, but we have somewhere comfortable to sit eat and sleep, all pretty essential I reckon! We brought cusshions and rugs with us, shipping was pretty cheap. Once we are settled we will upgrade the furniture and put the old stuff on freecycle and gumtree, easy! So there is I need to live like a monk, I can't imagine having no sofa for five years!

Is no need to live like a monk

Yes, somebody's said what I was struggling to put my finger on! It's the shunning of familial facilities that is most unusual.

Have you ever had family over to the house?

our DD slept in her car seat until she was about six months

Mimi - do you have any idea how bad that will have been for her back and her physical development? There is a reason that babies are supposed to be a lie-flat prams until they are several months old.

'Mimi - do you have any idea how bad that will have been for her back and her physical development? There is a reason that babies are supposed to be a lie-flat prams until they are several months old.'

what about slings then?

Any sling which puts pressure on the spine in the way a car seat does should only be used for short periods - that is why Baby Bjorn and similar shouldn't be used until babies are a bit older.

2 hours at a time maximum in a carseat with a baby that is newborn or 1-2 months.

No child should sleep in a car seat for more than two hours.

OP, I lived like that for a couple of years. It was fine. Actually, I kind of miss it sometimes...

I wouldn't judge but after reason your reasons I do think you are a tad mad

You don't want extra furniture as too much hassle to get rid of it when you move??

Sofas make life more comfortable rather then sit on the floor or hard chairs and personally i think tables are essential for all the family to sit round and eat and talk about your day / your ds won't be in a high hair for much longer - from 12/15mth I get a booster seat so can sit with family

Mattress on floor unusual but fine

yes a baby shouldn't spend more then 2hrs in a car seat as ruins their posture and bad for back

Good god, how would any of you cope in Japan?

Standard household furniture is a low table and futons which get rolled up during the day.

That's it.

No sofas, no chairs, no dining tables.

They survive, and many have perfectly good family lives (and eat dinner as a family).

It's the cultural norm in Japan, it's not in the U.K.
If it was, op wouldn't be worried about inviting people over lest she be judged...

OP, are you enjoying living like this? Do you find it relaxing etc? I'd find it such a hardship...did find it hard living with basics and nay comfort.

I'd find it a bit odd as I find plain (just moved in, bedsit, no colour or personality, not necessarily clutter ) homes utterly depressing but wouldn't judge.

However, if you expained why you didn't have any 'stuff' then I'd be in awe and mightily impressed. Do you read the minimalist blogs? I do, seems so liberating and makes you realise how much shit you don't need and how much richer you'd be without buying 'stuff'.

It's the cultural norm in Japan, it's not in the U.K

No, but people don't just talk about it being unusual in the UK, they say that it is awful that anyone should live like this and that it is sad that the OP is choosing to.

It's not. It's a perfectly valid, fairly normal choice, just not the cultural norm in the UK. No big though, right, we are a multicultural country in theory

You talk about your son appreciating the sacrifices he has made. But he hasnt, you have made them for him. You have convinced yourself that he would, if he could, agree with your choice of living so that you can justify it.

I have to say that I feel your choices are quite selfish, because you are assuming that your DS if fine with it. Living like that to get yourself your dream home, mortgage free is a great thing to do when you are making that choice for yourself. But you aren't doing that and it is affecting your sons life and ability to spend time with his friends as you wont invite his playdates back for a reciprocal date, which could well mean that the invitations stop coming.

For the sake of a sofa and a dining set (you can get those teeny ones that fold into themselves) it seems a bit of a silly thing to do.

But Liara, in Japan they do have tables, as you just said. We're not quibbling with the OP over the height of her table, but the fact that she doesn't have one at all.

I don't personally care about the mattresses, but what some people are objecting to is the damp that can build up underneath them, which isn't a concern when you roll up futons every day.

I take your point that these are all cultural norms, but having spaces and ways for family to be comfortable and spend time together is pretty universal across cultures, however different the methods. That's what seems to be somewhat missing in the OP's setup.