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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you judge a family with very little furntiure/belongings?

308 replies

allinsunshine · 11/06/2013 11:55

Dh and I are in the middle of a 5 year plan to get ahead financially/career wise.

Part of this plan means we are living temporarily for around a year at a time in different locations. We hope to be in our forever home by 2016 :)

We have chosen to live very lightly and simply during this time and not collect many belongings/furniture along the way.

At present we are living in a flat which has plenty of built in shelving/cupboards.

All we have as far as furniture is 2 chairs, one desk, one large bean bag, a toddler chair and table, a toddler flip out sofa, highchair, mattresses for ds (2yr) and ourselves and a tv stand with tv.

We dont mind as even though we could get furniture cheaply (through freecycle etc) we know it would be a chore to get rid of again when we move.

I have got to know a few mothers and their children and have been to a few playdates at their very nice houses/flats of varying sizes/budgets but all nicely furnished and decorated.

Compared to their homes ours is very bare and modest. I would like to reciprocate the invitations but I would worry they would judge us about it.

We are both in our 30s so not in the student lifestyle category either.

So would you judge us if you came for a visit?

Also do you have an interesting way I could explain away/embellish our lifestyle choice without going into the details of our 5 year plan which would be very dull indeed.

OP posts:

xylem8 · 12/06/2013 09:55

You do realise that when you move you can hire a van for £40 a day to shift your stuff
If your Ds mattress is on the floor then you need to lean it up against the wall during the day to give it chance to dry out, otherwise you will get mould forming which I think can cause respiratory problems.

Fecklessdizzy · 12/06/2013 09:58

I'm totally drowning in surplus tat so I'd probably be a bit envious of your spartan ways, to be honest!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/06/2013 10:41

Ds life and home is far from grim and I know he will appreciate the (small) sacrifice he has made in his first 4 years of living without a sofa and dining setting

OP do you realise how absolutely bonkers that statement makes you sound?

I'm glad you've given some thought to the eating thing. I find it very strange that you and DH have never made a habit of eating together.

What are the things that you are hoping will change in your life once you have your 'forever' home? What is lacking now that you hope will be there? Why not think about ways that you could achieve whatever those things are now?

dreamingbohemian · 12/06/2013 10:46

I don't really understand your response. You think those disagreeing with you don't understand the reality of moving around, but many of us do. As I said, I've moved 11 times in 8 years, twice internationally. I still think you are being dogmatic.

nooka makes a great point in that you do have some stuff, which you will either have to get rid of or move -- so adding a table and something like an ikea poang chair, both of which can be broken down into very little space, is not going to add much.

I think mathanxiety has a good point as well. It's interesting that the furniture you are doing without is the communal furniture -- a sofa and table. Personally I don't care about mattresses on the floor, but sofas and tables (or their cultural equivalents) encourage family coziness and intimacy.

You said earlier that you do miss having a sofa. Nothing you have said since really explains why you don't just get one. It's a practical problem with a practical solution.

I also don't understand how those of us suggesting you get a cheap sofa on gumtree, that you freecycle later, are being materialistic, but you are not materialistic even though you're planning on buying an expensive sofa when you get your forever home.

ArbitraryUsername · 12/06/2013 11:13

I'm not sure small children really do see the value in an ascetic lifestyle.

It seems that you are having to buy and sell property for every move. It seems strange to me that you'd want to encumber yourself with that but feel that a sofa would be too much trouble.

I honestly can't imagine why you're so against procuring some additional cheap furniture (enough chairs for everyone to sit at the table and eat at the same time and something to sit on) and then freecycling it when you move again. You could even rent the bloody furniture if owning it bothers you so much.

You are living there now, so you may as well make the most of it (by cuddling up on the sofa and inviting people around). You can't just fast forward this part and move on to the 'forever home' with the expensive furniture. Live life in the present.

DontmindifIdo · 12/06/2013 11:37

OP - you do seem to have not grasped that if you get something very cheap, you can just use it now and hten get rid rather than ship it when you move overseas. Personally, if I could pick up a dining table and a couple of dining chairs (plus a high toddler chair) for less than £100, unless it cost less than £50 to ship it, I'd then sell it on/freecycle it when moving overseas. You'd have a year's use out of it at least. (You could get a table and 4 chairs from Ikea for about £90).

You do'nt need to keep the stuff, if you aren't planning on keeping it, then buy cheap or get stuff from freecycle, freecycle back again when you are ready to move.

It does sound like you are scared to aquire because you don't trust yourself to let it go at the end of the period. My DH has a view that you are supposed to keep things, he's found it hard mentally to accept that you don't have to accomodate everything, that you can just take stuff to the tip. Don't emotionally invest in stuff. Use it, dispose.

Eating together is lovely, it isn't something for when your DS is older, it's something for now. He can at least have breakfast and lunch at the table with you daily and then at the weekend with DH as well.

DontmindifIdo · 12/06/2013 11:42

BTW - your DS will be 5 by the time this plan comes to fruitian. If you haven't taught him table manners (and that includes how to eat together) by 5 you're going to struggle to suddenly make the shift in your family's way of interacting.

Teapot13 · 12/06/2013 11:57

Do you want to be friends with the people that judge you?

Floggingmolly · 12/06/2013 12:26

I don't think people on this thread as so much judging, Teapot, as trying to make some sense of op's frankly bizarre thought processes.
If there is true logic in her plan; she's not explaining it very well.

lborolass · 12/06/2013 13:09

The posts about minimiliism are missing the point. OP isn't choosing a minimilist lifestyle, her choice just happens to involve very few possessions.

OP - I don't think you've said if you are currently in the UK, if you are it would be really interesting to hear why the freecycle/cheap second hand route isn't for you. I have to agree with those who doubt that your DS will be grateful. To my knowledge my DC have never been grateful for anything I've done

Strikeuptheband · 12/06/2013 14:50

My current sofa is a very comfortable corner sofa which was bought at a charity furniture shop for £100 second hand. The covers are completely removeable and machine washable. It has lasted us 3 years and we are now thinking of moving house in the next few months. We are in rented, and will just hire a moving van.

I appreciate that you may be moving COUNTRY but even so, you can get a cheap sofa and then pass it on when you move?

It's not so much about style or how it looks, but I would think I would be really uncomfortable not having an easy chair to lounge on.

Also, a bed - ours is a metal frame and wasn't expensive. Often things like that are being given away.

starkadder · 12/06/2013 20:18

Am I the only one who really wants to know what the five year plan actually is?

LittleBearPad · 12/06/2013 20:26

Nope, I'm intrigued as to the plan

Floggingmolly · 12/06/2013 20:56

No, I've asked several times (nosy cow!) but op is not telling, it seems.

bedmonster · 12/06/2013 21:19

I think it's buying, doing up properties and selling them off as quick as possible! But it can't be, it's clearly much more top secret than that!

RubyOnRails · 12/06/2013 21:21

Squatters. Waiting to claim the house.

LittleBearPad · 12/06/2013 21:40

Ruby

Bearbehind · 12/06/2013 21:44

I think it is probably as boring as having a sofa and a bed in 5years!

Why anyone would choose to live such an outwardly grim existence in order to get what most of us spend our lives gradually attaining us beyond me?

marriedinwhiteagain · 12/06/2013 22:07

I don't think the OP's being so unreasonabe but have oly read the first and last.

I would just tell people the truth - never anything wrong with the truth - boring or not!

Also, I think family meals are important. OP could you buy some cheap garden chairs and matching table even if plastic and use it inside for now and transfer to the garden when you eventually have year home for life.

A house filled with love is a home imo x

hottea7 · 12/06/2013 22:16

I hate stuff! We have hardly anything I just like it that way, makes cleaning with 5 soon to be 6 children so much easier! One sofa and a massive chest for toys and books with the tv on, lovely :)

bakingaddict · 12/06/2013 22:39

I dont understand why anybody would choose to live like this with a young child

What happens if your 5 year plans doesnt materialise and it suddenly becomes a ten year plan and you have a teenager who is ashamed of his house. You need to consider your child and make a comfortable house for him now not some point in the future.

Turniptwirl · 12/06/2013 22:41

"Termites"

If people give you attitude then you should bore them with your five year plan. In detail. With footnotes.

Sparrowp · 12/06/2013 22:43

I wonder if the OP lives in one of those studio flats the government are so keen on. Some of them have space for sofas and dining, but some only have space for a bed. The government says this is all you can have until you turn 35. (loony tories)

Floggingmolly · 12/06/2013 23:15

Can you be forced to live in them, Sparrowp? Who the hell would choose to

Mimishimi · 13/06/2013 01:53

OP, when we were living overseas and not sure if we going to settle there ( due to visas and we ended up not doing so) we did the same thing. We slept on an mains powered inflatable mattress for six years and our DD slept in her car seat until she was about six months and then she got a cheap Sniglar cot from Ikea. Our main concern was potentially having to shift stuff too although it turned out that we didn't move around too much anyway (had a long term lease). However, we did have a couch and a dining table - the dining table again was Ikea and just one of those folding ones - not too much trouble to move at all. However, when we left, we could not find anyone to take the couch but building management said it was ok if we left it behind as sometimes they get tenants who ask if they can provide one. We own our own home outright now. We have lots of furniture.

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